Blanche: My God, you're Mr. Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: I sure hope so. If not, I've got the wrong underwear on.

Blanche: My great-granddaddy always said, there are two things you never sell to a friend - a car and a slave - because if either one of 'em quits workin' you'll never hear the end of it. Of course, they hanged my great-granddaddy. He said a lot of things he shouldn't have.

Blanche: My whole life is an open book.
Sophia: Your whole life is an open blouse!

Blanche: Nancy, honey. Now I don't generally like to throw my name around but you really leave me no choice. It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson! And now, if you don't mind, I would like two rooms.
Nancy: You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
Blanche: I know, I have altered my appearance for a very important movie role.
Dorothy: Yeah, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron Curtain.

Blanche: Night after night I had this awful dream that I was trapped in an enclosed space full of men!
Dorothy: Now what could that mean? [short pause] Let's give this a second...

Blanche: No one in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist... except of course, when they were institutionalized!

Blanche: Nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. I guess it's the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman.
Dorothy: Oh, please!
Blanche: The only other woman who could possibly understand what I've been through is Priscilla Presley. And Susan Anton. [beat] No, not Susan Anton.

Blanche: Now Dorothy, if you're saying you can't get stimulating conversation around this house, I beg to differ.
Rose: [enters, reading a tabloid newspaper] I can't believe it. It says here that since Michael Jackson can't buy the Elephant Man, he's now put in a bid for the remains of the Big Bopper.
Blanche: Rose, you can't believe everything you read in that rag! It caters to people of the lowest intelligence.
Rose: Then why do you buy it?
Blanche: Because it's the only newspaper Elvis will talk to from beyond the grave!

Blanche: Oh girls, I am devastated, just devastated.
Dorothy: What happened?
Blanche: I asked my teacher for help like you all told me to. He said the only way I would get an A on his final is if I sleep with him.
Rose: No!
Blanche: Oh yes. I just don't know what to do!
Sophia: Get it in writing!

Blanche: Oh my god, is that me?!
Rose: Oh, that's my fault, Blanche, I was out of focus.
Sophia: You're always out of focus.
Blanche: No, I look old, I look ancient, I look all wrinkled up and shriveled like a prune!
Sophia: It could be worse, she could look like Fess Parker.

Blanche: Oh, we've practiced enough! Every morning before work, every evening after work... all I ever wanted was to look cute in my bowling outfit.

Blanche: Oh, you don't have to worry about me, honey, I never get sick. I take very good care of myself. I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

Blanche: Rose tells us you're gettin' married.
Sven: Yes, and I hope I'm good at it. I don't have that much experience vith vomen.
Blanche: A big, strong, handsome thing like you? Get out of here!
Sven: Vell, it vas nice meeting all of you. [runs out front door]
Rose: [following Sven] It was an expression, Sven!
Blanche: [to Dorothy] You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I think Rose got the brains in that family.

Blanche: Rose! It is 2 AM! What are you still doing up?
Rose: Well I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd get up and make a batch of Sparhuven Krispies. It's an ancient Scandinavian midnight snack.
Dorothy: I guess after a night of pillaging and raping, a Viking wants a little something to go with his cocoa.
Blanche: Well they smell God awful!
Rose: Yeah just when you're about ready to throw up from the stench, that's when they're done. Who wants some?
Dorothy: [commenting on the smell of Rose's snacks] Rose, if these had been offered to the Donner Party, they still would've eaten each other!
Rose: Don't be silly Dorothy. They're delicious. You just have to know how to eat them. You hold your nose with one hand [holding nose] and you pop a krispie in your mouth with the other. Mmm! That tastes like cheesecake, fresh strawberries, and chocolate ice cream.
Blanche: [tries one] My gosh, you're right. That is the best thing I have ever tasted!
Dorothy: [eating a krispie] This is delicious!
Sophia enters kitchen Hey, give me a break. You can't smell that from the hall!

Blanche: Rose, honey, would you pass me the tuffie.
Rose: With pleasure, Blanche.
Blanche: Thank you, Rose.
Rose: You're more than welcome, Blanche. You can always count on me to hand you the tuffie.
Blanche: I know, that's why I always ask you.
Dorothy: You know, I think I saw Jack and Janet give Chrissy this treatment on an episode of Three's Company.
Blanche: Oh, at last a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.
Rose: I guess her well of knowledge has run dry. That's a metaphor Dorothy.