American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesGuy #1: It's all set, right?
Guy #2: It's gonna be just like in Carrie. [pulls rope; several squealing pigs fall on Stan]
Guy #1: Pigs? It was supposed to be pig's blood.
Guy #2: I didn't finish the book.
Guy #1: You stopped reading after the word "pigs"? That wasn't even the end of the sentence.
Guy #2: It's gonna be just like in Carrie. [pulls rope; several squealing pigs fall on Stan]
Guy #1: Pigs? It was supposed to be pig's blood.
Guy #2: I didn't finish the book.
Guy #1: You stopped reading after the word "pigs"? That wasn't even the end of the sentence.
Hayley Smith: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house?
Stan Smith: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.
Steve Smith: Hilary, could you pass the salt?
Stan Smith: [holding gun to her head] Pass him the salt.
Stan Smith: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.
Steve Smith: Hilary, could you pass the salt?
Stan Smith: [holding gun to her head] Pass him the salt.
Hayley: [held by Deaf Teddy] Ow! Let go of me!
Francine: Hayley, what are you doing here?
Hayley: I was worried...you were acting so crazy, so I followed you.
Deaf Teddy: [through sign language] I found her eavesdropping. Also, I'll need some time off in March. My wife's really on my ass.
Francine: Hayley, what are you doing here?
Hayley: I was worried...you were acting so crazy, so I followed you.
Deaf Teddy: [through sign language] I found her eavesdropping. Also, I'll need some time off in March. My wife's really on my ass.
Hayley: [to Roger] I promise I'll help you find a safe way to socialize with humans.
Roger: That'd be great, Hayley. I feel so cooped up in this place. It's like a prison, except without the thrill of a daily cavity search. [pauses] Did I say thrill? I meant fear.
Roger: That'd be great, Hayley. I feel so cooped up in this place. It's like a prison, except without the thrill of a daily cavity search. [pauses] Did I say thrill? I meant fear.
Hayley: Here's to Mom! She's finally cast off the shackles of domestic servitude and realized her potential as a smart, independent woman.
Stan:: Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face?
Stan:: Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face?
Hayley: I know it's crazy, but I like him. He challenges me, and besides, he has a really huge--
Stan: Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said--
Hayley: I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
Stan: Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said--
Hayley: I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
Hayley: My mother stole my boyfriend!
Stan: Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other!
[pause]
Stan: Wait a minute. Daddy didn't think that through.
Stan: Your boyfriend stole my wife! Let's get back at them by dating each other!
[pause]
Stan: Wait a minute. Daddy didn't think that through.
Klaus: [after Francine's scream shatters his bowl] Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia, but I'm the real fish out of water! [laughs, then suddenly stopping] Seriously, I'm dying.
Klaus: [closing lines, after he is reverted back into a goldfish] I guess it's true what they say; once you're black, there's no going back.
Klaus: If that were a real Wish Bowl, it would be in the Ferrari of a 600-year-old Incan on the way to his job as Jessica Alba's G-string.
Klaus: Now here's your allowance: five bubbles. [blows five bubbles] Ah, what the hell--six bubbles. [blows another bubble and whispers] Don't tell your mother.
Klaus: There was a very famous Jewish girl who kept a diary. It... ended badly. But enough about Fran Drescher! [laughs] You thought I was making a Holocaust joke! [angrily] Shame on you!
Klaus: Why so sensitive all of a sudden?
Roger: I'm going through my reproductive cycle. It's complicated. I'll draw you a diagram. Every six years, my gIaxins shoot up into my fompairs, causing me to lactate a viscous milky mucus. (milks his breasts)
Klaus: Ugh! Your insides sicken me! I'll be in mein crapper. [sigh] I'm always in mein crapper.
Roger: I'm going through my reproductive cycle. It's complicated. I'll draw you a diagram. Every six years, my gIaxins shoot up into my fompairs, causing me to lactate a viscous milky mucus. (milks his breasts)
Klaus: Ugh! Your insides sicken me! I'll be in mein crapper. [sigh] I'm always in mein crapper.
Mitch: A car is simply a means of transporting pizzas. Thankfully the pizzas survived for they contain the dough... of life.
Old lady: [spitting at the Lincoln Memorial] That's for freein' the slaves, ya Negro-lovin' Yankee Devil!
Roger: [gritting his teeth] And suddenly, things turned ugly.
Roger: [gritting his teeth] And suddenly, things turned ugly.