Beavis: [mocking the singer] YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Butt-head: I think I saw this dude in Burger World, once.
Beavis: Yeah. [screaming] I'D LIKE TWO TACOS, PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSEEE!!!! AND A SMALL ORDER OF FRIIIIIIIEEEESSSSS!!! TO GOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Butt-head: That was pretty good, Beavis. You suck almost as much as this dude.

Beavis: [mutters] It better not change color. [whizzes in pregnancy test tube] It turned yellow! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Beavis: [On Frank Sinatra] Whoa! Who's that old guy?
Butt-head: I think that's like, some dude from The Eagles or something.
Beavis: Or like, one of those Rolling Stones guys?
Butt-head: Oh yeah. I think that's Keith Richards.
Beavis: Oh yeah. He's cool.

Beavis: [referring to a man dressed in women's clothing] That chick's pretty hot.
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: Ooooaaah.
Butt-head: They must have just did it and now she's like, fixing herself up.
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh. After I do it I like to y'know like, comb my hair and then like, y'know, then like, flush the toilet and stuff.
[The camera cuts back to them, and Beavis is combing his hair.]
Butt-head: Uh huh huh! You monkeyspank.

Beavis: [Referring to Edie, who is squatting] She's pinching a loaf.
Butt-head: That's disgusting!

Beavis: [Referring to man walking with stereo] Well look at this guy. Got his whole day ahead of him, you know?
Butt-head: Strolling down the beach with the speakers the wrong way...
Beavis: Not a care in the world, you know?
[The guy is hit by a car]
Beavis: Whoa!
Butt-head: Uh... oh no. Well, at least he died before they started singing.

Beavis: [scared] My butt HURTS!!

Beavis: [seeing a man milking a cow] Check it out, that dude's choking the cow's chicken!
Butt-head: No he's not, bungmunch. That's how you get milk.
Beavis: Um...you have to spank a cow's monkey to get milk??
Butt-head: No, you squeeze its boobs!
Beavis: Wow. Really?? I didn't know a cow had boobs. I thought it just had, you know, that big nutsack with all the wieners hanging off it.

Beavis: [Sees a woman's bare feet dangling over a road]] AAH! No! Don't stub your toe! That scares me, Butt-head. It's like, you're hanging your feet off the end of the car, and then, [shows feet agian] AAH! There it is again!
Butt-head: Settle down, dumbass.
Beavis: That's dangerous! It's like, she's letting her feet hang down, and like, it's gonna accidentally hit the asphalt, and then it's like "Ow!"
Butt-head: So what, Beavis?
Beavis: It's like...I want their feet to look nice, you know?
Butt-head: Really?
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, I like it when chicks have nice feet, y'know. [Sees feet again] KEEP YOUR FEET UP, COME ON! Then you can like...put your hands on 'em.
Butt-head: Uh...okay, Beavis. I think you oughta just shut up.
Beavis: [Sees feet again] FEET! FEET! OW!

Beavis: [Sees two men fighting] Hit him! Hit him! Pull his hair!
Butt-head: Cool!
Beavis: Maybe we should like...take some points off because that was pretty cool.
Butt-head: No way, Beavis! Just because something's cool doesn't mean something else doesn't suck.
Beavis: What?
Butt-head: [yelling] I SAID JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING'S COOL DOESN'T MEAN SOMETHING ELSE DOESN'T SUCK!!!
Beavis: Um...what?
Butt-head: NEVER MIND, BUTTMUNCH!!!

Beavis: [singing along] Make up your mind��
Butt-head: I already made up my mind; this sucks.
Beavis: Well, now, come on, give it a chance.

Beavis: [singing along] Now whip it!/Into shape!/Shape it up!/Get it straight!/Go forward!/Move ahead!/Try to detect it!/It's not too late!/[starts going out of time with the song]To whip it!/Into shape!/Shape it, uh...[realizes he is singing out of time]...go forward...move ahead, try to detect it...
Butt-head: That sucked, Beavis.
Beavis: Well, at least I tried. You just sit there on your ass and make me do all the work.

Beavis: [singing along] Sold my fo-chun...Hey Butt-head, what's a fo-chun?
Butt-head: I think it's one of those beds that folds into a couch.
Beavis: Oh yeah, it's one of those things. So like, how come he sold it?
Butt-head: 'Cause he probably got like a big bed so he didn't need it anymore.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Maybe he got tired of people crashing at his house and sleeping on it. So it's like, he sold it, and it's like, he wrote a cool song about it. Sold my fo-chun!
Butt-head: Yeah. And then he had a bunch of fights happen in the video.

Beavis: [Singing off-key] SING US A SONG, YOU'RE THE PIANO MAN!
Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Dang

Beavis: [singing] Ever since I was a young boy, I've played the silver ball!