Rose: [about the dog] He followed me home.
Dorothy: Oh come on, Rose, you drive to the market. How did he follow you home, in a taxi?!

Rose: [about why the baby, Emily, is crying] She probably misses her mother, needs to hear a feminine voice.
Dorothy: [holding Emily] And what have I been doing, my Ben Gazzara impression?

Rose: [after she wins the coin toss to decide who gets the room Blanche had promised to both her and Dorothy] Don't worry, Dorothy, I'll make it up to you. If there's ever a night when you can't sleep, I'll come into your room and sing "Kumbaya".
Dorothy: Rose, I don't know what to say. Yes, I do: Don't ever do that.

Rose: [arriving at the dance tournament and seeing Blanche and Dorothy there] Hi, girls!
Dorothy: Et tu, Judas?
Rose: No, it's me, Rose. I'm just wearing my hair a little differently.

Rose: [describing a nightmare she had to Dorothy] I'm at the banquet. It looks beautiful, I look beautiful, everyone looks beautiful. Suddenly Charlton Heston walks in dressed like Moses, and he tries to part the dessert table. And when that doesn't work, he rounds up all the guests and leads them to the lingerie department of the nearest J.C. Penney's, where everybody starts making fun of the fat lady underwear. What do you suppose it means?
Dorothy: That you spent too many years sleeping on curlers.

Rose: [describing what she saw] And at the information desk was this huge train schedule. And next to every departure it said "Destination: Heaven." My first thought was, "Gee, what a great title for a movie!" My second thought was "Damn! I'm dead!"

Rose: [knocking on Sophia's door] Sophia?
Sophia: I'm not in. Wait for the beep and leave a message. Beep!
Rose: Hi, this is Rose...
Sophia: Rose, shut up and get in here!

Rose: [listening to a planted bug] They keep talking about that noodlehead in the red dress. Could that be code language?
Dorothy: Only to the noodlehead in the red dress.

Rose: [on Blanche] I think she's a gerchominochen!
Doctor: Well, what exactly does that mean?
Rose: Literally, it's the precise moment when dog doo turns white.
[Pause, as Blanche is shown with a horrified and shocked look on her face.]
Rose: But in general, it refers to the kind of person you don't want to share your hodenkugels with.
Dorothy: Rose, if you say one more of those stupid words, so help me...
Rose: Oh, blow it out your tubenburbles!

Rose: [on first impressions] I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean, she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We used to call her Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No, that was her name, Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper. She had it changed legally, 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't "Big Dummy"?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name.

Rose: [on Rebecca marrying Jeremy] It's her daughter, it's her choice. It's like something that happened back in St. Olaf...
Dorothy: [furious] Oh, Rose, STOP! Rose, why is it when any one of us makes an observation, the first thing we hear from you is "Back in St. Olaf"?! Did it ever occur to you that we might be sick and tired of hearing, "Back in St. Olaf, back in St. Olaf, back in St. Olaf"?!!!
Rose: [surprised] Gee, no, I never realized. I'm sorry.
Dorothy: Oh, that's okay.
Rose: Back in that town whose name you're tired of...
Dorothy: ROSE!!!!

Rose: [on why she loves washing dishes] In Minnesota, the whole family'd get together and wash dishes. Even Uncle Gustav, after the giant Swiss Army Knife accident, learned to dry dishes with his feet. We used to laugh and carry on and have such a happy time.
Sophia: What is it with you people? All you ever had were happy times?! It's sickening! Happy times freezing in the cold, happy times during the locust invasion, happy times eating reindeer! How about death, did you have happy times then?
Rose: Yes, actually, we did. It was a chance to get together and remember other happy times!
Sophia: She's beginning to get to me.

Rose: [onboard cruiseship] Ahoy girls. Quick, grab some champagne.
Blanche: Ooh, I just love champagne!
Dorothy: Oh so do I. The only problem is after a few glasses I'll kiss any man in sight.
[commotion in background] MAN OVERBOARD!

Rose: [pretending the dog is talking to her] Don't explain, Rose. I used to live with a couple of bitches myself.

Rose: [pretending to flirt with Elliot to make him confess to hitting on Blanche] Did anyone ever tell you, you look just like Jerry Vale?
Elliot: No...
Rose: They should. He's the only man in the world that can make the hair on my arms stand up. [begins suggestively bobbing up and down] Can I fix you a drink?
Elliot: No thank you. Is something wrong with your leg?
Rose: Nothing you can't fix, [breathily] Doctor Man!
Elliot: I beg your pardon?
Rose: I know I look square, but I'm like my father's tractor. I take a while to warm up, but once I get going I can turn your topsoil till the cows come home.
Elliot: Rose, please!
Rose: Wanna see some Polaroids of me in my tennis skirt?