Ryan: Guy in a tree; Mom and Dad bickering. Seems like old times!
Esposito: Mm-hmm!

Ryan: Haven't you ever wanted to be a superhero? Going out there, prowling the city, knocking some heads.
Esposito: I do that now.

Ryan: Still no luck with the curse, huh?
Esposito: Look on the bright side, Castle, you die, your book sales skyrocket.
Castle: Great.

Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps?"
Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...
Esposito: ...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...
Ryan: ...chud, turd...
Esposito: ...destro, scall...
Ryan: ...skexy, slicko, slick...
Esposito: ...mope...
Ryan: ...sleestak...
Castle: [writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Montgomery: I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."
Castle: Classic.

Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Esposito: "Roadkill?"
Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Esposito: Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.
Ryan: ...you know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.
Ryan: 54th and Lex.
Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

Simmons: You painted since the last time i was here. You'd have been about 16 wrestling some pimply kid in the back of his daddy's wagon. Wondering if you were gonna give it to him or not.
Castle: Hey that's enough!
Simmons: He's sweet on you. Makes him brave.

Sorenson: He's quite a guy. If only he knew how big a fan you really are.
Beckett: Yeah, well, he's not going to know.
Sorenson: You never told him how you stood in line for an hour just to get your book signed? How his novels got you through your mother's death?
Beckett: Is there anything you don't remember?
Sorenson: Not when it comes to you.

Suspect: Hey look, it's her! (pointing at a picture)
Beckett: You're sure this is the woman who rented the room?
Suspect: Yes.
Beckett: Rebecka Strong. She's a lab tech at the company.
Castle: Mmm, she's got cruel eyes. I bet she enjoyed watching Wilder suffer...

[A murder calls Castle away from an ad-hoc play rehearsal with his mother]
Alexis: Take me with you!
Castle: To a crime scene?
Alexis: It'd be educational. Please?
Castle: Find your own hiding place.

[After a SWAT team breaks into an apartment]
Esposito: Where's Nidal Metar? Shakir Nidal Metar! Where is he?
Tenant: There's no Shakir Nidal Metar here! Only Sally Neidermeyer!
Beckett: Ma'am, did you send a package by bike courier this morning?
Tenant: Yes, I did!
Beckett: "S. Nidal Metar?" S. Neidermeyer! Some bozo at the courier company wrote the name wrong.
Castle: Our bad. Uh, we can -
Ryan: - Yeah, we can fix this.
Castle: [lifting the door] Sorry.
[They screw the door back into its frame]

[after accusing a suspect with a lot of evidence]
Beckett:So you can play dumb, or you can play ball.
Castle:Pun intended.

[After Beckett discovers that Castle placed a bet with Esposito and Ryan over who would solve their murder first]
Castle: Listen, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, I just-
Roselyn: Beckett, you are never gonna believe this.
Beckett: Oh, the bar on "unbelievable" is pretty high right now.
Roselyn: The vic's husband took out a three-million dollar life insurance policy on his wife last month.
Beckett: [to Castle] $100 on us.

[after being told they were investigating someone's trip to Cuba]
Beckett:I don't know...me in a swimsuit under the hot, blistering sun.
Castle:I'd be happy to rub lotion on you.

[after hearing Castle comes from a line of mind readers]
Beckett: Con artists and circus people, huh?
Castle: Yeah, and mind-readers.
Beckett: Really? So tell me what I'm thinking.
Castle: Ah! You're... You're thinking... You don't care and you want me to stop talking?
Beckett: Ooh, that's uncanny.
Castle: It's in the blood.

[after meeting Joe Torre]
Beckett: That was Joe freaking Torre!