Charlie: [to CJ] You're a smart savvy woman who could easily consider world domination for a next career move.

Charlie: [to Toby, at Leo's funeral] I'll walk out with you. I don't think a picture of you and me makes the New York Times. Do you?

Charlie: And why doesn't he ask the First Lady about the $500 check himself in the normal course of, you know, being married to her.
Mrs. Landingham: When the President inquires into the First Lady's personal bookkeeping, the First Lady gets angry at him... and yells.
Charlie: Well, she's gonna get angry and yell when I inquire too.
Mrs. Landingham: Well, the President doesn't care so much about that.

Charlie: Are you eating a salad?
Toby: Yeah.
Charlie: Why?
Toby: 'Cause I am.
Charlie: I don't think I've ever seen you eat a salad. What kind of salad is it?
Toby: I don't know.
Charlie: Just mixed greens?
Toby: I don't know what kind of salad it is, I'm eating a salad, okay? I'm doing it, do I have to know the names? There's no difference between them, it's a bowl of weeds!
[Charlie looks at Toby silently]
Toby: Some of them have cheese, this isn't the kind with cheese, does that answer your question?
[Charlie continues to look at Toby silently]
Toby: How many years have you guys been 'Toby, you eat like a teenager.' 'Toby, that's red meat.' 'That's your second cigar.' Here I am, eating this salad, which, by the way, you could cover this thing in barbecue sauce and it still tastes like the ground, and I'm getting heckled from the gallery! Who wanted to come in here and eat his roast beef sandwich with ketchup on a kaiser roll and watch the damn tennis on my TV! That's all I'm saying.
Charlie: Man, Toby, you're really doing everything you can do to get that woman to marry you?

Charlie: Aren't you supposed to be writing?
Toby: I am writing.
Charlie: I don't see paper.
Toby: 'We can sit back and admit with great sensitivity that life isn't fair... and the less-advantaged are destined to their lot in life... and the problems of those on the other side of the world should stay there... and our leaders are cynical and can never be an instrument of change... but that, my friends, is not worthy of you; it's not worthy of a President; it's not worthy of a great nation; it's not worthy of America.' Paper's for wimps.

Charlie: Can you make a run to the staff secretary's office? Ella's not there, but someone should be. Make sure you just take what needs to be signed today. They're gonna try to give you a whole stack, and right there's where you become a man.
Emily: Should I use sex as a tactic?
Charlie: If you need to. Hell, even if you just want to.

Charlie: CJ, with the press -- could you ever trust a reporter?
CJ: Is this the beginning of a joke?

Charlie: CJ.
CJ: Yeah?
Charlie: Don't go on TV with Taylor Reid again unless you're going to tell him what an idiotic, shallow, uninformed, and lying punk he is.
CJ: I think he knows that.

Charlie: Do you have a girlfriend?
Will: No.
Charlie: When was the last time you did?
Will: About nine months ago.
Charlie: How long did it last?
Will: About two days. In my defense, though, she was psycho.
Charlie: So why are you giving me relationship help?
Will: Because I'm the only one in this conversation who didn't get a Dear John email from his ex-girlfriend's boyfriend.
Charlie: God, that's really true, isn't it?

Charlie: Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board.
Toby: With what?
Charlie: Team Toby.
Toby: See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
Charlie: If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
Toby: Okay.
Charlie: ...want that, you know, to happen to you.
Toby: I get it.
Charlie: Do you? Because this is about love.
Toby: I think you have a different motivation.
Charlie: Laughs?
Toby: Yes.
Charlie: Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.

Charlie: Look, C.J.�
C.J.: You'll find it in your filing cabinet under A for anal.
Larry: I don't really wanna know what he's going to find in his filing cabinet, do you?
Ed: No.

Charlie: Mr. President?
Bartlet: I'll take the Indian ambassador in the Oval Office.
Charlie: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: And then if you could just ask the Secret Service to step in and kill me, please.
Charlie: Yes, sir.

Charlie: Okay, Mr. President, I say this with all possible respect, but each of these knives cut, you know, meat. Why is it important?
Bartlet: Because it's something we pass on. Something with a history so we can say, 'My father gave this to me. His father gave it to him.'
Charlie: Well, okay, sir, but if that's true, then why don't you already have one?
Bartlet: I do have one.
Charlie: Why do you need a new one?
Bartlet: I'm giving mine away.
Charlie: To who?
Bartlet: Whom.
Charlie: To whom?
Bartlet: Funny you should ask. [takes out knife case from his drawer] Charlie, my father gave this to me, and his father gave it to him, and now I'm giving it to you. Take a look. The fully tapered bolster allows for sharpening the entire edge of the blade.
Charlie: It says 'P.R.' I thought I knew them all, but I don't recognize the manufacturer.
Bartlet: Yeah. This was made for my family by a Boston silversmith named Paul Revere.

Charlie: They're saying I owe the federal government money?
Bartlet: And you don't even need a stamp. Hand it over.
Charlie: There's a mistake.
Bartlet: Whatever. Cough it up.

Charlie: You send a Christmas card to everyone who writes a letter to the White House.
Bartlet: I do?
Charlie: Yes, sir. And somewhere around a million people wrote you letters this year.
Bartlet: Okay, but some of those were death threats.
Charlie: They've weeded those out.