Blanche: I feel that you have backed me into a corner, and when I am backed into a corner, I come out fightin' like a wildcat. Unless I've had too much to drink, in which case I slide down the wall and make mad passionate love on the carpet.

Blanche: I need both of my kidneys. You know what'll happen if I give her one? My ankles'll swell, my eyes'll puff up. I'll look just like the Pillsbury Doughboy!

Blanche: I never had PMS.
Rose: Neither did I. But I had a BMW.

Blanche: I saw some of the sketches that Laszlo has done of me and they're horrible. The hair is all big and frizzy and the body is all droopy and saggy. The woman in those pictures is a dog!
Rose: Blanche, the woman in those photos is me.
Blanche: I know she sounds like you dear, but she's not.
Rose: Oh, yes she is. [pulls out key], I wanted to tell you a long time ago.
Blanche: Oh God, strike me here and now if Laszlo prefers Rose Nylund over me.
Rose: He said he wanted someone with more innocence.
Blanche: With more cellulite is more like it.
Rose: You take that back!
Blanche: I will not!
Rose: Yes, you will!
Blanche: No I won't!
Dorothy: Girls, girls what's going on here.
Blanche: Nothing, Rose here just stabbed me in the back.
Rose: I did not, Laszlo asked me to pose for him.
Blanche: I don't know why, he'd go to Sea World if he wants to see a naked whale.
Rose: Or to your bathtub!
Blanche: Oh, all right Missy, this is war, both of us will continuing seeing Laszlo.
Rose: Fine, he is going to pick me.
Blanche: No he's not, he's going to pick me.
Dorothy: Girls, girls I can solve this.
Blanche: All right Dorothy, tell her who he is going to pick.
Dorothy: It's going to be me. [pulls out key]
Blanche: You too?
Dorothy: He asked me last Thursday.
Blanche: Well, I am stunned.
Rose: I'm relieved!
Blanche: Relieved.
Rose Yeah, the woman you saw in those horrible drawings must have been Dorothy!

Blanche: I think I have a little more endurance than you.
Dorothy: Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.

Blanche: I will not have that filthy beast in my house! It belongs in a barnyard!
Rose: This is not a farm chicken. Count Bessie is a showbiz chicken! Wait'll you see this! [exits]
Blanche: [to Dorothy] A showbiz chicken. What she do, play the piano?
Rose: [re-enters with a mini-piano] She plays the piano!

Blanche: I wish I hired a decorator...Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister!

Blanche: I would do it [go undercover], but I'm afraid I might be too conspicuous. It's a dinner party and I plan to show cleavage!

Blanche: It is mind over matter. Now, Dorothy, you can get up off that couch! You're not sick anymore, Dorothy! You can... HEAL YOURSELF! WALK, DOROTHY, WALK!
Sophia: Hey, just because you put your makeup on with a butter knife, doesn't make you Tammy Bakker.

Blanche: It was at that moment I realized that my bosoms had the power to make music!
Dorothy: Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?

Blanche: Let me get a look at you, girl! Terrific little figure, gorgeous hair, perfect skin! Just like looking in the mirror.
Sophia: Get some Windex!

Blanche: Let's talk about you, it looks like you've lost a little weight, sugar.
Virginia: I have.
Blanche: You know, at your age when you lose weight your skin just...hangs there, like...like leaves on a willow.
Virginia: I haven't lost that much, I don't think that's happened yet.
Blanche: Well I don't know. If I were you I sure wouldn't wave goodbye.
Virginia: And if I were you, I sure wouldn't jog without a muumuu.
Blanche: Is that so, well just let me tell you somethin' missy.....
Virginia: Oh Blanche, please, let's not do this. Let's grow up, for God's sake. We have done this our whole lives long, let's call an end to it, okay?
Blanche: Sure, whatever. So, you thinkin' about gettin' a face lift? For your, how do I put this delicately.....turkey waddle or what?

Blanche: Maybe Michael needs a little exposure.
Rose: Exposure to what?
Dorothy: To plutonium, Rose.

Blanche: Michael seems like such a nice young man.
Dorothy: Oh, he really is. But I'm worried about him; he's always been a little flighty.
Blanche: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that; Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty... Or was it a little floozy?

Blanche: My backside is spread all across the front page! How could they do that?
Sophia: They probably used a wide-angle lens.