CJ: You begin every day juggling a very precise schedule which completely, completely falls apart by mid-morning.

CJ: You got the energy quarterly?
Bartlet: I got it right here, thank you.
CJ: I'd like it back.
Bartlet: How about you get your own copy?
CJ: We're not ready to assess domestic nuclear storage facilities, sir. The team hasn't evaluated all the options and I haven't presented you with complete information.
Bartlet: You don't think this is a good start?
CJ: I think it's you doing my job for me. You're looking at this based on DOD's call. Their perspective is valid, but it's only one perspective, and until we've gathered all the others, if you need something to read, I recommend the new Benjamin Franklin bio. It's a real page turner. [Grabs papers and begins to exit] Thank you, Mr. President.
Debbie: What was that?
Bartlet: I just got spanked.
Debbie: Hmm... Sorry I missed it. She still nervous?
Bartlet: I don't think so, no.

CJ: You want me to hire Cliff Calley? No. He's the wrong choice. And he's irritating. And he's obnoxious.
Leo: That's worked for us in the past.
[Josh yells angrily outside door]

Cliff: I turned you down.
CJ: Nobody turns us down. We're like the Mob, only less violent. Ultimately responsible for more death and destruction.

Cliff: This is bush league. This is why good people hate us. This, right here. This thing. This isn't what these hearings are about. He cannot possibly have been properly prepared by counsel for these questions, nor should he ever have to answer them publicly. And if you proceed with this line of questioning, I will resign this Committee, and wait in the tall grass for you, Congressman. Because you are killing the party.

Clifford Reynolds: Clifford Reynolds. I teach English here at Leonard.
Santos: Nice to meet you, Clifford.
Clifford Reynolds: Thanks. May I ask you if you believe in the theory of evolution?
Santos: Well, I think it'd be very difficult to teach geology, anthropology, and zoology without evolution, so yes, I do. I don't believe it's contradictory to believe in science and believe in God.
Clifford Reynolds: Do you believe that the theory of Intelligent Design and the Theory of Evolution should be taught alongside each other in the public schools?
Santos: Absolutely not. One is based on science, the other is based on faith. Intelligent Design is not a scientific theory, it's a religious belief. And our Constitution does not allow for the teaching of religion in our public schools.
Clifford Reynolds: Many of us here would be more comfortable if our children were taught all points of view.
Santos: And I'm all for that. Evolution is not perfect. It doesn't answer every question but it is based on scientific facts; facts that can be predicted, tested, and proven. Intelligent Design asks theological questions. I'm sure that many of us would agree that at the beginning of all that begat-ing, something begun.
[The people laugh]
Santos: What was that something?
Clifford Reynolds: Congressman Santos, many of us want a version of science taught to our kids that's in accordance with our beliefs.
Santos: I understand. But can't we agree that the inclusion of non-scientific explanations into the science curriculum of our schools misrepresents the nature of science? And therefore compromises a central purpose in our public education which is the preparation of a scientifically literate workforce. If you have a problem with your child's education, get involved. If you have a problem with what the School Board wants to teach, run for School Board. We can never forget that the best way to preserve our democracy is to take part in it. Thanks for your question. Thank you all.

Cochran: I'd like to speak to your supervisor.
Charlie: Well, I'm Personal Aide to the President, so my supervisor's a little busy right now trying to find a back door to this place to shove you out of, but I'll let him know you'd like to lodge a complaint.

Company Guy: We don't make chemicals, Toby. We make ideas.
Toby: Uh huh. But what do you sell?
Company Guy: Chemicals.

Connie: I was trying to find a Starbucks. A guy in a gas station said, "Round here, people don't pay four bucks for a cup of coffee."
Sam: New Hampshire. Live free or cheap.

Danny: [asking why C.J is going on the Portland Trip] Are you being punished?
C.J.: I'm not being punished. I'm going on the trip.
Danny: If the whole bus goes off the record, will you tell us why you're going on the trip?
C.J.: [hesitating] I made fun of Notre Dame. [the journalists collectively groaned] Usually I get away with it.
Danny: They're playing Michigan tomorrow.
C.J.: I know that now.
Danny: You can't do that when they're playing Michigan.

Danny: [to CJ] I want you to do what you want to do. Take the job at the White House. I just want you to talk to me about it. I want us to talk about what it will mean and how we'll make it work. I want us to talk like we're gonna figure it out together. I want us to talk...because I like the sound of your voice. I just want to talk.

Danny: [to CJ] We keep shoving this conversation downstream. At some point you have to choose to have a relationship. We're not 25 any more. At our age you can't date a little and screw a little and wait around to see if you get sentimental at Christmas. You have to decide if you're gonna make another person a part of your life. A partner.

Danny: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this!
C.J.: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.

Danny: We cut farm assistance in Colombia. Every single crop we developed was replaced with cocaine. We cut aid for primary education in northwest Pakistan and Egypt; the kids went to madrassahs. Why weren't you making a case that Republican senators are bad on drugs, and bad on national security? Why are Democrats always so bumfuzzled? By the way, sixty-five more flight schools today. Maisy hasn't found your guy. Don't worry. There are thousands more.
CJ: You know something there, General Tso? If you had a story, you'd write it. If you don't have one, shut up. We just lost a vote. We're not bumfuzzled. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cancel a photo op with a goat.

Danny: We're both about to fall off a cliff. And I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, except I know what I don't wanna do. And on Inauguration Day, you're going to be released from that glorious prison on Pennsylvania Avenue, with...
C.J.: No human skills?
Danny: Seems to me...
C.J.: I should punch you in the face.
Danny: That's what I'm talking about.
C.J.: Keep going...
Danny: So, if I'm gonna jump off the cliff, and you're gonna get pushed off the cliff, why don't we hold hands on the way down?