Bob Marquez: Hey, sis!
Sam Marquez: Hey sis. Who are you, Greg Brady? Who says things like that?

Bob Marquez: She touches me, Sam, to the soul and beyond.
Sam Marquez: I'm going to slap you.
Bob Marquez: We're soulmates, and I'm thinking she's going to be part of our family one day.
Sam Marquez: I'm going to go throw up.

Chips: [on the phone] What did you just say to me?
Ed: I said no. Listen to me, you scumbag. The deal was the money for my daughter. Now if you had just given her back all of this crap would be over. Now it's my show and I'm not letting you leave. [hangs up]
Delinda: Sucks to be you.

Danny McCoy: [kissing Delinda] Do you realize how great this is?
Delinda Deline: What? The sex?
Danny: The whole thing: sex, we like to hang out together, we make each other laugh.
Delinda: You going to waste time talking about feelings or you want to get busy?

Danny McCoy: [Voiceover] Never sleep with the boss's daughter. Especially if the boss is Ed Deline, former head of CIA Counter Intelligence and the greatest security man Vegas has ever seen.

Danny McCoy: Everybody knows! You saw the way they were looking at us in there.
Delinda Deline: Who cares who knows?
Danny: While your dad's away, I'm in charge. I'm supposed to be setting an example here.
Delinda: The whole thing's a joke, Danny. People should just behave or we wouldn't need stupid seminars. [grabs his butt]
Danny: Are you into the whole group sex thing, now?
Delinda: No, not for years. It's just that guy Myles was such a dweeb, I just wanted to see him squirm a little.
Danny: What do you think we should do about this whole employee fraternization thing?
Delinda: Here's what we should do. [kisses him] You're my boyfriend and I don't care who knows it.
Danny: Want to meet upstairs in fifteen minutes?
Delinda: Make it ten.
Danny: Okay.

Danny McCoy: Have a seat.
Delinda Deline: Shouldn't I be handcuffed?
Danny McCoy: No. I'm just going to ask you a few questions.
Delinda Deline: Yes, you are the best sex ever. Have you ever done it in here?
Danny McCoy: No. No, I haven't.
Delinda Deline: I bet you have, and you probably invited a few people to watch. I'd try that. I bet it would be fun.
Danny McCoy: You know, you're the second person I've run into today that thought that.
Delinda Deline: So, you want to?
Danny McCoy: No! I'm trying to conduct an interview here, Delinda, so just --
Delinda Deline: Okay! I'm sorry!
Danny McCoy: Be professional. So, did you notice anything unusual at the video shoot?
Delinda Deline: I'm not wearing any panties.

Danny McCoy: Sam, you heard of Sexiest Bachelors of Vegas calendar?
Sam Marquez: Yeah, of course.Everyone has. Roberto, my colorist,he has it up on the wall in his salon, and all the boys make bets on who they can get to bite the pillow first.
Mike Cannon: You're kidding?
Sam Marquez: No, he does pretty well for himself,actually.Last year, he nailed Mr. July, Mr. December....
Danny McCoy: So this is a- a gay calendar?
Sam Marquez: Yeah, it's the gayest.Why?
Mike Cannon: No reason.
Sam Marquez: You guys posed for the calendar?
Mike Cannon: Huh? No. You kidding?
Sam Marquez: She got you with the puppies?
Danny McCoy: They were so cute.
Mike Cannon: Danny...Danny...
Sam Marquez: What is it with boys and dogs...When does that come out?
Mike Cannon: We don't know what you're talking about.
Sam Marquez: Oh. You know what? I have to go.I don't have time for this.I have to go, uh, tell everybody. Heeehaaa!! [Sam laughs and runs away.]
Danny and Mike: Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam!
Mike Cannon: This is very, very, very bad.
Danny McCoy: This is worse than bad.

Danny McCoy: The tint is off. The thickness is way off. Look at this thing!
Ed Deline: I'm your father. I work in a casino. You took chips that look like they were made by a zoo animal. How do you suppose that makes me look? A: good. B: not so good.
Delinda Deline: Well I'm sorry. You never invited me to take your daughter to work day.
Ed: You were busy gallivanting all over Europe!
Delinda: Well you wanted me to get an education.
Ed: Exactly. So that you could be taken by some two bit hustler in the ladies lounge of my casino. Money well spent, I'd say.

Danny: What's this? You and Shannon? You learned nothing from that seminar?
Mike Cannon: The pot calling kettle. Who's talking?
Danny: Mine is a preexisting condition!

Danny: You okay?
Delinda: Yeah. It's just been a wild last few days.
Danny: Yeah, it has.
Delinda: Mary's pissed at me.
Danny: Me too.
Delinda: Now what?
Danny: Let's see what happens.
Delinda: What if I screw it up again?
Danny: I won't let that happen.

Delinda Deline: [trips] Ouch!
Ed Deline: Honey, are you okay?
Delinda Deline: Ow! My shoe!
Mary Connell: Aren't those the shoes you got at the sale where Monica...
Delinda Deline: Yes. I'm still breaking them in, I guess.
Ed Deline: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. You bought those shoes where she died?
Delinda Deline: They were on sale.

Delinda Deline: Did you hear about Monica?
Sam Marquez: No, what?
Delinda Deline: Flew off the roof last night, landed over at the Wynn. Crashed right into the Manolo Blahnik one day sample sale.
Sam Marquez: You're kidding! That was yesterday?
Delinda Deline: Check them out. [Shows Sam her black sandal pumps] Aren't they delicious?
Sam Marquez: They're fabulous!

Delinda Deline: Did you know I was a magician's assistance once?
Sam Marquez: Why does that not surprise me?
Delinda Deline: The Amazing Roger. He was super cute. I actually learned a few tricks myself.
Mike Cannon: Really? Like what?
Delinda Deline: Once we were driving home from a show, and I put my hand on his thigh and he turned into a motel.

Delinda Deline: Do you know what it's like to have Big Ed Deline breathing down your neck every second of the day?
Danny McCoy: Well, yeah.
Delinda: That's right. I forgot. He did catch us in bed. It was fun. We should do it again sometime.