Josh: I was interrogating this intern from the legislative liaison's office and she broke down crying while telling me about a bong she had made out of an eggplant.
Leo: You can do that?
Josh: I used to use a potato.
Leo: You've always been industrious.

Josh: I'm going to need a converter for China, and I can't find my garment bag.
Donna: I think baggage claim is in the next terminal over.
Josh: You used to love it when I couldn't dress myself without you.
Donna: I used to love peppermint ice cream, too, but now those little pieces of candy, they get stuck in your teeth in a way that I find irritating.

Josh: I'm just trying to see around the corner so I don't get bit in the ass.
Donna: Are you going around the corner ass-first?

Josh: I'm seeing Amy again tonight.
Donna: Second date?
Josh: First date, really. Last night was more of a ... you know ...
Donna: Scheme.
Josh: Yeah.
Donna: Good, 'cause the second date's usually where the wheels come off the wagon for you.

Josh: It's a missile defense system that can't hit missiles.... when were you promised�?
Carrick: Seven years ago.
Josh: Under the last President?
Carrick: Right.
Josh: Okay, a bunch of things have fallen by the wayside since then, like Communism....

Josh: It's been two days since the press asked me a policy question. And I think that was about the smoking policy on the plane.

Josh: It's what I do now; I'm a professional hostile witness.

Josh: Lang? Isn't she a lefty?
Leo: Yes. We want the left flank sufficiently mollified and the right flank sufficiently panicked so as to inspire a little conciliation on all flanks.

Josh: My testosterone is flying.
Donna: Try not to get it on anyone.

Josh: New Hampshire is about retail politics. People here won't vote for you until you've had coffee in their house five times.

Josh: No, Leo, how is this acceptable? Haffley's not the prime minister, you take this to the president, you'll know what he'll say?
Leo: He'll say yes.
Josh: How can you say that?
Leo: To keep the lights on! To make sure a couple of million government employees keep getting paid. It's two more months...
Josh: This isn't governing, it's duck and cover.
Leo: He'll say that too.

Josh: Numbers don't lie.
Joey (Kenny): They lie all the time. They lie when 72 percent of Americans say they're tired of a sex scandal, while all the while, newspaper circulation goes through the roof for anyone featuring the story. If you polled a hundred Donnas and asked them if they think we should go out, you'd get a high positive response. But, the poll wouldn't tell you it's because she likes you. And she knows it's beginning to show and she needs to cover herself with misdirection.
Josh: Believe me when I tell you that's not true.

Josh: One idea is a big fund raising drive in the Latino community.
Santos: I don't feel comfortable with that right now.
Josh: Its a huge donor base you alone can tap.
Santos: Josh, I don't wanna just be the brown candidate, I want to be the American candidate.
Josh: How do you want to go broke? As the brown candidate or the American candidate?

Josh: People think the campaign's about two competing answers to the same question. They're not. They're a fight over the question itself.

Josh: Sam, I'm taking Charlie for a beer tonight before the vote. Zoey and Mallory are coming.
Sam: Sounds good.
C.J.: I like beer.
Josh: If you want to come I guess that'd be okay.
C.J.: Why, Josh, you've swept me off my feet.