Lana: So as far as Archer is concerned, I feel like I dodged the world's most dysfunctional bullet.
Cheryl: Yeah, but Cyril was... oh wait, did he have some sort of character flaw?
[Brief shots of Lana walking in on Cyril having sex with Scatterbrain Jane, Framboise, and Cheryl (whom he is choking); Cyril is looking up and nervously saying "Hello" in each one]
Lana: Couple things...
[She lunges at Cheryl. They fight throughout the following]
Cheryl: Bring it!
Ray: Yeah, we are code blue here.
Pam: Hey. Yeah, blue! Like for baby boys.
Ray: No, I meant, like, for her face...
Cheryl: [To Lana] Choke me!
Pam: No, like for let's have a baby shower for Trinette and the wee baby Seamus.
Ray: Oh my god yes! But your place is disgusting, so where could we have it?
Pam: Well, Archer's got that bangin' pad.
Lana: [letting up on Cheryl] He'll hate that. I wanna come.
Cheryl: Ohhhhh, I think I just did.

Lana: SO GO ALREADY! Bag with which one douches.

Lana: So, we've got a dead Italian prime minister in the living room which--
Archer: Sucks, because I bet he knew how to make sauce.

Lana: Somebody's trying to frame Malory for murdering the Prime Minister of Italy.
Cheryl: Oooo, I bet it's that wicked king!

Lana: Telex. You got one in here?
Archer: Why? So you can smash that too?
Lana: No.
Archer: [Talking over Lana] Because I'm pretty sure I'm financially responsible for the furnishings!

Lana: Undercover?
Malory: Of course undercover!
Lana: As what? Russia's only black woman?

Lana: Was that before or after you got caught fondling a teenager?
Archer: Well, obviously before; after was all gendarmes and dick stitches.

Lana: We'll never catch him in this thing!
Archer: Maybe you should've thought about that before you blew the damn drop!
Lana: I blew jack shit!
Archer: Name dropper.

Lana: Well, go ahead and say it.
Archer: What?
Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex.
Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood!...I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that tiger's family...But, you know...go ahead and start.

Lana: What are you doing back there?
Archer: I don't know!
Lana: What, are you just hitting random keys?
Archer: Well, obviously!

Lana: What's your blood type?
Archer: How should I know?
Lana: How could you NOT know?
Archer: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner?

Lana: You're looking for Predator aren't you?
Archer:...yes!
Lana: A, he's invisible.
Archer: Not totally, he has a tell-tale shimmer.

Major Jackov: Et tu, Brute?!
Russian Soldier: Et me, buddy.

Major Jackov: So, Comrade Bionic Barry, can you solve my Kasnova problem?
Barry: Yeah, probably. If I knew and/or cared what that was. But since I don't and/or do not, I'm going to kill and/or murder Sterling Archer.

Major Jackov: [Discussing his plan to kidnap Archer] Turn him into, how you say, vole?
Russian Soldier: I think you mean mole.
Major Jackov: Ah?
Russian Soldier: Mole. Vole is also rodent but more closely related to lemming.