Castle: Who was murdered, and was it gruesome?

Esposito: [To Beckett] A control freak like you with something you can't control? No, no, that's gonna be more fun than Shark Week.

Lanie: Getting a drink with me after work instead of getting your freak on with writer boy?
Beckett: What? He is annoying, self-centered, egotistical, and completely-
Lanie: Fun. And take it from me, girlfriend, you need some fun. I mean, how bad can he be?
Beckett: [answers phone] Beckett.
Castle: [excitedly] Guess who's got a date with a prostitute!

Martha: Nothing you say will change how we feel. What men don't understand is the right clothes, the right shoes, the right make up, it hides the flaws we think we have, and make us look beautiful to our selves, that's what makes us look beautiful to others.
Castle: Used to be all she needed to look beautiful was a pink tutu and a plastic tiara.
Martha: we spend our whole live trying to feel that way again.
Season 2

Police rep: Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...
Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?
Police rep: Your heirs, Mr. Castle, your heirs.

Richard Castle: [Season tagline] There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better.

Ryan: [pointing to inscription on Castle's book] From the library of Katherine Beckett.
Beckett: Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?
Esposito: Yo, check it, girl, you're totally a fan!
Beckett: Right. Of the genre.
Ryan: Right, the genre, that's why you're blushing.
Beckett: What are you, twelve?

Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"
Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...
Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...
Ryan: ...chud, turd...
Esposito: ...destro, scall...
Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...
Esposito: ...mope...
Ryan: ...sleestak...
Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."
Castle: Classic.

Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Esposito: "Roadkill?"
Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Esposito: Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.
Ryan: ...you know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.
Ryan: 54th and Lex.
Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

Sorenson: He's quite a guy. If only he knew how big a fan you really are.
Beckett: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?
Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?
Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.

[Beckett and Castle find the plastic surgeon's office; she and Castle walk past a well-endowed woman; Castle stares]
Beckett: Well, this must be the place. [clears throat] What is it with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.

[hiding behind a kitchen island while getting shot at]
Beckett: [to Castle] Stay down!
Castle: You stay down!
Beckett: I can't shoot him from down here.
Castle: Yeah, and he can't shoot you either!

[parked outside the home of a grandfather who killed his daughter's murderer]
Castle: You could just leave it like this. Sam's dead. The captain's happy. Those kids look pretty happy.
Beckett: That's the difference between a novel and the real world, Castle. A cop doesn't get to decide how the story ends.

[talking about a poker game]
Beckett: I'm gonna make you hurt.
Castle: Oh, you're gonna get hurt.
Beckett: What are we playing for?
Castle: Pride...or clothing.
Beckett: I think I have a bag of gummy bears in my desk...

[talking about a poker game]
Judge: [to Beckett] Do us a favor. Beat his pants off.
Castle: Yes, beat my pants off if you dare.