[The four convene at Amanda Babbage's house]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk, old buddy, old pal, old chum.
Sharona Fleming: �Old buddy��? What have you done with the real Captain Stottlemeyer?
Adrian Monk: What do we have?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Mail bomb. An ounce and a half of plastique with a magnesium charge.
Lt. Randall Disher: There were two triggers: a chemical detonator wired to the wrapping, and a motion detector--so when you opened it and moved it, "boom".
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Not hard to make.
Lt. Randall Disher: Crude and unpredictable, actually.
Adrian Monk: Who's the victim?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Amanda Babbage, thirty-five years old. She lived here alone.
Adrian Monk: Nice house.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It was a lot nicer two hours ago.
Adrian Monk: [notices the ATF agents] The Feds are here?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, up the wazoo -- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. They're in charge, and they're not shy about saying so. Monk, if you can make me look good here, I would really appreciate it. I'd love to show these bastards up. Wouldn't hurt our careers either.

[the SFPD has come to arrest Frank Prager, who is hiding in a church]
Sister Heather: Captain Stottlemeyer, I'm Sister Heather.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hi, sister. You know why I'm here, right?
Sister Heather: Yes. He's here; he's in the sanctuary. He's very frightened. You think he tried to murder you?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, ma'am, I do.
Sister Heather: You obviously have very strong feelings about this.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're godda- Yes, I do.
Sister Heather: I just want to make sure that Brad isn't mistreated.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Brad's not his name.
Sister Heather: You're right, I don't know his real name, but I know the man. He's been working in our outreach program. He's been feeding the hungry and the homeless every night. When they're too tired to come here, he brings food to them.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Maybe he has a guilty conscience.
Sister Heather: Well, any conscience at all is a rare thing these days. What do you want, Captain?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I want justice.
Sister Heather: Well, he's afraid that you want something else. He's afraid you and the other policemen want...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Revenge.
Sister Heather: My father once taught me an important lesson: "There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness."
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Your father?
Sister Heather: He's your father, too.

[Three police cars intercept Chris Downey's pickup truck as he drives out of the cemetery]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Turn off the motor! Throw your keys out the window! [Downey complies]
Lt. Randall Disher: [advancing on Downey, his gun drawn] Show me your hands, Downey! Show me your hands! Get out of the car! Get out of the car! [Downey slowly opens his door just as Natalie runs up. Stottlemeyer gets her out of the crossfire]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Natalie, stay back! Stay back! [He forces Downey onto the hood of his truck] Where's Monk?! What did you do with him?
Chris Downey: Relax, Captain. He's still alive, for now.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Where is he? What did you do with him? We can save both of your lives.
Chris Downey: If you wanna find your friend, I want something too: I want a car to the airport. [produces a small bag from his uniform pocket] I'm already packed. I want a jet that can fly 2,000 miles without refuelling. When I'm in the air, I'll tell you, A) Where I'm going, and B) where you can dig up... [stammers] Di-Dig. Y-you can dig. [immediately has a heart attack and collapses to the ground]
Natalie Teeger: Oh my God, I think he's had a heart attack! [They start to perform CPR on him]
Lt. Randall Disher: He's got no pulse.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Downey! Downey!
Natalie Teeger: Don't die on us!

[To search van Ranken's house, Adrian and Sharona make a surprise visit]
Sharona Fleming: Hi, I'm Sharona Fleming and this is Adrian Monk.
Pat van Ranken: [starts breathing heavier] Monk... from next door?
Adrian Monk: No, I'm his brother.
Pat van Ranken: You almost gave me a heart attack! That guy hasn't left the house in, what, twenty years?
Adrian Monk: Thirty-two...
Pat van Ranken: My wife knows him. Isn't he... scared of stuff?
Adrian Monk: Yes... he's scared of stuff. Stuff... and things.

[Tonday gives Monk his headband from his famous 1973 run. Monk places it against his cheek.]
Monk: Thank you, my friend. Thank you for this. This... means the world to me.
Tonday: I haven't worn it since the big race. Or washed it.
[Tonday gets into his taxi. Monk pulls the headband off his cheek and stares at it.]
Monk: Baggie! Baggie! Baggie, baggie!
Sharona: Just give it to me.

[Trying to locate the murder victim, Monk investigates some missing bags of quicklime.]
Adrian Monk: There had to be more than one person. I think we're looking for a gang. Did they move those palette boards?
Groundskeeper: They don't belong there.
[Monk compares the window height to the palette stack height.]
Adrian Monk: They were short.
Groundskeeper: A short gang of lime thieves?
Adrian Monk: It's a nutty world.

[Two officers discuss an inmate who will be executed soon]
Warden Christie: Where's Ray Kaspo?
Guard: In the holding cell, having his last meal. Ribs and chili.
Warden Christie: Ribs and chili? That might kill him before we do.

[watching a somber parrot]
Natalie Teeger: What happened to him?
Adrian Monk: His wife died.
Pet Store Owner: That's right. We had a female in there with him, but she died about a year ago. How did you know that?
Natalie Teeger: Why not put another female in there with him?
Adrian Monk: Won't work. He'll never feel the same about anyone else.
Pet Store Owner: That's right. How did you know that? We put another female in there with him, but I'm afraid ol' Sergeant Pepper is going to grow old and die alone in this little cage. [pause]
Natalie Teeger: [to Monk] What was her name?
Adrian Monk: Trudy.

[While catching up with Natasia while stalking her, Monk accidentally causes a tower of performers to fall over]
Adrian Monk: Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Natasia Lovara: Don't worry about them. They know how to fall. It's the first thing we learn. You brought your camera, Mr. Monk. [Monk regains his composure]
Adrian Monk: Oh, sure. I love it here. It's so upbeat.
Natasia Lovara: You hate it here. You think I can walk. You're trying to catch me.
Adrian Monk: You're right. I was.
Natasia Lovara: You saw the x-rays, Mr. Monk. How can I walk on this? I'm curious. What is your theory?
Adrian Monk: Some people have a very high threshold for pain. They can take it.
Natasia Lovara: Mm, nice try, but any doctor will tell you it's impossible. Besides, I was married to Sergei for 15 years. That's enough pain for a lifetime.
Adrian Monk: You fell two weeks ago. Is that right?
Natasia Lovara: Your point?
Adrian Monk: Your cast looks ... looks like new. No scuff marks. It's not even discolored.
Natasia Lovara: Again, nice try. My old one was itching.
Adrian Monk: Ah.
Natasia Lovara: So I put a new one on four days ago. [An organ playing fanfare is heard] The show is about to begin. You are missing it.
Adrian Monk: You're wrong, Natasia. I'm not missing a thing.

[While Monk's in bed Stottlemeyer visits him.]
Stottlemeyer: [pointing to machine] What's this?
Monk: Humidifier.
Stottlemeyer: [Pointing to other machine] And this?
Monk: De-humidifier.
[long pause]
Stottlemeyer: Well, don't they cancel each other out?
Monk: Exactly.

[while pretending to be a convict, Monk tapes a picture of Trudy to his cell wall]
Spyder Rudner: Is that your old lady?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Spyder Rudner: Is she waiting for you?
Adrian Monk: Yes, she is.

[while sitting down to play bingo, a bingo addict carrying a troll doll turns to Adrian]
Bingo Addict: Do you want to rub my lucky troll? It's good luck.
Adrian Monk: Uh, no, thank you.
Bingo Addict: Go ahead. Rub the troll.
Adrian Monk: No thank you. Uh, I've been rubbing trolls all day.
Bingo Addict: If you don't rub the troll, it's bad karma.
[Adrian finally resorts to rubbing the troll aggressively with his shirt sleeve]

[while Stottlemeyer and Monk question Harold Krenshaw, Stottlemeyer takes a bite of a coconut donut]
Harold Krenshaw: Now you have to eat a sugar one.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Don't want a sugar one.
Adrian Monk: Then you could take three more coconuts and two chocolate.
Harold Krenshaw: Or two coconuts and two glazed.
Adrian Monk: Or he could just eat all of them. That would be easier.
Harold Krenshaw: That's a good idea.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Or, I can do this. [He grabs the box, mashes it, then folds it in half, and pokes a hole in the middle] There. Now there's one donut. One big damn donut.