Stan: Well calm down. It's not prom night.
Watley:Yeah, cause I'm not... getting... raped.

Stan: What about the World Court?
Taqu'il: C'mon, man, the Hague is a fucking joke.
Stan: Good point.

Stan: What are "whammies"?

Taqu'il: Oh God I love Chinatown.
Torpedo Vegas: Ah tonights death rabbit boughts have been cancelled.
Drycleaner: What the hell damn guy!
Taqu'il: Oh man I hate Chinatown.

Taqu'il: Cameraman, cameraman, can you push in on this? It says "Welcome to you-apostraphe-r-e doom"?
Verl: And he's got "doom" in quotes, which it shouldn't be.
Mitzi: Oh I just hate it when people do that. I just want to throw acid in their face.

Taqu'il: He's a one-hit wonder: global warming.
Killface: Cured it. (Baby Lamont chirps)
Taqu'il: Shut up, Baby Lamont.
Killface: Hey, bro!
Taqu'il: His foreign policy is unrealistic...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: His domestic policy is non-existent...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Health care...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Immigration...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Welfare reform...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Man, do you even know what these terms mean?
Killface: I...know that I cured global warming.
Taqu'il: See? He's a one-trick pony.
Killface: Well, it's a pretty big pony.

Taqu'il: Man, this launch panel is just a breeder reactor wired to the ignition of a '98 Celica. Stan, I can hot-wire this.
Stan: Um, we may have a larger problem. (Killface and Xander are holding him at gunpoint)
Killface: Yes, I'm afraid you do.

Taqu'il: We can win this election.
Killface: How? Giving out free bus rides?
Dottie: Well, who wants to ride in some crappy old bus with no windows? [Baby Lamont happily chirps] Oh, you just like trips.

Torpedo Vegas: He's like a kid in a candy shop, and that candy is... success. And I'm that friendly man at this cash register with a handle bar mustache *chuckles*
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?
Killface: I think I'm missing the key reference.
Torpedo Vegas: I can't have people sneaking in here leaking dooky water on my rugs. That's unacceptable.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: I HAVE PATTY HEARST SYNDROME!
Killface: Barnaby just-
Torpedo Vegas: I'm getting furious at you, you don't even have any pants on.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Neither does he!
Torpedo Vegas: Well he doesn't have a penis! As far as I can tell...
Killface: I - uh -
Xander Crews / Barnaby Jones: Yeah, what is the story on that?
Killface: Oh, like you can talk.
Xander Crews: Hey, my penis fills an entire tall-boy.
[Quick cut to Xander, as Awesome X, dancing in front of the X-ticles, naked except for a beercan covering his groin and shouting "Master Cylinder!" through a megaphone. Cut back to Torpedo Jones' lair]
Torpedo Jones: [Scoffing] I'm sure it doesn't fill it.

Torpedo Vegas: I don't even have any coins you bitch!

Torpedo Vegas: Okay, I'll let you have the kid back if, and this is the part I kinda like, if you two fight to the death.
Killface: [Immediately] Done.
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: What?

Torpedo Vegas: So, why'd you two sneak into my lair?
Killface: I-
Xander Crews: He kidnapped me! I have Patty Hearst Syndrome!

Torpedo Vegas: Son, what can I say? This was a phenomenally great idea you had here. And your cut is... forty, thirty grand. Yeah, you can count it, if you wanna be a douchebag all your life.
Simon: What?
Torpedo Vegas: AHAHAHAHAHA! Naw, I'm kiddin'...don't worry about it.

Val: (seeing Wendell and Cody II escaping) Now what do we do?!
Deceptacle: Well, for starters, we're gonna need a bigger onesie.
Cliff: Like, fifty times I said that.

Val: Well, now what do we do?
Deceptacle: I don't know about you guys, but I'm not just gonna sit here while 600 pounds of crab meat goes bad!