Mark Ratner: See, I'm just a guy who likes math, you know, and somehow I got a beautiful girl like that to fall in love with me. I have to pinch myself sometimes. It's like I'm dreaming. Aw, forget it, Agent Carmichael. I mean, how can I expect a cool guy like you to understand?
Chuck: You know what, Mark? Sometimes the nerd gets the girl.

Mauser: You may have beat me, Agent Walker. But FULCRUM's won. I know that Chuck Bartowski's the Intersect.
Sarah: Chuck's secret is safe! And you're going straight to a CIA detention facility never to be seen or heard from again!
Mauser: You go right ahead, Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say "Good-bye" to Chuck. You see I'm not like those other FULCRUM agents. They'll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do, every FULCRUM agent we have will know Chuck's the Intersect. It's going to be the end of his pathetic existence. So take me in, Agent Walker, I'm ready to go.
[Pause. Sarah lowers her weapon. Long pause. Sarah shoots Mauser]

Morgan: Gentlemen, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.
[Jeff and Lester nod]
Morgan: The big man has made that dream a reality.
Lester: The man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.
Jeff: Until his old lady dumped him.
Morgan: We're screwed! I mean screwed now that he has nothing to live for except work.
Jeff: Yeah, but how do we get Mrs. Big Mike to take him back?
Lester: How do you mend a broken heart?
Emmett: You mean, how do we get him laid? I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion your only hope......
Morgan: Is to channel him back into sex. Brilliant, Emmett. But where do we find Big Mike a ridiculous, out of his league hottie?
Lester: Someone to suck his will to work out of him.
Jeff: Not at the Bennigan's Bar.
Lester: Sometimes the fruit hangs a little too low.
Emmett: Where do you meet people where you don't have to pay for sex?

Morgan: I want to make sure that she [Anna] loves me for me and not... other things.
Chuck:Are you crazy? What other things could she possibly be loving you for? I mean listen, buddy, you know that I love you, but you're lucky to have a girl in your life who loves you for you, even though you are in fact you. If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime.
Lester: Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Morgan: Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burnt into your brain?
Chuck: ...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Morgan: Uh, why on God's green Earth would he ever ever break up with Sarah?
Awesome: Ask Ellie, it was her idea.
Morgan: Really?
Ellie: What? He said that he didn't think she was the one.
Morgan: [Morgan sighs] There are a few precious things I know anything about in this world. Chuck's one of them. Believe me, Sarah's the one!
Ellie: How do you know?
Morgan: How do I know? It's all over the kid's face. When Chuck is around Sarah, he is the Chuck we always dreamed of, all right? The Chuck that has the potential to do anything in the world.

Ned: [talking about Casey] Hey, hey, I uh, feel terrible about shooting your friend's toe off.
Chuck: No, no, no, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.

Roan: [preparing Chuck to seduce an enemy agent] We need to talk about protection.
Chuck: I really don't think it's going to get that far, Roan.
Roan: I mean a gun. Do you know why she's called the "black widow?"
Chuck: Because she's African-American, and her husband died?

Roark: Put him on the helicopter. Kill his CIA agent.
Stephen: He's my son.
Roark: He's your son? Congratulations! That's great! I had no idea. ...Kill his son.
Stephen: I'll build anything you want, give FULCRUM their intersect. But my son walks away from here.
Vincent: You'll build it either way.
Stephen: You going to torture me? After 10 years away from my family, my son walks away!
Roark: Right, right. I'm not a monster. ...Maybe a little bit of a monster. Today's his lucky day. Shotgun on the chopper. Let's go.

Sarah: [about her father] Chuck, you're attributing good intentions to him because you're a good person.
Chuck: Well, he must've done something right: you turned out pretty good.

Sarah: [Chuck's stuck in the airvent] What are you doing up there?
Chuck: Help! [Falls to the floor]
Casey: Shh. It's the F.B.I, they're dumb, not deaf.
Chuck: Thanks.

Sarah: [Holding up Chuck's cellphone] I found this when I went to say goodbye to Chuck.
Alex: Which directly disobeyed an order. You were fired for exactly this reason!
Sarah: Then there's nothing stopping me from kicking your ass!

Sarah: Back off, Chuck! You have as much information as is pertinent to this assignment!
Chuck: So "Jenni" with an "i" or would that be-
[Sarah takes the pencil Chuck's holding]
Sarah: All Jenny's boyfriend needs to know is that Jenny hates questions about her past!
[Throws the pencil at a picture of Chuck and Sarah, embedding it in Chuck's picture]
Sarah: You got that?
Chuck I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

Sarah: Chuck Bartowski has risked his life for this country. But he's not a spy and he knows it!
General Beckman: He's a spy until I say he isn't!
Sarah: General, Chuck knows that Orion is out there and he is not going to sit in his room and do what we say. He...
Casey: What is it?
Sarah: Where's Chuck?
Casey: [Casey checks the tracking device] Watch has him in his room.
Sarah: No. This is Chuck we're talking about. He would've come up with some excuse to come in here and meet the General in person.
General Beckman: What?
Sarah: Check his room.
Casey: Walker's right. Chuck's a social butterfly by nature.

Sarah: Chuck, he knows you're the Intersect. We have to go into 24-hour protective detail until further notice.
Chuck: What exactly does that mean?
Sarah: It means we can't break up. And we have to move in together.
[Noticing Ellie, Awesome and Morgan]
Sarah: Well, Ellie's watching; we'd better sell it.
[They hug]
Chuck: Are you sure about this? I mean he's a really tough guy. Maybe he won't talk.
Sarah: Chuck, everyone talks.