Lisbon: So, why didn't you let me in on your brilliant plan?
Jane: Oh, you were very busy with Greg.
Lisbon: I am never too busy to solve a murder.
Jane: Well, you seemed to be very busy with Greg.

Lisbon: The brass and media are going to be all over this like suckerfish.
Jane: Well why don't we just give it to the FBI? They love that stuff.
Lisbon: Oh, I wish. It's too late. The new boss is here doing on-cameras. It's our baby.
Jane: The new boss? I thought Hightower was boss.
Lisbon: The boss of Hightower? The director of the entire division. I told you about it last week. Your memory's going.
Jane: My memory is a mighty fortress, Lisbon, from which no fact ever escapes once committed. Now when you tell me boring things, I set them free immediately. It saves overcrowding.

Lisbon: There is an explosive device of some kind under your bed.
Mr. Faulk: Oh my god. [He starts to get up from his bed]
Lisbon: Wait.
Mr. Faulk: Wait?
Lisbon: Just let me get a better look. [Looks under the bed] No, I don't think there's a pressure trigger. You can get up now.
Mr. Faulk: You don't think?
Lisbon: I'm sure it doesn't. Timer's set to go off in 10 minutes, so we have plenty of time. If you'll just get out of the bed slowly. We don't wanna jar the device in anyway.
Jane: Boom!
[Both Lisbon and Faulk look at him startled]
Lisbon: For God's sakes!
Jane: Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Lisbon: This case is closed. You're just seeing suggestion everywhere, Jane. You're too suggestible.
Jane: Hmm.
Lisbon: Oh, right. Too much of a control freak for that?
Rigsby: Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot. [Lisbon gives him a look]

Lisbon: Train station. It had to be a train station.
Jane: What's wrong with a train station?
Lisbon: People, noise, tunnels, trains. More people.

Lisbon: We better go pick up Daniel.
Jane: If we walk, you can burn some case-closed pizza calories.
Lisbon: Ha, ha. Cute.

Lisbon: We have agents at your house right now with a search warrant.
Chancellor Stern: Inadmissible.
Lisbon: Yes. I'd hate to be a State's Attorney. Jane's always pulling crap like this on them but they always win.

Lisbon: We really need to get you a bell.

Lisbon: We still have Hardy, okay? He's gonna tell us what we need to know.
Jane: Oh, you think so? You should have waited. We agreed on that.
Lisbon: What if Hardy had killed you right here?
Jane: He would have led you straight to Red John.
Lisbon: You'd be dead.
Jane: But you would have Red John.
Lisbon: I don't think you mean what you say. I think you'd choose life.
Jane: Well, you think wrong.
Lisbon: No. No, you think wrong. Can't you see there's people who care about you? Who need you? You're being selfish and childish and I want you to stop it.
Jane: I wish that I could, but, you know, some things you just can't fix.
Season 2

Lisbon: We're with the CBI. What's going on here?
Deputy: [motions to couple on underside of a bridge] They were up there when we arrived. Gotta tell you, it looks like an attempted assault. He's going to reach her soon. We're going to have to shoot to stop him.
Jane: If you shoot him you'll have two victims. She just went up there to see about jumping. He's trying to save her. Can I use that? [takes bull horn from deputy] Uh, Betsy? If you're going to jump, make sure to dive. Head first.
Deputy: Hey!
Lisbon: Jane.
Jane: From that height you'll just shatter bones and suffer massive internal injuries. Make sure you dive. Head first.

Lisbon: Well, Glenda's prints don't match any of the prints at the crime scene, and I did background checks on the drag queens. None of them stand out.
Jane: Don't let them hear you say that.

Lisbon: What are you looking for?
Jane: The dirt under his nails smelled like rosemary. [finds a planter of rosemary which fits a jewelry box found at the scene] Whatever was inside this box killed our man.
Lisbon: Well. The case is practically closed.
Jane: There's no reason to be snarky.

Lisbon: What are you? Huh? Crazy?
Jane: Excuse me?
Lisbon: I told you to be careful. I told you not to go over the edge.
Jane: And I told you not to listen.
Lisbon: Don't be childish! I am not your girlfriend, I am an officer of the law! How could I not listen?! You kissed her. And you offered to help her escape.
Jane: And I would ask her to marry me if I thought she would buy it. I was playing her.
Lisbon: She was playing you.

Lisbon: What did you do?
Jane: Nothing.
Lisbon: Eleven years in Catholic school and I never got sent to the principal's office once.
Jane: Well, that's because you're a boring, goody two shoes.
Lisbon: I didn't say I never did anything bad, I just never got caught.
Jane: [smiles] Touché.

Lisbon: What did you learn?
Jane: She's scared. She's of Italian descent. She bites her nails. She doesn't like pets or pineapple.
Lisbon: Useful stuff.