Buffy the Vampire Slayer quotes

733 total quotes


Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
Anya: Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.

Xander: Last month he's the freak with jicama breath who waxes his back. He wins a few meets and suddenly inherits the cool gene?
Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!

Xander: Make out with me.
Buffy: What?
Xander: As a way to hide. They always do that in movies.
Buffy: This is the Initiative, Xander. Military people don't make out with science people.
Xander: Maybe that's what's wrong with the world. You ever think about that?

Xander: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sorta compact but well-muscled.
Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!

Xander: Oh, no, no. No. Not cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was "I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.
Xander: I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning.

Xander: Okay, I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret, and it's, um, a little bit scary. I like you. A lot. And I want you to go to with me the dance.
Ampata: [laughs] Why was that so scary?
Xander: Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say 'yes', or if... she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Ampata: Hmm. Then you are very courageous.

Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll all regret later, okay?
Cordelia: Crazy freak!
Buffy: Vapid whore!
Xander: Like that.

Xander: Our dreams are coming true?
Giles: Dreams? That would be a musical comedy version of this. Nightmares, our--our nightmares are coming true.

Xander: Potential Slayers can function without sleep. Me, I'm no good without my usual 90 minutes.
Andrew: I'm with him. Keep the chatter down! Or speak up so I can hear you... I'm bored. Episode I bored.
...
[About Andrew.]
Rona: Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"

Xander: Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. Do we: a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done-
Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
Anya: And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. A lot of people get that wrong.

Xander: So with Buffy and Riley having... you know, acts of nakedness 'round the clock lately maybe they set something free, like a big, bursting poltergasm.

Xander: So, both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies.
Willow: Is it an army if you just have three?
Buffy: Zombie drill team then.

Xander: So, you doing anything special?
Buffy: Tree, nog, roast beast. Just me and Mom, and hopefully an excess of gifts. [to Willow] What are you doing for Christmas?
Willow: Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everyone worships Santa.

Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and...then I do a spell by myself.

Xander: Sunnydale. Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.
Nancy: There's good food?