[Higgins is being nice to Magnum because he wants him to play bridge with him]
Higgins: Put Magnum's bill on my tab. [bartender looks very surprised, hands up in the air in defense]
Bartender: I always do.
[Higgins is trying not to get angry at Magnum]
Higgins: Tomorrow at three?
Magnum: I'll try.

[Magnum is "playing" the saxophone]
Higgins: Magnum....Magnum!.....Magnum!!
Magnum: Hi, Higgins!
Higgins: How fiendishly deceptive of you Magnum. I could have sworn I was hearing the emasculation of a large rodent. To my great surprise, I see the sounds are emanating from what I thought was a harmless musical instrument.
Magnum: Cute Higgins, real cute. [Magnum resumes playing saxophone badly]
Higgins: Why Magnum? Why do this terrible thing?
Magnum: Higgins, I'll have you know I used to be very good. I was the second best sax player in my High School band.
Higgins: Well how many sax players were there?!
Magnum: ...Anyway, I just saw this in a pawn shop window and thought I'd like to try and get my chops back.
Higgins: May I suggest that your "chops" are irretrievable.

[Magnum is at a fancy dress party in his normal trademark look]
Marge: Great costume!
Magnum: Oh, this isn't a costume.
Nolan: Really?! You wear that shirt in public?

[Magnum is planning to go undercover in prison]
Jack Damon: I don't understand you, you think you're going to a summer camp?
Magnum: I think I got it in the right perspective, it's just a farm � I'm gonna do a little manual labor, and watch a lot of TV.
Higgins: Well at least you have experience in one of the two. [pauses] Be careful.
Season 6

[Magnum is unsure if he's talking to Higgins or his half-brother]
Magnum: Tell me a story. The "Gunga Din Story"!
Higgins: For god sake Magnum, this is hardly the time!...
Magnum: If you're Higgins, anytime is the time! The "Gunga Din Story" now!
Higgins: Malaysia, 1943. Our regiment was hopelessly outnumbered and faced certain death. In our ranks was a young Lt. Ian Bowerly and during a lull in the battle he recited Gunga Din. I suppose to keep up our courage in face of the inevitable. His eloquent recitation grew increasingly louder until it thundered through the jungle. To our amazement, the Japanese troops walked forward. Although they spoke no English they were entranced by the poem. They allowed us all to leave the area unharmed except for poor Mr. Bowerly. As we made our escape we could hear him reciting other Kipling favorites, literally for miles. To this day, his fate remains unknown.
Magnum: Thank you. I believe your half brother is going to assassinate the president of Costa De Rosa.

[Magnum shoots the lock off a hatch on the elevator roof]
Higgins: Why didn't you do that before now?
Magnum: Because I didn't want to waste a bullet. If it is Nahli playing the games, we may need it. [He climbs up and looks through the hatch]
Higgins: Magnum, are you certain it was a Mr. Bill Nahli you were to meet here?
Magnum: [sees a rat on top of the elevator] A rat!
Higgins: I didn't ask for your opinion of his character. Just tell me if you're sure that's who you were to meet; Nahli, N-A-H-L-I?
Magnum: Yes, and I just saw an R-A-T that could eat Rhode Island.

[Magnum warily watches as a shark circles him]
Magnum: [narrating] I once had one follow me on my surf ski. He just hung a few meters off my rudder. I know I set a personal speed record getting back to shore that day.

[T.C. and Rick are roped in to pad out the numbers of Magnum's class on how to be private investigator]
T.C.: I've heard that some private investigators don't even do any of that bone-numbing research and that they actually con other people to do it for them.
Rick: Yes, I've heard that also, but surely that can't be true.

[T.C. is brewing chili in Magnum's kitchen]
Higgins: My God, what is that odor?
T.C.: Higgie-baby, you're talking about my Aunt Rola's original, Creole flaming, bayou blasting chilli. Wanna try a little taste?
Higgins: Not without a paramedic in attendance.

[While trapped in an elevator together, Magnum accuses Higgins of being Robin Masters]
Magnum: No no no, you're laughing, because you're trapped. You have never laughed like this. Now admit it. You've spent all these years pretending to be Robin's employee because you didn't want anybody to know that you write cheap pulp novels.
Higgins: And who, may I ask, is the man we know and address as Robin Masters?
Magnum: I don't know, some little guy with a voice like Orson Wells and a body like Truman Capote, that you hired to pose as Robin. And it was very interesting casting. You weren't satisfied with de nom de plume, you developed this whole persona, to create the kind of playboy you envisioned writing cheap pulp, so 'you' could devote yourself to serious writing.