American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesGrandson: Wait, someone accidentally ordered a woman in the mail? Grandpa, is this the same story?
Grandpa Klaus: No, it is a little side story. I'm using it to break up the main story so you don't get bored.
Grandson: Are we part of the story, Grandpa?
Grandpa Klaus: Oh nononono. No, we are a "framing device".
Grandpa Klaus: No, it is a little side story. I'm using it to break up the main story so you don't get bored.
Grandson: Are we part of the story, Grandpa?
Grandpa Klaus: Oh nononono. No, we are a "framing device".
Grandson: Whoa-whoa-whoa. You were a fish?!
Grandpa Klaus: Oh yeah, that.... But Stan he was a new man and he--
Grandson: Hold on a second. You, were a fish. Don't you think that's a better story than two grown-ups ice skating?
Grandpa Klaus: I was also roommates with Rick Schroder, you wanna hear about that?
Grandson: YEAH!!
Grandpa Klaus: [sighs] Okay, Rick Schroder sucks, h-he just... h-he just sucks. He sucks so hard. Rick Schroder uses women. The end.
Grandpa Klaus: Oh yeah, that.... But Stan he was a new man and he--
Grandson: Hold on a second. You, were a fish. Don't you think that's a better story than two grown-ups ice skating?
Grandpa Klaus: I was also roommates with Rick Schroder, you wanna hear about that?
Grandson: YEAH!!
Grandpa Klaus: [sighs] Okay, Rick Schroder sucks, h-he just... h-he just sucks. He sucks so hard. Rick Schroder uses women. The end.
Guy #1: It's all set, right?
Guy #2: It's gonna be just like in Carrie. [pulls rope; several squealing pigs fall on Stan]
Guy #1: Pigs? It was supposed to be pig's blood.
Guy #2: I didn't finish the book.
Guy #1: You stopped reading after the word "pigs"? That wasn't even the end of the sentence.
Guy #2: It's gonna be just like in Carrie. [pulls rope; several squealing pigs fall on Stan]
Guy #1: Pigs? It was supposed to be pig's blood.
Guy #2: I didn't finish the book.
Guy #1: You stopped reading after the word "pigs"? That wasn't even the end of the sentence.
Hayley Smith: Oh my God. Dad, why is Hilary Duff in our house?
Stan Smith: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.
Steve Smith: Hilary, could you pass the salt?
Stan Smith: [holding gun to her head] Pass him the salt.
Stan Smith: Hilary is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with Steve.
Steve Smith: Hilary, could you pass the salt?
Stan Smith: [holding gun to her head] Pass him the salt.
Hayley (after revealing a Ghostbusters 2 tattoo on her chest): I gotta stop smoking salvia at the body paint shop.
Hayley: [held by Deaf Teddy] Ow! Let go of me!
Francine: Hayley, what are you doing here?
Hayley: I was worried...you were acting so crazy, so I followed you.
Deaf Teddy: [through sign language] I found her eavesdropping. Also, I'll need some time off in March. My wife's really on my ass.
Francine: Hayley, what are you doing here?
Hayley: I was worried...you were acting so crazy, so I followed you.
Deaf Teddy: [through sign language] I found her eavesdropping. Also, I'll need some time off in March. My wife's really on my ass.
Hayley: [significantly fatter] Thank God we're going home. I think I gained the African 20. Seriously, I threw away more food than I ate.
Hayley: [to Roger] I promise I'll help you find a safe way to socialize with humans.
Roger: That'd be great, Hayley. I feel so cooped up in this place. It's like a prison, except without the thrill of a daily cavity search. [pauses] Did I say thrill? I meant fear.
Roger: That'd be great, Hayley. I feel so cooped up in this place. It's like a prison, except without the thrill of a daily cavity search. [pauses] Did I say thrill? I meant fear.
Hayley: [to Stan and Roger] Yeah, you guys should just f**k and get it over with. Clearly, you have repressed sexual feelings for each other that you're channeling into hostility.
Hayley: [to Stan] That phrase the old man said to you was in Latin. But, uh, I can't find the translation.
Klaus: What did he say exactly?
Hayley: Um, it was something...[says something in Latin]
Klaus: [says the correct phrase in Latin] It means, "Walk in my shoes and you will know." It's a really good hex.
Stan: How do you know so much about hexes?
Klaus: I do a lot of reading, you know, 'cause I sit in the ******* bowl all ******* day.
Klaus: What did he say exactly?
Hayley: Um, it was something...[says something in Latin]
Klaus: [says the correct phrase in Latin] It means, "Walk in my shoes and you will know." It's a really good hex.
Stan: How do you know so much about hexes?
Klaus: I do a lot of reading, you know, 'cause I sit in the ******* bowl all ******* day.
Hayley: After we ran out of money, Jeff suggested that we prostitute ourselves. At first, Jeff was saying he was only going to do women, but then... that wasn't working out. So, long short story, Jeff's on butt rest, and we moved to the desert.
Hayley: Here's to Mom! She's finally cast off the shackles of domestic servitude and realized her potential as a smart, independent woman.
Stan:: Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face?
Stan:: Hayley, how would you like a punch in the face?
Hayley: How long were you planning on keeping us up here? Forever?
Stan: What? No! [kicks down the sign "Smith family graveyard" next to him]
Stan: What? No! [kicks down the sign "Smith family graveyard" next to him]
Hayley: I know it's crazy, but I like him. He challenges me, and besides, he has a really huge--
Stan: Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said--
Hayley: I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
Stan: Penis! I mean, Hayley. Dammit! I was trying to cut you off before you said--
Hayley: I was going to say heart but, well, you shined his shoes.
Hayley: I think he might be the one! I mean, if he dumped me, I don't know what I would do.
Francine [nervously]: You'd be fine!
Hayley: No, I think I'd go maximum crazy! I'd murder Bill... burn down the neighborhood... rape Roger!
Francine [nervously]: You'd be fine!
Hayley: No, I think I'd go maximum crazy! I'd murder Bill... burn down the neighborhood... rape Roger!