Sam: [sees Delinda smiling as she walks by] You had sex, didn't you?
Delinda: Excuse me?
Sam: Who did you have sex with, hooker?
Delinda: Okay, I had sex, but with no one you know.
Sam: Really? I know quite a few people in this town. Try me.
Delinda: Well, he doesn't even live here. He travels a lot. He's a professional bowler.
Sam: [disbelieving] You had sex with a bowler?
Delinda: [nods but realizes she's had] Never. I had sex with Danny.
Sam: Danny?
Delinda: Yeah.
Sam: I don't know if that's cool or not. What about Mary?
Delinda: Look, it's nothing. Anyway, Mary and Danny are over. Ask Danny.

Sam: Delinda, listen to me: no one listens to advice. They think they do, but they don't. So it doesn't matter what I say. You're going to do what you want in the end and that's okay.
Delinda Deline: Fine. I'll go ask Mary then.
Sam: Perfect.
Delinda: What?
Sam: What do you mean, what? You know! When you decided to start sleeping with Danny again, did you tell Mary?
Delinda: Of course not!
Sam: Why?
Delinda: Because they've been over for more than a year!
Sam: And?!
Delinda: Because it might hurt her feelings!
Sam: And did you tell Derek?
Delinda: Of course, I tell him everything!
Sam: Delinda, listen to me, before you marry this guy, or don't marry him, and especially before you walk around asking everybody a bunch of girly questions, you need to make sure that your ducks are in a row.
Delinda: So you think I should tell Mary about Danny?
Sam: Everything always comes out eventually and she needs to hear it from you before she hears it from somebody else.
Delinda: You don't think she still loves Danny, do you?
Sam: What?! The sun always rises in the east, you always get hungry a half hour after you eat Chinese food, and Mary Connell will always love Danny McCoy.

Sam: Dr. Paul's love movement is a scary cult.
Delinda: He makes more money than Kabbalah and Scientology combined.
Sam: Cult! He's got one of my whales convinced that if I throw a flower in front of each of the doors on his floor that love will come to him.
Delinda: [smells flower] They are beautiful.
Sam: You're so easy.
Delinda: You're so bitter.

Sam: Either this guy is the nicest multi-millionaire I've ever met, or he's completely screwing with me.

Sam: I can't believe we don't have dates. I mean, look at us. We're hot. I know, I know, I'm hotter than you because I'm the whole package, but still. You should be able to dig up and old ho with that whole pretty boy thing you've got going on.
Danny: [sarcastically] Thank you.
Sam: Good luck with that.
Danny: Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Sam: Men are pigs. Those two are oinkers.