Radar (about Frank): I'm probably responsible for his leaving.
BJ: You should come here more often.

Radar (about his tattoo): It'll come off when I take a bath.
Hawkeye: My God, it is permanent.

Radar (about the dog): Just a mutt. I give it stuff from the kitchen...although I don't like being cruel to animals.

Radar (his last line in M*A*S*H): I'm ready, let's go.

Radar (over the PA): Attention! By command of the new Commanding Officer, all officers report to the Commanding Officer's office, sirs!
Potter: Father Mulcahy. (Sees the cross Mulcahy has around his neck). Yes, of course. You're clean.
Mulcahy: Thank God, sir.
Potter: Catholic?
Mulcahy: Yes, sir.
Potter: Can you do a Methodist thing for me on Sunday?
Mulcahy: I handle all denominations. Colonel.
Potter: Any other Methodists in the outfit?
Mulcahy: Two or three.
Potter: Good. I hate to sing alone. Major Houlihan.
Houlihan: Sir!
Potter: Chief nurse.
Houlihan: Yes, sir.
Potter: Ten years, spotless record.
Houlihan: Thank you sir.
Potter: Major Frank Burns.
Houlihan: Just friends, sir. I mean, he's not here, sir. He's indisposed.
Potter: Captain Pierce.
Hawkeye: Yo!
Potter: Keep your yo's to yourself. Captain Hunnicutt.
BJ: Yes sir.
Potter: You two were reprimanded by Major Burns for setting fire to the latrine.
Hawkeye: That was an accident.
BJ: We were having a weenie roast.
Potter: In the latrine?
BJ: We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.
Potter: Also Pierce, it says here you had a live chicken flown here by helicopter, claiming it was a patient.
Hawkeye: That was a rare bird, Colonel. It could tap-dance.
Potter: And a year ago the Tokyo Provost Marshal claims you stole a steam shovel.
Hawkeye: I couldn't get a cab.
Potter: I gather you drink.
Hawkeye: Only to excess.

Radar (reading aloud what his mother is saying in her home movie): "I love you, Walter."
BJ: Gee Dad, talkies.
Mulcahy: Who's Walter?
Radar: Oh, that's my given name.
Hawkeye: Give it back.

Radar (talking about his promotion): It just come right outta the blue!
Hawkeye: Nah, the way you've been lifting that barge, toting that bale.
BJ: Not getting drunk and landing in jail.
Hawkeye: Had to happen.
BJ: It was in the cards.

Radar [reading Hawkeye's letter]: "Take care, son. We are connecting the dogs."
Hawkeye: That's "counting the days."
Radar: "We are counting the days. All my love..." Major Burns.
Hawkeye: What?
Radar: Major Burns, coming this way.

Radar: (waking up North Korean thinking he's Potter): Sir? Sir. Sir. Holy socks! (Bumps into Maj. Burns) Sir I didn't mean to wake you.
Frank: Wake me? You thought I was asleep? No I was just trying to see what our prisoner would do. I flushed him out of the woods.
Radar: Let me help you with your chocolate.
Frank: That's not chocolate!
Radar: Right it's not chocolate.

Radar: [at show-end referring to sniper's thinking that he was firing on MacArthur's headquarters] Where do you think you're going to get a MacArthur to show him, for Pete's sake?
[Hawkeye and Trapper dress a sleeping Burns with cap, sunglasses, and corncob pipe]
Frank: [awakening] What's going on?
Hawkeye: You have returned.

Radar: [during roll call] Major Frank Marion Burns.
Trapper: [snickers] Marion.
Hawkeye: His folks wanted a boy.

Radar: [referring to a book Hawkeye is holding] War AND Peace?
Trapper: Well, Tolstoy was very flexible. He went either way.

Radar: [referring to Henry, after Frank and Margaret have asked to see him] I'm afraid he's doing some very important sleeping for the army right now.

Radar: [seeing Klinger in a suit] Don't I know your sister?

Radar: Colonel! Colonel, it's Klinger, he's back!
Potter: Thank God he's back alive, I'm gonna kill him!