Blanche: We cannot have a baby in the house! My sister's coming.
Dorothy: Does she eat them?

Blanche: We're going to New York for the honeymoon. I just hope I don't get murdered.

Blanche: Well then everything was just a misunderstanding, and Norman really did dump me for a fat woman!
Sophia: No kidding, fatter than you?

Blanche: Well, Barbara, Dorothy tells us you're an author.
Barbara: No, I'm just a writer. Malamud's an author.
Rose: I thought Malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallows in them.
Dorothy: Those are Malomars, Rose.

Blanche: Well, I am stunned. Just stunned. Stunned is the only way to describe how...stunned I am!
Dorothy: Just a minute, just a minute, Blanche. Are you trying to tell us that you are stunned?

Blanche: Well, I certainly didn't wait for my wedding night, honey. I couldn't - I had these urges. You know, in the South, we mature faster. I think it's the heat.
Dorothy: I think it's the gin.

Blanche: Well, I was, but as it turned out nothing fit me.
Dorothy: What did you expect, Blanche? Last weekend you ate so many pudding pops you could have built the Eiffel Tower from the sticks.
Blanche: That is not what I meant. I meant everything just hangs on me.
Sophia: Of course it does! That's why you have to cover it with a dress

Blanche: Well, this is not the end, I can promise you that. Justice will be done here! I hate criminals. I just hate 'em! Someone's gonna pay for this heinous crime! We're gonna have a good, old-fashioned hangin'! That's right, a hangin'! Only first we'll have a whippin', and then we'll have a hangin'! Nobody takes my mama's jewels without swingin' for it! Nighty-night.

Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.

Blanche: What do you think?
Rose: There's something about her I don't like.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: I find her hard to talk to.
Blanche: Me too.
Rose: She thinks I'm dumb.
Blanche: Me too.

Blanche: What if you were giving a eulogy for me, Dorothy? What would you say?
Dorothy: Well... I think I'd say that you were a kind, generous and loving person, and one of the best friends I've ever had.
Blanche: Nothing about my looks?
Dorothy: Okay, I'd say you were one of the prettiest friends I've ever had.
Blanche: Only "one of"?
Dorothy: The, Blanche! The prettiest. ... What would you say about me?
Blanche: Dorothy...
Dorothy: I told you, you can tell me.
Blanche: Well, I think I'd say that... I always felt safe having you in the house. And I'd say that I always enjoyed talking to you when I came home from one of my numerous dates. And I'd say that I always looked up to you, like an older sister.
Dorothy: Thank you, Blanche. Oh, and I forgot one thing: I would also say you're fat.

Blanche: Who is he?
Rose: His name is Al.
Blanche: No, I mean what does he do?
Rose: He imports diamonds.
Blanche: Oh, damn, I hope he's not dead!

Blanche: Wills make people do crazy things.
Dorothy: Like what Blanche?
Blanche: Do you know what they just uncovered in the Duncan Osgood murder case? That the day before she was murdered, Tippi Paxton Osgood had changed her will, making Duncan the sole heir to the Paxton Napkin fortune! [Dorothy stares at her] That man is guilty!
Dorothy: Oh come on, that's circumstantial evidence, I mean, it's not enough to convict him.
Blanche: Well actually, the more damning evidence was the snapshot of Duncan dressed in scuba gear dragging Tippi's body down the stairs, wrapped in a carpet. [Dorothy stares at her again]
Dorothy: Maybe it was from their wedding album.

Blanche: You really think selling candy is going to qualify you for that prestigious award?
Dorothy: Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize that slipping my tongue to half the firemen in the county was the more lofty social achievement!

Blanche: You still watch television?
Lily: Well, I don't exactly watch it. I just pretend it's radio.
Sophia: [about television] We don't exactly watch it either, with our crummy TV. We get two channels at once. For a while there I thought Benson was having an affair with Miss Ellie.