Danny McCoy: [Voiceover] Never sleep with the boss's daughter. Especially if the boss is Ed Deline, former head of CIA Counter Intelligence and the greatest security man Vegas has ever seen.

Ed Deline: Danny, welcome to the family.
Danny: Excuse me, what?
Ed: If I catch you looking at another girl, take a poison pill, because I'll kill ya.

Mike Cannon: Hey, don't forget: barbecue at my house tomorrow night. I've got some great new gadgets I've been working on.
Danny: You're not going to rewire my car and set it on fire again, are you?
Mike: That really hurts, Danny. You had a short, okay? That was an accident!

Ed: Trudy and I were wondering what your intentions might be.
Delinda Deline: My intentions, Daddy?
Ed: Well, you know, Danny --
Delinda: I thought I'd have as much sex with him and his cute little butt as possible, then when I get bored, dump him.
Ed: That's cute. That's really funny.

Sam Marquez: If he pinches my ass I'll deck him.
Ed Deline: No you won't.

Ed Deline: She dumped you.
Danny McCoy: Like yesterday's newspaper.

Mike Cannon: When I start dating a girl, you know what I do?
Danny: What do you do?
Mike: Whatever she wants. Sunrise hike in the mountains? Sounds good! Antique shopping? Let's go! I establish rapport.
Danny: It sounds like guy code for ass kiss to me.

Ed: Cominski. Cominski, Marie. Shoplifting, conviction. Check forgery, conviction. Mail fraud. Now you add to this misappropriation.
Sam Marquez: Stealing from your husband.
Ed: Who you adore. Or I can make your life miserable.
Sam: He will.
Ed: Very miserable.

Sam Marquez: Do you really think you should have your feet up on Big Ed's desk?
Danny McCoy: Big Ed's probably at a luau right now patting down Don Ho, but don't you worry, ladies. Big Danny's here.
Nessa Holt: Oh, my God. The boss isn't gone five minutes, he's already gone mad!

Sam: Either this guy is the nicest multi-millionaire I've ever met, or he's completely screwing with me.

Danny McCoy: The tint is off. The thickness is way off. Look at this thing!
Ed Deline: I'm your father. I work in a casino. You took chips that look like they were made by a zoo animal. How do you suppose that makes me look? A: good. B: not so good.
Delinda Deline: Well I'm sorry. You never invited me to take your daughter to work day.
Ed: You were busy gallivanting all over Europe!
Delinda: Well you wanted me to get an education.
Ed: Exactly. So that you could be taken by some two bit hustler in the ladies lounge of my casino. Money well spent, I'd say.

Mary Connell: Did you get them back?
Sam: The front desk is going to let them freak out for a few minutes and then blame it on the computer.
Mary: You're bad!
Sam: I know!

Sam Marquez: What is wrong with these rich college kids? What, is there some kind of jackass gene that kicks in?
Danny McCoy: Yeah, there is.

Nessa Holt: Can I ask you a question?
Delinda Deline: [sighs] Yes, I've done it with a girl, but only once. Okay, twice.
Nessa Holt: No! That's too much information!

Delinda Deline: Sam. Have you seen Seth? I'm really worried about him.
Sam Marquez: Delinda, he's an adult.
Delinda Deline: He shows up this sweet, unspoiled country boy and now I've turned him into some sort of --
Sam Marquez: American?
Delinda Deline: Oh, God.
Sam Marquez: Yeah. Listen, there's this thing. I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not. It's called personal responsibility.
Delinda Deline: Yeah, but he's overdoing it. And it's all my fault.
Sam Marquez: Good. Everyone overdoes it. That's why we're here.
Delinda Deline: Yeah, but he's picking up slutty girls.
Sam Marquez: That's excellent, actually. He wears the Boy George hats, but he's not gay.
Delinda Deline: And he's drinking like a fish.
Sam Marquez: Helps kill the slutty girl germs.