Archer quotes
339 total quotesMalory: And then I put whipped cream over everything and you know where this goes...
Malory: But even though Cyril may be clingy...
Lana: Oh, Saran Wrap could take a lesson.
Lana: Oh, Saran Wrap could take a lesson.
Malory: But Krieger, wait. The bathroom, the body, how did you--
Krieger: [puts his finger over Malory's mouth] Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh. You don't want to know. But you do probably want to go wash your lips now.
Krieger: [puts his finger over Malory's mouth] Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh. You don't want to know. But you do probably want to go wash your lips now.
Malory: But they were blanks! Weren't they?
Archer: Only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards.
Archer: Only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards.
Malory: Have the porter bring me a cobb salad.
Lana: Before or after we capture the dangerous terrorist?
Malory: Before.
Lana: Before or after we capture the dangerous terrorist?
Malory: Before.
Malory: I don't care if he's happy!
Trexler: Well, that's obvious.
Malory: Meaning what exactly?!
Trexler: Meaning who leaves a nine-year-old in a police station on Christmas?!
Malory: Eve! And he told you about that?
Trexler: Oh, we've had such great talks.
Malory: Fire him!
Trexler: Join him! Come work for me.
Malory: Have you lost your mind?!
Trexler: Every time I see you.
Malory: Fire him.
Trexler: Can't do it.
Malory: Can't or won't?
Trexler: Either?
Trexler: Well, that's obvious.
Malory: Meaning what exactly?!
Trexler: Meaning who leaves a nine-year-old in a police station on Christmas?!
Malory: Eve! And he told you about that?
Trexler: Oh, we've had such great talks.
Malory: Fire him!
Trexler: Join him! Come work for me.
Malory: Have you lost your mind?!
Trexler: Every time I see you.
Malory: Fire him.
Trexler: Can't do it.
Malory: Can't or won't?
Trexler: Either?
Malory: I don't care if it's a Wehrmacht reunion party, this isn't my first Grand Prix you know.
Malory: I swear, if any one saw me in this awful van.
Lana: How could they with this illegal ass window tint. Dude, this van is like, rolling probable cause.
Malory: So all ashore from the S.S. Date Rape.
Ray: Toot toot.
Lana: How could they with this illegal ass window tint. Dude, this van is like, rolling probable cause.
Malory: So all ashore from the S.S. Date Rape.
Ray: Toot toot.
Malory: If you were in my tax bracket, you wouldn't be shouting such socialist propaganda.
Archer: Or wearing such shitty clothes.
Archer: Or wearing such shitty clothes.
Malory: Immigrants! That's how they do, you know. Just drive around listening to raps and shooting all the jobs.
Malory: Oh don't worry. He may be a vain, selfish, lying, and quite possibly alcoholic man-whore, but gambling is one vice Sterling doesn't have.
Archer: Uh, I guess it's cause he's doing all that other awesome stuff, thanks mother.
Archer: Uh, I guess it's cause he's doing all that other awesome stuff, thanks mother.
Malory: So once again you're left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?
Malory: Who taught you to drive?
Cheryl: This guy I know called my dead father.
Malory: Oh... I...
Cheryl: Yeah, I bet you feel like a dick.
Cheryl: This guy I know called my dead father.
Malory: Oh... I...
Cheryl: Yeah, I bet you feel like a dick.