Jessie Skelling: I can't even look at you people, you make me so mad. Lee's done nothing. Nothing.
Jane: Jessie, if your husband is innocent then we're your best friends. We'll prove he's innocent. Will you help us?

Kid: Yeah, screw the cops.
Jane: Even for a midget villain like yourself, that's an untenable position. Every modern society has some kind of police force. It's like saying, screw the public transport system.

Kristina Frye: Don't you ever get tired of your own cynicism?
Jane: Oh, weary as hell, but what's the alternative?

Kristina: I talked to your wife...[Patrick begins to stop her] ah, ah... [Kristina pauses] Ever since your wife and daughter were killed, there's a question about that night's events that's been tormenting you, yes? Yes?
Jane: Yes.
Kristina: Your wife wants me to tell you that your daughter never woke up. She didn't know what happened. She wasn't scared, not even for a second.
Jane: Are you done channeling? That's it?
Kristina: That's it.
[Jane looks away]
Jane: [Curtly] Thanks.
Kristina: Goodbye, Mr. Jane.

Kristina: You can smile your arrogant smile and pretend you know everything about everything, but you don't. There are whole worlds that you can't even begin to understand.
Jane: Synchronized swimming is the only world that springs to mind, but I'm sure you're right.
Season 3

La Roche: Slicing them, coming across the face. Happens when you're feeling stressed. Lisbon may I speak with you?
Lisbon smiles.

LaRoche: [answers the door] Jane.
Jane: LaRoche, you have a house and a fluffy white dog. Are those Hummel figurines?
LaRoche: Yeah. You find that amusing?
Jane: I just didn't picture you living in an actual house.
LaRoche: Where did you think I live?
Jane: In a burrow on a riverbank or something like that.

LaRoche: You're a fascinating man, Patrick. Who knows what you might have achieved in this world, were you not quite so damaged.

Linda Tibbs: I already told you I'm not getting involved.
Rigsby: We're not asking you to, ma'am. We just need you to cooperate.
Linda Tibbs: It doesn't matter what you need! I don't trust you and I'm not going to help!
Van Pelt: If you quit now you're going to miss the best part: payback.
Linda Tibbs: What are you talking about?
Van Pelt: A few months ago I had a fiance. He tried to kill me.
Linda Tibbs: You're lying.
Van Pelt: Look, everybody thought he was the greatest guy, including me. Then he pulled a gun on me.
Linda Tibbs: What did you do?
Van Pelt: I shot him.
Rigsby: Dead.

Lisbon: [about Nina Hodge] If she followed her husband before, she could have tailed him again and killed him.
Jane: No, she didn't do it. She loved him.
Lisbon: She was a prisoner of her husbands life. She gets rid of him, gets a fresh start.
Jane: People trapped in miserable lives, always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and pretend the misery doesn't exist.

Lisbon: [activates an automatic dancing toy Santa] I can't believe people buy this crap.
Jane: I sense a Christmas speech coming on.
Lisbon: No, I just think people can celebrate a holy day without lying to children about a magical fat guy with a sack full of toys.
Jane: So you took the whole Santa revelation badly, huh?
Lisbon: It crushed my heart like a cigarette.
Jane: That explains why you're still looking for magic in your life.

Lisbon: [After Jane let Walter's car fall off a cliff. Lisbon gets a phone call] Hey Cho... Oh no... Oh great. No. No, you can handle this one. Just be clear that the CBI is not liable. He is just a consultant.

Lisbon: [Answering her phone] Where the hell are you?
Jane: Nicole remembered everything. She can describe the suspect. We're looking for a tall, well-built man with brown hair and glasses. Mid-thirties.
Lisbon: That's it? That describes half the men in California.
Jane: Yeah, that's it. But at least we know it wasn't her that killed Kara. And it wasn't Rulon Farnes.
Lisbon: Nice work. For this you illegally abducted her from the sheriff's custody?
Jane: Yeah, I was gonna tell you about it, but seeing that it's illegal, best to keep you out of it so you have deniability.
Lisbon: How considerate of you.

Lisbon: [kicks the couch] Wake up. Newsome Kirk posted bail. He's going to be gone in an hour.
Jane: Just in time for the 6:10 to Alpha Centauri.
Lisbon: He was right about Harley's psychiatrist. She did propose a book, but she withdrew it, so she had motive.
Jane: Kind of.
Lisbon: Who do you think did it?
Jane: Jabba the Hutt.
Lisbon: Seriously.
Jane: Ming the Merciless.
Lisbon: Okay.
Jane: ALF?
Lisbon: When the aliens do come, I hope they eat you.

Lisbon: [knocks] Jane! It's me.
Jane: [opens a side door, surprising Lisbon] Hey, Lisbon. Excellent work finding us.
Lisbon: I am very unhappy with you. Is he in there?
Jane: Yep.
Lisbon: Bring him out. No funny business or I will shoot to kill.
Jane: You're very persuasive. We'll be right out.