Rick: You know, Higgins, there's something that I always wanted to tell you. I mean, deep down, you're really an okay guy.
Higgins: How reassuring.

Susan: [narrating] I know what you're thinking, and you're right. I felt bad about ending up in a competition with a stand-up guy like Thomas. I'd always liked his style. Hmph, in fact, he had a lot to do with my deciding to join the flat-foot fraternity. But the first thing I learned at "Lucky Steele's Detective School" was that a savy P.I. doesn't think much about the human condition. We always suspect everyone. And that's why we are so rarely disappointed. I wasn't ready to panic, but the palm on my shifting hand was starting to itch. And since my heap had the horses, I decided to use them. I had to hope the gumshoe gods were watching over me.

T.C.: [after Magnum and Rick complain about his piloting] You get what you pay for, and none of you paid!
Rick: Where is your holiday spirit?
T.C.: Back home in New Orleans, which is where I'm gonna be as soon as Captain Calvin's Charity Chopper dumps all you freeloaders off!

T.C.: [Looks at the screen] Did it ever occur to you that boy can not count past one?

T.C.: [Pulls Magnum out of trouble and a bullet cracks the windshield] Some things never change.

T.C.: [to Magnum] I knew this investigative business was easy, else you wouldn't be in it.
Season 3

T.C.: And Robin Master's little red wagon for the whole entire time that you're gone. Sorry Thomas, but I need wheels and I'm having problems with the van.
Magnum: What's wrong with it?
T.C.: It's not a Ferrari.

T.C.: Somewhere, somehow, I'm going to get you for this. Higgie baby, I can't wait until this is over.
Higgins: T.C., baby, it ain't over until it's over.

T.C.: Um, T.M., did you come up with this plan all by your lonesome?
Magnum: Yeah. What's the matter?
T.C.: I don't know. Well, I don't know yet. I just keep remembering the plan you had to get all the POW's out of Cambodia.
Magnum: T.C., there is no comparison between that plan and this one.
T.C.: I hope not. I don't need any more scars.

T.C.: Whoa! What's with this Abbott and Costello routine, 'You owe me 50, I'll loan you 10'? Forget it!
Magnum: Oh, okay! Thanks, I owe you one! [speeds off in the Ferrari]

T.C.: You expect me to hop over all 13 of these islands?
Magnum: That's the name of your service, isn't it? Island Hoppers.
T.C.: Yeah, I'm thinking about changing it to Magnum's Taxi Service!

Tyler: Got anything to drink?
Higgins: Certainly not. And I demand an explanation.
Tyler: Okay, General, just don't slug me, too.
Rick: Go ahead, Higgins, belt him if you want.

[A kid drops off Higgins' resignation and the car]
Magnum: Did he tip you?
Kid: $20.
Rick: That's not Higgins, Thomas.

[Alice asks Thomas about his days serving in the Navy]
Alice Cook: Why did you quit, Tom?
Magnum: It was nothing earth-shattering. One day I woke up age 33, and realized I'd never been 23.

[Higgins finds camera lens cap... without camera or lens]
Higgins: Oh my god. Where is it?
Magnum: [acting innocent] Where's what?
Higgins: The 110mm lens this cap should be covering.
Magnum: Higgins, I can explain.
Higgins: I am utterly sick and tried of those four pathetic words "Higgins I can explain".