Josh: Voyager, in case it's ever encountered by extraterrestrials, is carrying photos of life on earth, greetings in fifty-five languages, and a collection of music from Gregorian chant to Chuck Berry, including "Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground" by 1920s bluesman Blind Willie Johnson, whose stepmother blinded him at seven by throwing lye in his eyes after his father beat her for being with another man. He died penniless of pneumonia after sleeping bundled in wet newspapers in the ruins of his house that burned down, but his music just left the solar system.

Josh: We can't afford a huge, glitzy ad buy, so we run something feisty, funny, out-of-the-box. Turns our one minute of prime time into a national sensation.
Aide: Santos on ice skates, wearing a goalie outfit, pledging to defend America?
Josh: [pause] Closer to the box than that.

Josh: We run the risk of alienating...
Bartlet: Heroin addicts?
Josh: Liberals.
Bartlet: Whatever.

Josh: We're gonna do 'good cop, bad cop.'
Toby: No, we're really not.
Josh: Why not?
Toby: 'Cause this isn't an episode of Hawaii Five-O. How about you be the good cop and I be the cop that doesn't go to the meeting?

Josh: We've got a bit of a sticky wicket.
C.J.: Please don't tell me I'm staying here and working late tonight.
Josh: I need you to read a report.
C.J.: I'm a woman in her prime, Josh, I'm a prime woman.
Josh: There's no doubt about it, but I need you to read this anyway.
C.J.: What is it?
Josh: We want Congress to sign off on funds for a hundred thousand new teachers. They say, fine, but you gotta stipulate that in Sex Ed classes....
C.J.: Abstinence only?
Josh: Yes.
C.J.: I would have no trouble passing such a class.
Josh: We commissioned a report about a year ago on Sex Education in public schools, and, well, this is it.
C.J.: What's it say?
Josh: It's not good.
C.J.: How's it not good?
Josh: It says basically that teaching 'abstinence only' doesn't work--that people are going to be prone to have sex whether they're cautioned against it or not.
C.J.: Well, what are they recommending?
Josh: Something called "abstinence plus".
C.J.: Abstinence plus?
Josh: Yes.
C.J.: What's that mean?
Josh: Well, Sam's renamed it 'everything but'.
C.J.: Everything but?
Josh: Yes.
C.J.: Ah.
Josh: Yes.
C.J.: They want teachers to teach...
Josh: Yes.
C.J.: And so the sticky wicket joke was..?
Josh: A regrettable pun. Should I order you some food?
C.J.: Y'know, I can't remember the last time I got home before midnight.
Josh: By the way, pages 27 to 33? A couple of things every girl should know.
C.J.: Get me a salad.

Josh: Well, I'm a straight shooter. I think my record's pretty clear on that.
Toby: Yeah.
Josh: [about Amy Gardner] I'd like to see her again.
Toby: Call her.
Josh: And ask her out?
Toby: Yeah.
Josh: No, no. 'Cause there's a potential she says no and then I have to move someplace where it'll never be spoken of again.
Toby: Yeah.
Josh: I need to come in under the cover of business.
Toby: 'Cause you're a straight shooter.
Josh: Yeah. I need a point of friction. An issue where the feministas and the White House disagree. That way, I can go to her, break the bad news, stand tough, smooth it over and then, you know, I take it from there.
Toby: How about the word "feministas"?

Josh: What are you going to do when this is done?
Toby: Whatever I can to stave off the chaos, mayhem and self-interest that lies just beneath our civil disguise.
Josh: So, not the private sector?
Toby: The money would have to be unbelievable.

Josh: What happened to the good old days when a couple of hacks with cigars chose the nominee in a smoked filled back room?
Leo: They didn't do so bad, did they?
Josh: We need a back room.

Josh: What I know is politics, public perception. And the image of NASA is not good. Telescopes launched that can't focus, planetary probes that crashed because engineers mixed up meters and feet. The only time NASA makes the front page anymore is when something goes wrong. You need to get off the front page. This administration only has one space priority: that you guys stop screwing up.

Josh: What's Islamic extremism? It's strict adherence to a particular interpretation of 7th century Islamic law as practiced by the prophet Mohammed, and when I say "strict adherence," I'm not kidding around. Men are forced to pray, wear their beards a certain length. Among my favorites is there's only one acceptable cheer at a soccer match: 'Allah-uh-Akbar.' "God is great." If your guys are getting creamed, then you're on your own. Things are a lot less comic for women, who aren't allowed to attend school or have jobs. They're not allowed to be unaccompanied, and oftentimes get publicly stoned to death for crimes like not wearing a veil. I don't have to tell you they don't need to shout at a soccer match because they're never going to go to one. So what bothers them about us? Well, the variety of cheers alone coming from the cheap seats at Giants stadium when they're playing the Cowboys is enough for a jihad, to say nothing of street corners lined church next to synagogue, next to mosque, newspapers that can print anything they want, women who can do anything they want including taking a rocket ship to outer space, vote, and play soccer. This is a plural society. That means we accept more than one idea. It offends them... You want to get these people? I mean, you really want to reach in and kill them where they live? Keep accepting more than one idea. It makes them absolutely crazy.

Josh: When I said we needed to talk, I wasn't necessarily thinking about tonight. I'm kind of fried.
Donna: Who said anything about talking?
[Before he can answer, she kisses him.]

Josh: When I write my political memoir, this will be the character building funny part.
Donna: I thought I was the character building funny part.

Josh: When voters want a national daddy...someone to be tough and strong and defend the country, they vote Republican. When they want a mommy, someone to give them jobs, health care...the policy equivalent of motzah ball soup, they vote Democratic.

Josh: Why don't we just give the $60 billion to North Korea in exchange for not bombing us?
Bartlet: It's almost hard to believe that you're not on the National Security Council.
Josh: I know, I feel like they're missing an important voice.

Josh: You got a phone call while you were in there.
Donna: From who?
Josh: Europe, in 1939.
Donna: Yeah?
Josh: Yeah, I jotted it down. Apparently, they're at war, but we'd taken a firm stand as an isolationist nation and refused to get involved. Our resources are ours, and their problems are on the other side of the world, though, they do have problems. Sounds to me from what they said on the phone that France, Austria, and England are getting absolutely pounded by the Germans and with no end in sight. They say that by 1941 they're gonna desperately need our help if they have any chance of survival, but I think they're just being hysterical. This son of a customs agent with the Charlie Chaplin mustache ain't going anywhere, but there's no telling that to Franklin Roosevelt, who's trying to convince his country to get involved. That's why he came up with this.
Donna: An eighth-grade social studies textbook?
Josh: Turn to the page I flagged.
Donna: The Lend-Lease Act.
Josh: Yeah. Simply put, a loan of arms to Russia and Britain with the understanding that they pay us back when the war was over. And he said this - he said, "If your neighbor's house is on fire, you don't haggle over the price of your garden hose." ... There are too many things in the world we can't do. Mexico's on fire. Why help them? Because we can.