American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesStan: [after taking the pills] I feel... not buzzed, but... well-rested, like I had a cup of coffee at 6:30 AM. I feel good!
Stan: [drunk] Francine, you need to come home right now. Greg was mean to me!
Tank Bates: What're you talking about, fruit loop? She's Terry's girlfriend.
Stan: No she's not. She's my wife! Greg is Terry's boyfriend!
Tank Bates: ...What?
Stan: Terry and Greg are in love! Your son is gay!
[Terry faints in an overly-cliched manner. his father, confused, catches him]
Stan: See? That's not how a straight guy faints. This is how a straight guy faints!
[collapses forward and lands flat on his face]
Tank Bates: What're you talking about, fruit loop? She's Terry's girlfriend.
Stan: No she's not. She's my wife! Greg is Terry's boyfriend!
Tank Bates: ...What?
Stan: Terry and Greg are in love! Your son is gay!
[Terry faints in an overly-cliched manner. his father, confused, catches him]
Stan: See? That's not how a straight guy faints. This is how a straight guy faints!
[collapses forward and lands flat on his face]
Stan: [talking about his camping trip with his dad and son] It was really fun. You should have been there, Francine. I mean, it was a father-son trip so if you had been there it would have ruined everything.
Stan: An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!
Stan: Come on, Francine! Small planes are the safest of all. If Richie Valens' plane had been just a little bit smaller, he'd still be alive.
Stan: Go Biscuit! [the dog hits the wall] Okay, go Cheesers! [mouse runs away] Coward!
Stan: Hey, lady. Is that your hot air balloon? I need a ride back to the States.
Carolyn: I'm sorry, but that balloon is for offical Guinness business only.
Stan: What if I told you we'd set the record for "Most Spontaneous Cross Atlantic Hot Air Balloon Trip"?
Carolyn: I'm sorry, sir. I can't.
Stan: [pulls out his gun] What if I told you I'm about to set the record for shooting a woman in the face the most times in a row?
Carolyn: Alejandro, fire up the balloon!
Carolyn: I'm sorry, but that balloon is for offical Guinness business only.
Stan: What if I told you we'd set the record for "Most Spontaneous Cross Atlantic Hot Air Balloon Trip"?
Carolyn: I'm sorry, sir. I can't.
Stan: [pulls out his gun] What if I told you I'm about to set the record for shooting a woman in the face the most times in a row?
Carolyn: Alejandro, fire up the balloon!
Stan: It was nice of Steve to acknowledge us this week. Even if it was just this one time.
Stan: Roger, I think I've found a way off this island! Is there such a thing as a time crab?
Stan: Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for a while.
Stan: Steve, don't ever tell your mom I let you jump from a moving car... twice.
Stan: Really, Steve... look at me....not a word.
Stan: Really, Steve... look at me....not a word.
Stan: Well, I'd rather be acting crazy than feeling crazy. That's good, Stan. I'm gonna write that down when we land. Oh, already forgot it.
Stan: [to Roger] Here's the parent company. Here's the subsidiary. Here's the branch of Food Co that presides over Hotdog Hauss. Here's Hotdog Hauss. Here's East Central Division. Here's this warehouse and this tiny little spot here is you.
Steve: See. Thanks to Roger, Etan will think someone's trying to steal the gifts from the car. But that's just a misdirection; the real gifts we're after are the ones in his jacket.
Roger: [whispers to Barry] Scams make me so horny. (Barry looks worried)
Roger: [whispers to Barry] Scams make me so horny. (Barry looks worried)