Morgan: I get it, I know. You promised her you weren't gonna be a spy, you know? So she clearly cannot know about our little rogue spy team that we're gonna start here outside of the government, secret to the spy world, team of two, army of one, highway to the danger zone, live free or die hard...
Chuck: Buddy?
Morgan: Yeah.
Chuck: This is not the opening of a TV show. This is real life.

Morgan: I happen to be very good at the quick-look-at-your-phone-when-you-get-a-text-but-you-didn't know-I-looked look.

Morgan: I haven't seen this routine in a long time. We used to call this routine, 'The Routine'.
Sarah: That's very creative.
Morgan: Chuck had quite a reputation as a hacker. You know? They used to call him, The Piranha. Swordfish, right. The movie, is based on him. We don't talk about it cause he didn't think it was an A plus film.
Sarah: Well I thought it was petty good.
Morgan: Yeah it was okay. It's pothole and hacker scenes were just like...
Chuck: [Takes off headphones] Haha, someone coded the name into the telex script. The inside joke for anyone running viral counter measures. [Puts headphones back on]
Morgan: Piranha got into a coding session, he can get a bit...giddy.
Sarah: That's actually pretty cute.
Morgan: It's also super nerdy.
Sarah: It's definitely that too.

Morgan: I just want you to know that I'm really sorry about the ring.
Big Mike: Marriage isn't about a ring. It's a lifelong commitment of compassion and understanding. Especially for your spouse's idiot relations. All is forgiven.

Morgan: I talked to Captain Awesome.
Casey: And?
Morgan: If he'd have me, I'd let him.

Morgan: I thought we were past this. We're roomies. You've been training me hard. I've been in danger a ton of times. You love the Snack Packs I bring on missions. So why, suddenly, are you being this big jerk to me?
Casey: It's Alex. She's worried about you.
Morgan: Oh, wait, wait , wait. Okay, Okay. You're telling me you are being a jerk because you care?
Casey: Yeah. Fat load of good it's done me too. I promised Alex I'd keep you safe. There are times on every mission when things go sideways. That happens, I can't protect you... then I broken a promise to my daughter.
Morgan: I see your dilemma.
Casey: Yeah.
Morgan: Everything is gonna be fine, trust me. Nothing will go wrong. Why did I just say that?
Casey: Hmmmm.

Morgan: I want to make sure that she [Anna] loves me for me and not... other things.
Chuck:Are you crazy? What other things could she possibly be loving you for? I mean listen, buddy, you know that I love you, but you're lucky to have a girl in your life who loves you for you, even though you are in fact you. If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime.
Lester: Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Morgan: I'll let myself out.
Ellie: ...My four favorite words.

Morgan: If you ask me, this whole G man gig is starting to be a real snore. When are we going to hit on some terrorists?
Casey: Whatever you think you know about being a spy. You're wrong.
Morgan: Oww.
Casey: You're a child, your a liability to the team and you're not doing anything until you've been properly trained. Understood.
Morgan: Wait a minute, does that mean?
Casey: I don't believe I'm going to say this.
Morgan: I'm going to Langley.
Casey: Your not going anywhere. Jackass. I can teach you all you need to know right here in the store. C'mon.

Morgan: Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burnt into your brain?
Chuck: ...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Morgan: Let's cut the man some slack, he's got the world's fate resting in his hands.
Casey: Oh, I'd say he's got something else resting in his hands.
Morgan: What do you mean?
Casey: Chuck's off the grid with Walker. Do the math Grimes.
[Morgan stares blankly]
Casey: He's going to need a walker when Walker's through with him.
[Morgan still doesn't understand]
Casey: They're having intercourse you idiot.

Morgan: Please tell me that Chuck is joking about them sending me to boot camp. They're going to make me shave my beard.
Casey: Relax. You passed.
Morgan: Huh? I failed every test.
Casey: Yes flying colors. You have got to be the hands down, bar none the worst candidate I've ever trained. But you got one thing going for you. You got balls.
Morgan: I do?
Casey: How many marines do you know go up against a Bengal tiger unarmed? You have to be a complete idiot.
Morgan: Well that's the thing. That's uh, that's me in a nutshell..

Morgan: Pre-nup? Jeez, I thought things were going so well.
Chuck: It was, is.
Casey: She's just taking precautions. Half of all maarriages go down.
Chuck: Well, it's good to see yours is going so well.
Morgan: Hilarious. But you know what? It works. So you, spending a little money on the side. Gambling debts I don't know about?
Chuck: Of course not. You know me. I don't know why she'd do this.
Morgan: Look something's got your girl's dukes up, okay? Get the facts. [to Casey] Smaller bites please.
Casey: Don't henpeck! You overanalyze everything. Bartowski. You talk every issue to death. It's exhausting.
Morgan: It's exhausting just sitting here.
Chuck: Well. I really do that?
Casey: Spies have secrets. If you're gonna take it to the next level with Walker you have to understand that. Sign the papers. Be cool.
Morgan: Yeah Chuck, be cool.
Chuck: Be cool.

Morgan: So if Sarah is your handler, does that make her your beard? In other words, like.. Is your whole relationship a fake? Because, buddy, that's just awful.
Chuck: Why, because we never had sex?
Morgan: No, I just felt like, having to be... You never had sex with that girl? That's not... No, no, it's awful you had to pretend to be in a relationship with somebody you clearly love.
Chuck: Sarah and I are over, you know.
Morgan: No you're not. You're a good liar, Chuck, but you're not that good, all right? You lied to me for three years but I always knew. You loved that girl. I mean, I saw the way you looked at her. We all did. It's okay, you don't have to deny it. You tell me you don't love Sarah.
Chuck: You know what, you're right buddy! I do love Sarah. I kept telling myself that I didn't. That I wouldn't, I couldn't but I do.... Morgan , you have no idea how badly I needed to get this off my chest. Thank You.

Morgan: Stop the presses! Who is that!? Vicky Vale!
Chuck: Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Vale, Vickity Vickity, Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Va...
[sees Sarah]
Sarah: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Chuck: Uh no, not at all. That's from-it's from Batman.
Sarah: Because that makes it better?
Morgan: Ahh, Hi. Hey, I'm Morgan. And this is, uh, this is Chuck.
Sarah: Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or, uh, Morgan, for that matter.
Chuck: My parents were sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.
Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own.