Jane: If we're lucky, we'll find a murder weapon. It was obviously a well-planned robbery.
Cho: Why is that obvious?
Jane: Nobody finds themselves in a locked room full of old masters in the middle of the night by accident, do they? So, well-planned.

Jane: Is that a tear I see?
Lisbon: Yeah, right. Just keep watching.

Jane: Is that an M-16 or a Kalashnikov?
AP: [to Kathryn] Son of a bitch. There's a machine gun in my painting. How in the hell could you not notice that?

Jane: It's all about the balance, Grace. Yin - Yang, nice - bitch. A little bit of bitch inside the nice, a little bit of nice inside the bitch.

Jane: It's funny what bad liars cops are. I guess they're not used to concealing themselves under questioning.
Lisbon: I'm a cop and I lie to you all the time, you never catch it.
Jane: I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're translucent, my dear. I always know when you're lying. Sometimes I let you think you've fooled me just so you don't feel bad.
Lisbon: Name one time.
Jane: Last thanksgiving you said you were going back East to your brother's house, but I knew you actually planned to have three days at home alone to watch old movies and eat ice cream.
Lisbon: Okay, so that's one time.

Jane: It's funny, isn't it? The big regrets in life people keep to themselves.
Lisbon: I don't know. I tell people about you.
Jane: Nice one. A zinger. High and tight.

Jane: It's lovely to meet you, doc. You're a horse's ass, but you mean well.

Jane: Judge Fitzwilliam will change her tune once I reveal her daughter's killer, won't she?
Hightower: I don't imagine she will. When are you planning on doing that?
Jane: This very evening.
Hightower: This very night?
Jane: But you have to trust me.
Lisbon: Right, and what if you're wrong again?
Jane: Well, if I'm wrong then we're in deep trouble, but what are the chances, really, of me being wrong twice in a row. Think about that one. Of course, if either of you have a better idea how to find Abby's body and catch her killer, please: these are not taxi doors, they're ears.

Jane: Let's go. I got us a table booked at the best restaurant in town. Apparently they tell you the name of the cow your steak came from.
Grace: That's horrible.

Jane: Let's keep it casual to start with Sophie. Let her relax. If she gets her guard up, we'll get nothing from her.
Lisbon: You're very combative all of a sudden.
Jane: Yeah, if she is guilty, she lied to me and I believed it. She fooled me.
Lisbon: The ultimate sin.
Jane: Yes it is.

Jane: Look at it this way. We've closed yet another case.
Lisbon: Toying with mafia bosses is no way to close cases, it's stupid.
Jane: Meh. You just trying to find fault. And I know why.
Lisbon: Oh, really?
Jane: You're still a little grumpy about the birthday present thing.
Lisbon: Will you leave that alone?
Jane: Unbelievable. You've got no reason to be grumpy anymore. [He puts a red bow on Lisbon's office door. She opens the door and finds a pony standing in her office. Lisbon smiles and is lost for words]

Jane: Make much money, playing the keyboards?
Keith Gulbrand: No, but I'm not in it for the money. You know, music is a...it's a spiritual thing.
Jane: Yeah, it is. So is money. Everything that exists has a spiritual essence. Or not at all.

Jane: Memory is unreliable because the untrained brain has a crappy filing system. It takes everything that happens to you and throws it all whilly-nilly into a big, dark closet. When you go in there looking for something all you can find are the big obvious things, like when your mom died or stuff you don't really need. Stuff that you're not looking for, like the words to Copacabana. You can't find what you need, but don't panic because it is still there.

Jane: Must be tough being Cody Elkins' little brother.
Brad: No. Well, yeah, sometimes.
Jane: Me? I'd hate it. He gets all the attention, the glory, the girls flocking around, for what? For running and jumping and catching a thing?
Brad: Yeah, monkeys could do that.
Jane: Yeah.
Brad: Monkeys could do it better.
Jane: You know, if monkeys played football, they would kick some serious jock butt.

Jane: Nice cradling.
Travis: Play lacrosse?
Jane: No. Fast moving sticks scare me.