Mary Connell: Why didn't you have the decency to tell me?
Delinda Deline: Now's not exactly the best time for us to chat.
Mary: [to the bartender] Take a walk.
Delinda: I thought you weren't talking to me.
Mary: Oh, I'm not talking to you. I'm yelling at you.
Delinda: You know what? I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you. Danny wanted to marry you. You gave him his ring back. It's over! You don't have dibs on him anymore, so get over it!
Mary: Poor Derek. He never even saw it coming.
Delinda: Well maybe poor Derek and poor Mary should get together and trade sob stories.
Mary: You'd like that, wouldn't you? I swear, you are just pathological.
Delinda: Now you're talking out of your ass.

Mary: [runs up, frantic] Hey, hey. Have you guys seen Danny?
Sam: No. It's not my turn to watch him.
Delinda: [watches as Mary runs away in search of Danny] She gets weirder every day.

Mary: So you gave up on Bon Jovi, huh?
Delinda: He's more interested in John Elway.
Mary: You do realize he's a happily married man.
Delinda: I know. I was just hoping he'd write a song about me. You know, like Leila, and Angie, and Michelle. Delinda.
Mary: Do you really have a genius I.Q.?
Delinda: [nods] Mhmm.
Mary: That is truly frightening.
Delinda: Well, it's not like I work with nuclear weapons or anything. Although I do like to blow things up.
Season 3

Mike Cannon: Delinda, do you see this guy I've been watching at the bar. Mr. McKeen. He and his wife are perfectly compatible.
Delinda: And look how happy they are.
Mike: That's not his wife!

Mike Cannon: Hey, don't forget: barbecue at my house tomorrow night. I've got some great new gadgets I've been working on.
Danny: You're not going to rewire my car and set it on fire again, are you?
Mike: That really hurts, Danny. You had a short, okay? That was an accident!

Mike Cannon: That reverse psychology stuff, that's cheating, Sam.
Sam Marquez: Uh-huh. If you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin', Mike.
Mike Cannon: Damn.

Mike Cannon: When I start dating a girl, you know what I do?
Danny: What do you do?
Mike: Whatever she wants. Sunrise hike in the mountains? Sounds good! Antique shopping? Let's go! I establish rapport.
Danny: It sounds like guy code for ass kiss to me.

Mike: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Check it out! Punch in camera eight on that cell. You got it? Looks like 555-0178. Find out who's number that is.
Delinda: What's going on? She diss you? You've got to learn to take no for an answer.
Mitch: That's a pay phone.
Mike: Okay. I've been here before, remember? All we've got to do is tap into the pay phone's records. Find out what number called it at 3:48 p.m. today.
Mitch: That's illegal, Mike. You can't access a public phone's records. Okay. [points at screen] She stole Ed's Aston Martin.
Delinda: Daddy's car?!
Mike: Yes.
Delinda: You're dead.
Mike: I know.
Delinda: Good luck!

Monica Mancuso: [Looking at Mary and Sam's revealing tops] I'm sorry, did we open a Hooters?
Sam Marquez: [Motioning to Monica's chest] If we did, you're in trouble.

Monica Mancuso: So, Mike --
Mike Cooper: Yes?
Monica: What sort of impression do I make?
Mike: Come again?
Monica: If we were at a bar and you hadn't seen me before.
Mike: Oh! Can I speak candidly?
Monica: I insist you speak candidly.
Mike: I think you are a hot piece of ass.
Monica: Good answer.

Monica Mancuso: Who is she?
Danny McCoy: Who is who?
Monica: Come on. You wore the same suit yesterday. You have that pathetic, puppy dog grin on your face. My guess, some woman's got you by the 'nads. My advice: cut her loose. Women cannot be trusted.
Danny: Okay.
Monica: Hello? I know what I'm talking about.

Monica Mancuso: You know, Danny, I haven't seen Samantha Marquez here.
Danny McCoy: That's because she's not here.
Monica: She seems to have disappeared with all her clients, which I don't have to tell you means millions of dollars to the Montecito's bottom line. I need those clients here on opening night.
Danny: Nobody has seen or heard from Sam since she left.
Monica: Well, given your impressive background, I don't think you're going to have too much trouble tracking her down.
Danny: Well you don't know Sam. If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be.
Monica: What is she, all of four foot nothing? Find her!
Danny: Even if I did find her, what if she doesn't want to come back?
Monica: Then I'll poach her clients.

Monica: Come on, show some cleavage. It's a casino, not a convent.

Mr. Chips: I have no intention of killing you.
Ed Deline: That's funny, because I have every intention of killing you.
Mr. Chips: I do, however, have no problem at all killing your daughter.

Nessa Holt: Can I ask you a question?
Delinda Deline: [sighs] Yes, I've done it with a girl, but only once. Okay, twice.
Nessa Holt: No! That's too much information!