American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesStan: [after finding the photo of Roger in the paper] How did this happen?
Roger: I have no idea. I leave the house in disguise, but six Rob Roys later, things happen that I can't be responsible for. Like buying this puzzle. Why the hell did I buy this puzzle?
[begins tearing the nearly complete puzzle apart]
Roger: I hate puppies! Get out of that tea cup! That cup is for tea!
Roger: I have no idea. I leave the house in disguise, but six Rob Roys later, things happen that I can't be responsible for. Like buying this puzzle. Why the hell did I buy this puzzle?
[begins tearing the nearly complete puzzle apart]
Roger: I hate puppies! Get out of that tea cup! That cup is for tea!
Stan: [to Francine] Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it works.
Stan: Francine, my mother is not manipulating me. Our relationship is completely normal. And if you keep upsetting me, then I'll have to retreat to my safe place between her breasts.
Stan: I hope my son is still about to be molested! I need a half price ticket.
Ticket Man: I'm sorry, I cant accept a full can. It has to be empty.
[Stan chugs the soda]
Stan: [panting] Polar bears... shouldn't give this... to their babies!
Ticket Man: I'm sorry, I cant accept a full can. It has to be empty.
[Stan chugs the soda]
Stan: [panting] Polar bears... shouldn't give this... to their babies!
Stan: I'm gonna go hit the juice bar, you wouldn't like it. It's not about living out childhood abuse through degrading sexual encounters; it's more about juice.
Stan: I'm having a spiritual crisis. What do you do when your best friend doesn't believe in God?
Father Donovan: Well, Stan, we're hardly best friends.
Father Donovan: Well, Stan, we're hardly best friends.
Stan: If I had died in that crash today, who would remember me?
Francine: I would.
Stan: That's right. Nobody.
(Stan reunites with his kids and hugs them)
Francine: I would.
Stan: That's right. Nobody.
(Stan reunites with his kids and hugs them)
Stan: Let go of me! This is stupid!
Roger: [as a psychiatrist] You're stupid! I'm sorry, that was unprofessional. I've been a bit consumed with one of my other patients. He's a complicated teenaged drug addict who's being molested... by me.
Roger: [as a psychiatrist] You're stupid! I'm sorry, that was unprofessional. I've been a bit consumed with one of my other patients. He's a complicated teenaged drug addict who's being molested... by me.
Stan: Man, I can't believe I survived a shot to the head.
Klaus: Well, the doctor says you'll have some memory loss, but I'll be by your side through every step of your recovery, my friend.
Stan: Who's the talking fish?
Klaus: Well, the doctor says you'll have some memory loss, but I'll be by your side through every step of your recovery, my friend.
Stan: Who's the talking fish?
Stan: Oh, and the piercings and vacuum are gone by tomorrow or this hole becomes your graves.
Stan: Once we were foes lockin a death stuggle now he works for me. Stalin's up in heaven cryin' his eyes out.
Stan: So what new gadgets have you got for me, S?
S (Steve): Seems like an ordinary fancy gold pen, right? Turn the top. [Stan turns top, emits green gas] When that gas comes in contact with a woman, it's makes her breasts grow bigger.
Stan: Don't you have anything a little more..useful?
S: Ahh, right, right! Perhaps you'll like this. Looks like an ordinary cellphone, yes? Well, open it and press 3. [Stan presses 3] Yeah, see, if you're a woman, you'd have some pretty big cans by now.
S (Steve): Seems like an ordinary fancy gold pen, right? Turn the top. [Stan turns top, emits green gas] When that gas comes in contact with a woman, it's makes her breasts grow bigger.
Stan: Don't you have anything a little more..useful?
S: Ahh, right, right! Perhaps you'll like this. Looks like an ordinary cellphone, yes? Well, open it and press 3. [Stan presses 3] Yeah, see, if you're a woman, you'd have some pretty big cans by now.
Stan: Steve, it's a beautiful afternoon. Shouldn't you be outside with your friends turning my tool shed into Mordor or Endor or... something heartbreaking?
Stan: That's nice, guys. Okay, Matt Damon and Lucy Liu, you're next. Oh, look at the little guy. It's Dad's A-list then it's Mom's B-list; so it's a B-plus right off the bat.