Lester: OK. I admit it. I tried to poison you to keep you subordinate. What's the big deal?

Lester: This baby needs a performance, delivery room style. This baby needs...Jeffster!

Lester: Um, listen, we have a few questions regarding these Halloween decorations. Um, What are we allowed to show?
Morgan: What do you mean?
Jeff: I know a really good morgue that gives discounts on unclaimed merchandise. May-be we could sprickle some cold dead ones in here.
Morgan: Right, I'm gonna say no on the the dead bodies.
Jeff: So, what, I just lose my deposit?

Lester: Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this--I don't really--but Morgan is in, a, umm...a very bad place.
Anna: Oh, my God, is he okay?
Jeff: No. He's focused, responsible, driven. Pains me to see a man end up like that.
Lester: It's pathetic.

Lester: What was that about?
Chuck: I'm helping Ellie and Awesome find a band for their wedding.
Lester: Then this, sir, is your lucky day.
Jeff: We'll handle it from here.
Chuck: You're going to help me find a band?
Lester: No, you misunderstand. You found your band. It is WE. [points to himself and Jeff] We'll play your sister's big day.
Chuck: Wait-- Wait a minute, you guys have a band?
Jeff: Jeff...
Lester: ...Lester...
Jeff and Lester: JEFFSTER!!
Chuck: That seems very fitting.
Jeff: Originally, we were going to go with the name "Jester," but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.
Chuck: Obviously not.

Man: Is there a problem? [Chuck hides under desk]
Chuck: Can you tell me if the attractive, brown eyed, slightly egg headed brunette with an extremely cold heart is still here?
Man: She's here; why, who is she?
Chuck: Jill Roberts, my ex-girlfriend. She broke my heart. I need-I need a diversion; would-would it be a terrible imposition for you to pull the fire alarm?
Jill: Hi, I'm Dr Jill Roberts. Is there someone who can help me with the tech requirements for my lecture?
Man: Under the desk.

Mark Ratner: See, I'm just a guy who likes math, you know, and somehow I got a beautiful girl like that to fall in love with me. I have to pinch myself sometimes. It's like I'm dreaming. Aw, forget it, Agent Carmichael. I mean, how can I expect a cool guy like you to understand?
Chuck: You know what, Mark? Sometimes the nerd gets the girl.

Mary: [Sarah and Mary have their guns pointed at each other] You brought someone. I told you to come alone.
Chuck: No, no,no, no. Technically not just someone, my girlfriend - Sarah. Sarah this is my mom - Mary. I don't know how to say this exactly, but please don't kill each other.

Mary: [saving Chuck and Sarah from Volkoff's assassins] Come with me if you want to live.

Mary: [toasting Chuck and Sarah] Many of you might not know me, but i'm Chuck's and Ellie's mom. Truth be told.... I was gone for a long time. Now that I am back in their lives, I sometimes overcompensate. But lucky for me, my soon-to-be daughter-in-law is very forgiving. She's never heard me say it but Sarah is one of the strongest and one of the most amazing women that I have ever met. So I would like to propose this toast to her. Sarah, thank you for taking care of my Chuck. May you have many more adventures together, and may you always keep each other safe.

Mary: Charles is my son.
Volkoff: [pointing a gun at Chuck's head] Really?
Mary: Really.
Volkoff: [to Sarah] Really?
Sarah: Really.
Volkoff: [to Chuck] Really?
Chuck: Really!

Mary: We've had a our dinner, you met the family, we're leaving.
Volkoff: But what sort of potential father-in-law would I be if I didn't set an example. Chuck has to learn... you make a threat you have to follow through with it. [Volkoff cocks pistol] I didn't have to do that but I just really like the sound.
Mary: Alexei stop. [points her gun at Volkoff]
Volkoff: My love, what are you doing?
Mary: This is exactly why I didn't tell you about my family. You don't know how to love someone, you only know how to control them. But you should know that I could never love a man that could do anything to hurt my son. So drop it. [Volkoff lowers gun]
Mary: Alexei, you know I am loyal to you. But I will not return with you until you promise me that my family and their friends remain safe. And if they don't, I will end you.
Volkoff: You see. That is a real threat.[Volkoff walks away]
Mary: Chuck. I'm sorry for everything. I hope some day you will trust me.
Chuck: Mom... I already do.

Mauser: You may have beat me, Agent Walker. But FULCRUM's won. I know that Chuck Bartowski's the Intersect.
Sarah: Chuck's secret is safe! And you're going straight to a CIA detention facility never to be seen or heard from again!
Mauser: You go right ahead, Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say "Good-bye" to Chuck. You see I'm not like those other FULCRUM agents. They'll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do, every FULCRUM agent we have will know Chuck's the Intersect. It's going to be the end of his pathetic existence. So take me in, Agent Walker, I'm ready to go.
[Pause. Sarah lowers her weapon. Long pause. Sarah shoots Mauser]

Mei-Ling Cho: [preparing to rescue Mei-Ling's brother] Good, every warm body helps.
Chuck: I'm sorry, wha-me? No, no, no, no. Look as much as I wish that I could help you, I can't. I made plans with my sister. They are non-negotiable.
[everyone looks at him]
Chuck: But of course, I know that you wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me. I want to be with my sister and you obviously really want to be with your brother. We're like one big wacky transatlantic family.
[pause]
Chuck: I owe you. I'm in.
Sarah: Okay fine, but you don't leave the van under any circumstances.
Chuck: I just need to be home by eight. If that's at all possible.

Morgan: [about Carina] I cannot be alone with that woman. She wants me. Badly. John, she desires my physical person!
Casey: And I'm hunting unicorns.