Puck: Thanks for the offer but I'd rather raw dog a beehive.

Puck: They called Paul Stanley 'The Starchild' because he was romantic or something but that doesn't really explain my whore lips.

Puck: This is what we call taking the high road, which I was shocked to find out has nothing to do with marijuana

Puck: Wait, where's Rachel? I mean, I only noticed because, like, five minutes have gone by without her saying something totally obnoxious.
Mercedes: Rachel got some intense news yesterday.
Quinn: We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline when-
Will: Guys! It's not right to spy...but what did you find out?
Mercedes: Okay, y'all ready? Ms. Corcoran, the Vocal Adrenaline coach... she's Rachel's mom.
Will: Are you serious?
Puck: We're screwed. Rachel's going to jump ship for Vocal Adrenaline.
(Rachel walks in)

Puck: We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.
Kurt: Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!
Santana: [scoffs] That sounds like torture.
Puck: I want actual ideas, Kurt.
Mike: Footloose marathon. Footloose, Footloose 2011.
Mercedes: What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?
Puck: It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.
Brittany: It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth. [Tina and Quinn smile and giggle.]
Rachel: [begins to cry] Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding you were going to when you got in your car crash. And you were answering my text message and now we're all sitting here, we're talking about this day that's suppose to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives. And we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair. [shakes her head] It's not right. It's not right and it shouldn't be like this.
Quinn: Well, maybe not, but this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause by the way, doesn't define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not going to dwell on this and neither should any of you. Okay? [to Rachel] Come here.
[Rachel stands up and approaches Quinn.]

Puck: What's a mash-up?
Mr. Schue: A mash-up is when you take two songs and mash them together to create an even richer explosion of musical expression.

Puck: While Jackie Daniels is a great name for like a power boat or something, it's not right for a baby girl.

Puck: You told him what we were gonna do. You're like a modern day Eggs Benedict.

Puck: You two show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night around 7 and if we don't find hotter chicks to date, we might show up.
Santana: You are so cool.

Puck: You won't listen to me, You won't listen to Finn
Kurt: But she will listen to Barbra Streisand. Thanks Puck, I'll take it from here, but only I can lead this Barbra-vention.
Rachel: Is she here?
Kurt: Of course not, this is a mall in Ohio.

Puck: You're wrong. It's a really good name. It's a rockstar name.
Quinn: You wanna name our daughter Jack Daniels? She's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine ... whatever. Jackie Danielle.

Quinn: [about Coach Beiste] Look, I get it. She's in a position of power over you -- which can be exciting -- and you clearly like women who give you a hard time.

Quinn: [hanging up posters]
Lauren: [watching Quinn] There's our future queen, a size two teenage dream.
Puck: You know what? We're going to change that.
Lauren: How?
Puck: Baby, you're gonna get that crown. And I'm gonna be your king.
At the doctor's office:

Quinn: [playing on the piano then stops when she sees Rachel] You're late.
Rachel: We're friends, right?
Quinn: Yeah, I guess so.
Rachel: I mean with everything that happened last year? You gave your baby to my mom. We kind of bonded over that.
Quinn: What's your point?
Rachel: My point is I know we haven't spent a lot of time together this year, but I thought we were close enough that we could be honest with each other.
Quinn: Go ahead, ask me.
Rachel: Fine. Are you and Finn together?
Quinn: Yes. It's been a couple of weeks. It's like Groundhog's Day with you, Rachel. How many times do you have to make the same mistake to realize it's not going to work out?
Rachel: Well, thank you for being honest with me, Quinn, and I'm happy for you and Finn, but don't go and try to rewrite history. It was real between us. He chose me over you.
Quinn: And how long did that last for?
Rachel: Why are you being so mean?
Quinn: [walks towards Rachel] Do you want to know how the story plays out? I get Finn, you get heartbroken, and then Finn and I stay here and start a family. I'll become a successful real estate agent and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop. [voice starts breaking] You don't belong here, Rachel. And you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way.
Rachel: I'm not giving up on Finn. It's not over between us.
Quinn: YES IT IS! You're so frustrating! And that is why you can't write a good song, because you live in this little school girl fantasy of life. Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending, you are never going to get it right. So we're done with that and why don't we just return to our work?

Quinn: [to Puck, while giving birth] It's never coming out! Shut up! Ugh! You suck! You suck! You suck! You suck!