Beckett: You wanted to see me, sir?
Montgomery: Yeah. I just got a call from the mayor's office. Apparently, you have a fan.
Beckett: A fan, sir?
Montgomery: Rick Castle. Seems he's found the main character for his next set of novels: a tough but savvy female detective.
Beckett: ... I'm flattered?
Montgomery: Don't be. He says he has to do research.
Beckett: Oh no.
Montgomery: Oh yes.
Beckett: No way.
Montgomery: Beckett, listen.
Beckett: Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.
Montgomery: But he did help solve this case. And when the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy.
Beckett: How long, sir?
Montgomery: [motioning to his door] It's up to him.
[Beckett turns to find Castle standing in the doorway, smirking]

Castle: Reading the paper? You are going to lose all of your wired teen hyper texting nano gizmo street cred.
Alexis: I'm a rebel. I kick it old school.

Castle: [after a fistfight] I tried to stay in the car. I really did!

Castle: [after getting pinched on the ear by Beckett because he was listening to her phonecall] Next time, put it on speakerphone.

Castle: [describing his character based on Beckett] She's going to be really smart, very savvy, haunting good looks, really good at her job...and kinda slutty.

Castle: [his murder theory] You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara. She's young, beautiful, the kind of girl that a guy like him would never have a chance with. We all know girls like that don't we? Well, at first, it's just a game. Figure out her schedule. When does she do her laundry? When is she alone? Until it becomes something more, something that he can't control. Well, he uses the stairs, obviously, to avoid the elevator's cameras. And then he just waits, concealed in the shadows. When she comes into that laundry room, he pounces. When he looked into her vacant, lifeless eyes, he wanted to tell her he never meant to kill her. All he ever wanted was to be noticed. That's when he felt the heat of that dryer on his skin. So he picks up her limp body in his arms and gently places it inside. He almost smiled at his good fortune when he found the quarter in his pocket, slipping it into the slot. Buying him the time to do what he does best... disappear.
[pauses, then continues] Just saying, better story. Coffee?

Castle: [In order to get Brandon to admit to his crime] If only Max had been strong enough just to man up... If only Donny realized he didn't belong with you guys anymore, he and Amanda were through, well, then none of this would have been necessary. (Lowered voice) Weak people just don't get it, do they, Brandon? Sometimes they just have to be led to the truth.
Brandon: (Whispers) Exactly. [Unknowingly admitting to his crime]
Castle: [Smiling at Beckett] Did he just say "exactly"?

Castle: [Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.
Beckett: What do you mean?
Castle: You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.
Ryan: I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.
Castle: What did he do?
Ryan: Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.
Castle: [to Beckett] What did your dad do?
Beckett: [pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.
Castle: How was your date when you finally came out?
Beckett: You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.
Castle: Nope! And now it's my turn...
Ryan: What are you planning?
Castle: Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

Castle: [to Beckett] Well, you're not bridge and tunnel. No trace of the boroughs when you talk, so that means Manhattan, that means money. You went to college, probably a pretty good one. You had options. Yeah, you had lots of options, better options, more socially acceptable options, and you still chose this. That tells me something happened. Not to you. No, you're wounded, but you're not that wounded. No, it was somebody you cared about. It was someone you loved. And you probably could have lived with that, but the person responsible was never caught. [realizing he's overstepped] And that, Detective Beckett, is why you're here.
Beckett: Cute trick. Don't think you know me.
Castle: [hesitant] The point is, there's always a story... you just have to find it.

Castle: [to his daughter Alexis] I just want someone to come up to me and say something new.
Beckett: Mr. Castle?
Castle: [turning around holding a pen ready to give an autograph] Where would you like it?
Beckett: [holding badge] Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight.
Alexis: [taking the pen from him] That's new.

Castle: All right, so you and I are married.
Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Guy: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle & Beckett: Yes.

Castle: How often are people killed in neighbourhoods like this?
Beckett: Same as anywhere else Castle. Just the once.

Castle: I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell: the hell of a deep-fried twinkie.
Ryan: Deep-fried twinkie?
Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,
Ryan and Esposito: Ah!
Castle: But a deep-fried twinkie everyday is... [gags]
Beckett: Castle!
Castle: What?
Beckett: Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.
Castle: I don't think he can hear me.
Beckett: Okay, how about a little self-respect then?
Castle: ...Fine.

Castle: Three men huddled around a computer... that better not be porn. And if it is, I want in.

Castle: Well, apparently, in an actual homicide, they don't know who did it until the guy gets caught.