Mark Hayden: You still smarting I had to carry your ass through Con Law?
Josh: You did not have to carry--
Mark Hayden: You thought strict scrutiny was a pickup technique.
Josh: Hey, it worked on Pam Sussman. I mean, not that well. How is your lovely wife?

Martin Sheen: Good evening. On December 16, we lost our good friend and colleague John Spencer. Through our shock and grief, we can think of no more fitting memorial to this wonderful man, this extraordinary actor, than to share with you, beginning tonight, the last few months of his work here on The West Wing. Johnny, it seems we hardly knew you; we love you and we miss you.

McNally: Leo. Yeoman Fitzwallace.
Fitzwallace: Dr. McNally.
McNally: Let's attack.
Fitzwallace: Who?
McNally: Qumar. Let's recommend to the President that we attack.
Leo: Why?
McNally: 'Cause I've had it.
Fitzwallace: I don't think the UN is going to let us do it for that reason.
McNally: That's 'cause you're a sissy. You want peace in the Middle East? Give me a pair of third generation ICBM's and a compass. You get B-2 Spirit stealth bombers over Qumar right now as if the Qumari Air Defense Sytem requires stealth capability. Just fly in at night, and while you're at it, could you order the USS Louisiana to fire off a D-5 Trident just to see if it works? What's the worst that could happen?
Fitzwallace: [to Leo, bewildered] Is she talking to me?
McNally: Yes!
Fitzwallace: Well, 98% of all living organisms within a seven mile radius would die instantly in a torrent of fire.
McNally: Admiral Sissymary... We're running out of options on the menu.

Mike: In thirteen years with the bureau I've discovered that there's no amount of money, man-power or knowledge that can equal the person you're looking for being stupid.
Bartlet: God, well, some of the stupidest criminals in the world are working right here in America. I've always been very proud of that.

Moderator: Governor Ritchie, many economists have stated that the tax cut, which is the centerpiece of your economic agenda, could actually harm the economy. Is now really the time to cut taxes?
Gov. Ritchie: You bet it is. We need to cut taxes for one reason - the American people know how to spend their money better than the federal government does.
Moderator: Mr. President, your rebuttal.
Bartlet: There it is. That's the ten word answer my staff's been looking for for two weeks. There it is. Ten-word answers can kill you in political campaigns. They're the tip of the sword. Here's my question: What are the next ten words of your answer? Your taxes are too high? So are mine. Give me the next ten words. How are we going to do it? Give me ten after that, I'll drop out of the race right now. Every once in a while... every once in a while, there's a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren't very many unnuanced moments in leading a country that's way too big for ten words. I'm the President of the United States, not the President of the people who agree with me. And by the way, if the left has a problem with that, they should vote for somebody else.

Mr. Lydell: The hate crimes bill is fine. Who gives a damn? It's fine, I don't care. If you ask me, we shouldn't be making laws against what's in a person head but I don't give a damn, it's fine. I don't understand how this president, who I voted for, I don't understand how he can take such a completely weak ass position on gay rights. Gays in the military, same sex marriage, gay adoption, boards of education. Where the hell is he? I want to know what quality necessary to being a parent the president feels my son lacked. I want to know from this president who has served not one day in uniform - I had two terms in Vietnam - I want to know what quality necessary to being a soldier this president feels my son lacked. Lady I'm not embarrassed that my son is gay, my government is.

Mrs. Landingham: [on her new car] When you get inside, there's this...
Bartlet: Smell?
Mrs. Landingham: How did you know?
Bartlet: It's the smell of freedom... and the chemicals they treat your dashboard with.

Mrs. Landingham: Good evening, Mr. President.
Bartlet: Bob Crutchet?
Mrs. Landingham: Oh, sir. Surely you have better things to do than annoy me.
Bartlet: Never.

Mrs. Landingham: How are you, Josh?
Josh: I've been subpoenaed.
Mrs. Landingham: Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Would you like a cookie?

Mrs. Landingham: I'm not used to having members of the print media in here.
Danny: I'll try not to get ink on the furniture.
Mrs. Landingham: Aw, Danny, and I was just about to offer you a cookie.
Danny: And now?
Mrs. Landingham: No.

Mrs. Landingham: In my day we knew how to protect ourselves.
Leo: Well, in your day you could pretty much turn back the Indians with a Daniel Boone musket, couldn't you?
Mrs. Landingham: Ah, sarcasm, the grumpy man's wit.
Leo: Go sharpen a pencil, would you?

Mrs. Landingham: We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery.
Bartlet: They'll loan stuff?
Mrs. Landingham: Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
Bartlet: Really?
Mrs. Landingham: Yeah.
Bartlet: I want Apollo 11.
Mrs. Landingham: Well, you can't have that.
Bartlet: Then don't bother me.

Mrs. Landingham: You know I could beat you up anytime I want, sir.
Bartlet: Secret Service would have you down like a calf at a rodeo.

Mrs. Landingham: You're not getting enough roughage in your diet, you know I'm right about that.
Bartlet: I know I'd like to beat you senseless with a head of cabbage, I know that for damn sure.
Mrs. Landingham: Once again you display an immaturity about vegetables that I think is not at all Presidential.

Mukarat: They've done everything in their power to undermine moderate leadership. Don't they understand when they blow up leaders of Hamas with bombs, all those Palestinian homes, they only make them stronger? Boys and girls, they no longer want to be doctors, teachers, engineers. Now, they all want to be martyrs.