Josh: You have an inadvertent habit of putting down my Judaism by implying that you have a sharper anti-Semitism meter than I do.
Toby: You know, the ancient Hebrews had a word for Jews from Westport: they pronounced it "Presbyterian."
Josh: And by saying things like that.
Toby: I'm just saying, I'm from Brighton Beach.
Josh: Well, Mohammed al Mohammed el Mohammed bin Bizir doesn't make the distinction when he suits up in the morning.
Toby: Well, as long as you have a good grasp of the complexity of that situation.
Donna: What the hell are the two of you talking about?
Toby: I assure you neither one of us knows.

Josh: You know, I realize that as an adult not everyone shares my view of the world, and with an issue as hot as gun control I'm prepared to accept a lot of different points of view as being perfectly valid, but we can all get together on the grenade launcher, right?

Josh: You want to go to Orange County?
CJ: I think we have to go. [to Bartlet] Even though there's $1,300 with your name on it if you don't make me go with you.
Toby: Get over the dress, would you?
CJ: It was a suit, and they hit me with an avocado!
Toby: It could have been worse.
CJ: How?
Toby: They could have hit me.

Josh: You're campaigning in the middle of a national tragedy....
Atwood: You don't get it, do you? The Republicans are in awe of Bartlet. He recused himself in the only way he could. In the way envisioned by the Constitution... The whole notion of the 25th Amendment is that the institution matters more than the man. Bartlet's decision was even more self-sacrificing because he willingly gave power to his opposition.
Josh: The institution may matter more, but it's your guy protecting it, not ours.
Atwood: A truly self-sacrificing act usually involves some sacrifice.
Josh: So, now you're going to nail us to the cross.
Atwood: No. You beat the terrorists at their own game. We're not stupid, Josh. We try to use this to our advantage, it will blow up in our faces. We'd seem callous and unfeeling. In contrast to Bartlet's extraordinary gesture of courage and patriotism. And anyone who thinks otherwise has a particularly craven way of looking at politics.

Josh: You're going to be reading a bit today about your secret plan to fight inflation.
Bartlet: I have a secret plan to fight inflation?
Josh: No.
Bartlet: Why am I going to be reading that I do?
Josh: It was suggested in the press room that you do.
Bartlet: By who?
Josh: By me.
Bartlet: You told the press I have a secret plan to fight inflation?
Josh: No, I did not. Let me be absolutely clear, I did not do that. Except, yes, I did that.

Josh: You're leaving the party because of me?
Carrick: I'm not leaving the party because of you - but you made it a whole lot easier.

Josh: You're not making it easy.
Santos: Well, you know if we're going to do this, I'm not going to make it easy.... I'm going to push every limit. And that's the campaign you get to run.
Josh: What if I can't make that work?
Santos: Well, then no one can.

Josh: Your sense of humor's a bit of a high wire act isn't it? You're really trying to thread the needle.
Donna: And half of it you don't even get.

Josh: [looking at Donna] Oh, this must be what your first smack high feels like.
CJ: Here's hoping it's not followed by a huge crash and years of rehabilitation.
Josh: Nothing could kill my mood right now, but that was a good try.

Kate: [to the Canadian ambassador] Ambassador, listen carefully. An hour ago I reviewed the United States' contingency plan to invade your country.
Will: Uh...there's a contingency plan...
Kate: 1789, amended in 1815, the calligraphy is beautiful. And if one more "deal" is floated in this room, I'm gonna ask DOD to reactivate it. [walks out]

Kate: It's not just that it's futile. I mean, as long as Americans are willing to pay $60 a gram for cocaine some peasant farmer earning $60 a year is going to grow it. It's just so geopolitically counter-productive. We turn their villages into war-zones, we destroy their land, we poison their families with herbicides, and then we're surprised when they go vote for the socialists.

Kate: The tragedy is that the Palestinians and the Jews are so much alike.
Charlie: How's that?
Kate: All through history no one's wanted either of them.

Katie: If there is an issue of national security, isn't it also a national issue for everyone down there?
Reporter: In other words, turn on the damn phones.
C.J.: Someone ask Steve what time it is; it's going to crack you up!
Reporter: C.J....
C.J.: How is it a threat to anyone on the ground?
Steve: Air Force One generally doesn't break all by itself.
C.J.: Steve...
Steve: Claudia, in a room someplace, they're talking about the possibility that the plane was sabotaged.
C.J.: By screwing with the front wheel?
Mark: If the malfunction is because of a leak in the hydraulics, and they try to recycle the gear, the front end of the plane's gonna blow up.
C.J.: No, you're right, I should definitely let you use the phones.

Larry: [Reading a book that an ex-reporter wrote about the White House] “Bartlet was playing a round of golf with Toby Ziegler, the prickly communications director, whose bitter inner darkness spelled the breakup of the one marriage we know about.”
C.J. : It was miniature golf, wasn't it?
Toby: Yeah.

Laurie:I can't believe you. What, did you get this out of a book?
Josh: It was my idea.
Laurie: Oh! What are you, the brains of the outfit?
Josh: Yeah, I am. And I got to tell you, I could care less about your indignation right now. A man has left himself open to the kind of attack from which men in my business do not recover. Now if our tactics seem less than civilized it's because so are our attackers. In any event, I don't feel like standing here taking a civics lesson from a hooker.