Life on Mars quotes
179 total quotes[Bursting in on Stephen Warren, who is performing an act of oral sex on another man]
Gene Hunt: I'm not a Catholic me'self Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about "Thou shalt not suck off rent boys"?
Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene Hunt: You could have said that to the boy.
Gene Hunt: I'm not a Catholic me'self Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about "Thou shalt not suck off rent boys"?
Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene Hunt: You could have said that to the boy.
[credits introduction to every episode apart from episode 1]
Sam Tyler: My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
Sam Tyler: My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
[Gene and Sam need to get a pub landlord out of the way so that they can go undercover]
Gene Hunt: Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms.
Ray Carling: What for?
Gene Hunt: Think of something on the way.
[Later]
Gene Hunt: In a bizarre twist of fate, the landlord was arrested this afternoon... on suspicion of cattle rustling.
[Ray takes a bow and receives a round of applause]
Gene Hunt: Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms.
Ray Carling: What for?
Gene Hunt: Think of something on the way.
[Later]
Gene Hunt: In a bizarre twist of fate, the landlord was arrested this afternoon... on suspicion of cattle rustling.
[Ray takes a bow and receives a round of applause]
[Gene has locked Sam in the boot of his car after Sam has investigated alleged corruption charges against Gene's mentor]
Gene Hunt: The rules go like this; you're my officer, you do as I say!
Sam Tyler: I was following my instincts...
Gene Hunt: Well, I should charge your instincts with wasting police time!
Gene Hunt: The rules go like this; you're my officer, you do as I say!
Sam Tyler: I was following my instincts...
Gene Hunt: Well, I should charge your instincts with wasting police time!
[Gene Hunt violently pushes a table aside]
Gene Hunt: I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play, eh, hopscotch or pin the tail on a donkey. You pick, Dora.
Dora Keens: I want a lawyer.
Gene Hunt: I wanna hump Britt Eklund, what are we gonna do?
Gene Hunt: I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play, eh, hopscotch or pin the tail on a donkey. You pick, Dora.
Dora Keens: I want a lawyer.
Gene Hunt: I wanna hump Britt Eklund, what are we gonna do?
[Gene is looking at a poster for The Good, The Bad And The Ugly]
Sam Tyler: Which one are you?
Gene Hunt: All three.
Sam Tyler: Which one are you?
Gene Hunt: All three.
[Having pulled in a suspect in the kidnapping]
Gene Hunt: Where you stashed 'em, Mitchey boy!?
Mitch Bathurst: Up my arse, copper!
Gene Hunt: Do you wanna us to check!?
Gene Hunt: Where you stashed 'em, Mitchey boy!?
Mitch Bathurst: Up my arse, copper!
Gene Hunt: Do you wanna us to check!?
[just caught by DCI Hunt]
Billy Kemble: Oh, bollocks.
Gene Hunt: My thoughts exactly. [knees Kemble in aforementioned spot]
Billy Kemble: Oh, bollocks.
Gene Hunt: My thoughts exactly. [knees Kemble in aforementioned spot]
[Last lines of the first series]
Ray Carling: So, what do you want to do now, Guv?
Gene Hunt: [thinks for a moment] Pub!
Ray Carling: [smirks] Pub.
Chris Skelton: [grins] Pub.
Sam Tyler: [looks at the other three men in turn, slowly smiles] Pub.
[All get in car and drive off]
Series 2
Ray Carling: So, what do you want to do now, Guv?
Gene Hunt: [thinks for a moment] Pub!
Ray Carling: [smirks] Pub.
Chris Skelton: [grins] Pub.
Sam Tyler: [looks at the other three men in turn, slowly smiles] Pub.
[All get in car and drive off]
Series 2
[Open University is on TV, presenter's geometry-exercising turns into medical diagnostics from 2006.]
Sam: [alerted and denying he'd be in a deep coma] Wait! I'm in BUPA! Get me out of here!
Sam: [alerted and denying he'd be in a deep coma] Wait! I'm in BUPA! Get me out of here!
[Ordering the hunt for a murderer]
Gene Hunt: This is my city. And it will be a safe place for my wife and my mum to walk around in. Is that understood?
Detectives: Yes, guv.
Gene Hunt: [Sternly] Right. Find out who the dead woman was, find out who killed her. Do it now.
[He checks his watch]
Gene Hunt: Hold up, hold up. Do it tomorrow morning, first thing. [Brightly] Beer o'clock, gentlemen.
Gene Hunt: This is my city. And it will be a safe place for my wife and my mum to walk around in. Is that understood?
Detectives: Yes, guv.
Gene Hunt: [Sternly] Right. Find out who the dead woman was, find out who killed her. Do it now.
[He checks his watch]
Gene Hunt: Hold up, hold up. Do it tomorrow morning, first thing. [Brightly] Beer o'clock, gentlemen.
[Preparing guns before the shoot-out]
Ray Carling: Yeah, but can you hit anything?
Sam Tyler: You should see my Playstation scores.
Ray Carling: Yeah, but can you hit anything?
Sam Tyler: You should see my Playstation scores.
[Ray walks into shot, wearing a Manchester United scarf and freezes once he sees Sam and Gene]
Sam Tyler: I thought he had flu?
Gene Hunt: Sergeant!
[Ray makes a run for it]
Gene Hunt: [chasing] Come back 'ere you skiving little git!
Sam Tyler: I thought he had flu?
Gene Hunt: Sergeant!
[Ray makes a run for it]
Gene Hunt: [chasing] Come back 'ere you skiving little git!
[Reading a title of a pornographic film]
Gene Hunt: Once Upon A Time In Her Vest? [disgusted] You dare to pollute the glorious genre of the American Western?
Gene Hunt: Once Upon A Time In Her Vest? [disgusted] You dare to pollute the glorious genre of the American Western?
[Regarding Gene Hunt]
Superintendent Harry Wolfe: You're a lucky man, Tyler. You've got the best here.
Sam Tyler: [Heavy sarcasm] I weep with happiness every morning, sir.
Superintendent Harry Wolfe: You're a lucky man, Tyler. You've got the best here.
Sam Tyler: [Heavy sarcasm] I weep with happiness every morning, sir.