Montgomery: An FBI profile was as close as we came to ID-ing a suspect. Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old,
Castle: [To Beckett] Could be me.
Montgomery: Has a dysfunctional relationship with his mother,
Castle: Still me.
Montgomery: He has a menial, unimportant job.
Beckett: [To Castle] Definitely you.
Castle: Just for that, I'm basing my next book on Esposito. [Beckett glares at Castle]

Montgomery: If there's one thing I hate, it's a dirtbag in uniform.

Montgomery: You really think she (Bridget McManus) could overpower Zack (Zack Lindsey)?
Ryan: Uh, no, but her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them, each over 6 foot, each with his own claim to fame... Assaults...
Castle: Oh.
Ryan: Ag. Assault...
Castle: Bad.
Ryan: A.D.W.,
Castle: Ee.
Ryan: Battery...
Castle: Mm.
Ryan: Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.
Castle: Doesn't count.
Montgomery: Easy.
Ryan: Dude.
Castle: I... just jokes.

Natalie: Is Castle gay?
Beckett: [So shocked that she spits out her coffee] I'm sorry, what? No. No!
Natalie: Then you two are an item, but you're sworn to secrecy, right?
Beckett: No, we are not an item. Why?
Natalie: [Sighs] Last night I invited him back to my place. And he said something to me I have never heard from a man before.
Beckett: What?
Natalie: "No."
Beckett: [Raises her eyebrows] No?
Natalie: I don't get it! He's into you, but you're determined not to give into these feelings that you clearly have for him. So he fantasizes about you through his writing. It's literally verbal masturbation.
Beckett: Uh--okay, so what does this have to do with me?
Natalie: [Indicates her "Beckett costume"] I am not wearing this getup for my health. You're Nikki Heat, he's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Can you talk to him?
Beckett: And say what?
Natalie: [Shrugs] I dunno, give him permission or something.
[Beckett is momentarily speechless]
Beckett: I have to go. Over there. [She disappears in a random direction]

Police rep: Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...
Castle: My lifeless remains cannot sue the city?
Police rep: Your heirs, Mr. Castle, your heirs.

Raglan: [Indicates Castle] Lady, what part of "no cops" did you not understand?
Beckett: He's not a cop.
Raglan: Well, who the hell is he, then?
Beckett: Someone I trust.

Random: I wasn't running away! I was jogging.
Beckett: So what were you doing climbing down the side of a building?
Random: Uh, Cross-training. [Nods sagely] Better cardiovascular workout.

Rebecka: (uncontrollable sobbing) Ishoodhavestaydoutovitwhatwasithinkinggggg...
Castle: What did she say?
Beckett: What was I thinking, I should have stayed out of it. It's cry talk.

Richard Castle: [Season tagline] There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers. I'm the kind that pays better.

Ryan: He didn't kill Goldstein, but he did kill squirrel-stein. [Holds up a dead squirrel] What're the odds, huh?
Castle: Oh no, they took his clothes too!
Ryan: Could you...? [hands dead squirrel to officer]
Esposito: Awwwww!
Ryan: Yeah I know, I'm sorry.

Ryan [about Beckett and Castle]: Do they know they're finishing each other's sentences?

Ryan: [Looking at a cardboard cut-out of Castle] He really is ruggedly handsome.

Ryan: [pointing to inscription on Castle's book] From the library of Katherine Beckett.
Beckett: Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?
Esposito: Yo, check it, girl, you're totally a fan!
Beckett: Right. Of the genre.
Ryan: Right, the genre, that's why you're blushing.
Beckett: What are you, twelve?

Ryan: Beckett's a good cop. She can canvass and make googly eyes at the same time.

Ryan: Got an apartment up on four, and guess who's got the keys. [Jiggles them]
Beckett: [Snatches the keys] I do.