Charlie: You want me to have the President dodge a call from the UN Secretary-General and not know why?
Leo: Yeah. Can you swing that?
Charlie: If I could, that would be troubling, wouldn't it?

CJ: [about the First Lady's speech] You should tell her not to talk about the House vote.
Charlie: You want me to tell Mrs. Bartlet she's going to look like a dilettante?
CJ: I once had to tell the President he was wearing two different shoes.
Charlie: That's roughly the same.

CJ: [about the President's valentine date] You're taking her to the opera?
Bartlet: Verdi's Othello, romantic eh?
CJ: Isn't that the one where the guy kills his wife?
Bartlet: It's in Italian, I'm hoping she won't notice.

CJ: [about the treatment of women in Saudi Arabia] Outraged? I'm barely surprised. This is a country where women aren't allowed to drive a car. They're not allowed to be in the company of any man other than a close relative. They're required to adhere to a dress code that would make a Maryknoll nun look like Malibu Barbie. They beheaded a hundred and twenty-one people last year for robbery, rape, and drug trafficking. They have no free press, no elected government, no political parties. And the Royal Family allows the Religious Police to travel in groups of six carrying nightsticks and they freely and publicly beat women. But 'Brutus is an honorable man.' Seventeen schoolgirls were forced to burn alive because they weren't wearing the proper clothing. Am I outraged? No, Steve; no, Mark; no, Chris: that is Saudi Arabia, our partners in peace.

CJ: [to Carol] Stop trying to get us together, okay? If I wanted Danny I could have him. And he's still a jackass from the foreign-ops vote and many other things, so tell him I'm getting my hair done.
Danny: Your hair looks great.
CJ: [to Carol] There was no way you could tell me he was right behind me? You couldn't fit that in?

CJ: [to Margaret] You're an odd woman and I've never quite understood you. But you are extremely capable and you run this office like a Swiss watch. And you're tall, which is reassuring. Leo may need you and if he does, that's okay. But if he's willing to part with you, I hope you'll stay.

CJ: [to Toby] You don't need a pardon, You need a frying pan to the side of your head.

CJ: A little tough love's what these people need. If that doesn't work, I'm moving on to Molotov cocktails.

CJ: Are you ready?
Will: To fly into a massive cloud of radiation while the rest of the country is making hats out of tin foil?
CJ: It was a rhetorical question.

CJ: Did you--?
Sam: Yes, I turned, I cursed, I spat, it froze.

CJ: Do me a favor and talk to Ellie about whatever problems you're having with her music.
Will: Now?
CJ: I was supposed to be in there but then Kate happened. It's going to take a few minutes; I thought you could do your thing.
Will: I was working!
Kate: I was golfing.
CJ: Mini.
Will: I've mastered the windmill shot, with the bridge.
Kate: That's a hard one!
Will: Hole-in-one.
C.J.: People!

CJ: Don't be fooled: they love us in Orange County. They're crazy-go-nuts for the President � really, the whole Democratic Party in general. I think they really like it when we come to town. When we were there last month, we were working the crowd, and some young boys � worried, possibly, that I couldn't afford fruits and vegetables on a government salary � tossed me some of their own.

CJ: I thought my reflexes before, in the Press Room, were catlike.

CJ: I wanna do my job. I wanna suck every morsel of meat off this experience before it's over.
Danny: Just get something done, will ya?
C.J.: That'll come down to what it always comes down to.
Danny: What's that?
C.J.: How dirty do my feet have to get without disappearing into the mud in order to get an inch of what I really want done.

CJ: If we're not running offense, we're running defense, and if we're playing defense, then there's some clever sports analogy that explains what happens then....
Josh: We're screwed.
CJ: That'll do...