Chuck: You're lying.
Blair: I am not.
Chuck: Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth.
Blair: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software while I was away?

Dan: I was just thinking about... this morning... on the bus ...
Serena: Yeah, we didn't exactly stick to the plan, did we?

Dan: I've tried not to think about her all summer. I was afraid that if I did, that ... I'd see that I made a huge mistake.
Rufus: Well, you've been running all summer. Maybe it's time you turned around and faced it.

Eric: [to Chuck] Yeah... 'How Well Do You Know Blair Waldorf' is a little boring to those of us who actually know Blair Waldorf.

Gossip Girl: Cheers to that, Blair. Nothing says welcome home like a bottle of bubbly... or a scandal bubbling.

Gossip Girl: Spotted, Chuck Bass putting his new BFF on speed dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bro-mance? Or the end of Blair's bid to be British?

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass waiting for the Jitney. A dozen roses in one hand, his heart in the other. You know what they say: A man is a good thing to come home for. But an even better thing to come home with. Ain't karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena and Nate in a massive display of PDA... and that's exactly what Dan Humphrey is. Pretty. Damn. Angry.

Gossip Girl: Unlike the rest of us, sex lies and scandal never take a vacation. Instead, they take the Long Island Expressway and head east - to the Hamptons! Some of us would say summer is the busiest season. Think Park Avenue, but with Tennis whites, and Band de Soleil. The players change, but the game remains the same.

Gossip Girl: What's this? Chuck's date and Blair's date are mother and son? And Nate and Blair are exes? And Nate and the mother are in a book club? Now there's a novel plot twist.

Marcus: No one's ever good enough. I've dated a lot of top-flight girls and she always sends them running. She gets inside their heads, figures out their worst fears and then ...
Chuck: ... ruthlessly exploits that fear. Sounds rough.

Nate: No offense, but don't you think you're a little outmatched?
Chuck: At squash? I've been playing my father since 8th grade, how good can Marcus be?
Nate: No, I mean as a guy. Blair wants to be a princess and your greatest achievement is owning part of a burlesque club.
Chuck: Which is why I have to get to know him. No one is that perfect. Once I get him outta the way, I'll have a clear shot with Blair.
Nate: You know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.
Chuck: I think you're jealous of my new best friend!
Nate: Well I have been hoping someone else would tag in for awhile.

Serena: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all about revenge on Chuck?
Blair: Revenge is so 12 hours ago! And just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a delicious dish in his own right!

Serena: Blair Waldorf, a fling? You're not exactly low maintenance.

Serena: Blair will never forgive you for what you did to her.
Chuck: Who told you that little piece of advice, your boyfriend Nate?
Serena: Nate didn't say anything ...
Chuck: Good. I don't think it's wise taking relationship advice from someone in a FAKE relationship. Call me crazy. [pause] Enjoy another night alone with your thoughts.
Serena: Good luck on your suicide mission!