American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesSteve: Funny, I always wanted a pool filled with cherry Jell-O. Well, in the end I got it. I got a lot of other things on my rise to stardom. Women... respect... that joke about the ten-inch pianist... Can't believe I never got that before.
Steve: Gee, Dad. I'd like to get in the hot tub too. But I can't 'cause I'm pretty sure my parents jizzed in it last night!
Steve: Geez, Roger, you're making Kevin Bacon look like a total douche.
Hayley: Yeah, you may be beautiful on the outside like Kevin Bacon, but you're ugly on the inside like Tommy Lee Jones... on the outside... and the inside.
Hayley: Yeah, you may be beautiful on the outside like Kevin Bacon, but you're ugly on the inside like Tommy Lee Jones... on the outside... and the inside.
Steve: Here she comes.
Stan: (looks at Debbie through the window) Where's Debbie? Behind that fat girl?
Steve: No, Dad, that's...
Stan: Is the fat girl going to lead us to Debbie?
Steve: No, that's...
Stan: She's carrying a purse. She must have a map to Debbie in her purse.
Steve: Dad, that's Debbie.
Stan: To the panic room!
Stan: (looks at Debbie through the window) Where's Debbie? Behind that fat girl?
Steve: No, Dad, that's...
Stan: Is the fat girl going to lead us to Debbie?
Steve: No, that's...
Stan: She's carrying a purse. She must have a map to Debbie in her purse.
Steve: Dad, that's Debbie.
Stan: To the panic room!
Steve: How come all the women are dressed like ninjas?
Hayley: They're wearing abayas. Saudi women aren't objectified like women in Western cultures. The beauty myth doesn't exist here.
Stan: It doesn't exist in Idaho either. Why wouldn't we go there? Talk about a bunch of dogs.
Hayley: They're wearing abayas. Saudi women aren't objectified like women in Western cultures. The beauty myth doesn't exist here.
Stan: It doesn't exist in Idaho either. Why wouldn't we go there? Talk about a bunch of dogs.
Steve: I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin.
Francine: Aw, sweetie, there was a 70-80% chance of that happening, anyway.
Francine: Aw, sweetie, there was a 70-80% chance of that happening, anyway.
Steve: I can't believe you muscled out your own son. You stink, Dad!
Stan: Oh, come on. What's more important? Your hopes and dreams or me making more than your mother?
Stan: Oh, come on. What's more important? Your hopes and dreams or me making more than your mother?
Steve: I didn't like the last half, it's not as effervescent. Nope, the bottom's not for me; I'm what they call a top. [Roger's eyes widen at Steve's unintentionally suggestive line]
Stan: I can't believe you drank my soda that I bought with money I earned.
Steve: Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't know you wanted it. (waves his fingers in Stan's face): Here, my fingers are still sticky. You can suck on them if you want.
Roger [staring at Steve's fingers, clearly aroused]: Well, I'll be upstairs melting pearls on my tummy if you need me.
Stan: I can't believe you drank my soda that I bought with money I earned.
Steve: Oh, I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't know you wanted it. (waves his fingers in Stan's face): Here, my fingers are still sticky. You can suck on them if you want.
Roger [staring at Steve's fingers, clearly aroused]: Well, I'll be upstairs melting pearls on my tummy if you need me.
Steve: I don't think Dad likes having me around anymore.
Francine: Aw... Now why would you say that?
Steve: Because I woke up this morning in the car, fully dressed.
Francine: Steve, your father got hurt in a very tender place. He's probably frustrated he can't go to work, or mow the lawn, or clean the gutters. Boy, it's been a while since he's cleaned the gutters.
Steve: Hey, maybe until Dad get better, I can clean the gutters.
Francine: That's creepy, honey.
Francine: Aw... Now why would you say that?
Steve: Because I woke up this morning in the car, fully dressed.
Francine: Steve, your father got hurt in a very tender place. He's probably frustrated he can't go to work, or mow the lawn, or clean the gutters. Boy, it's been a while since he's cleaned the gutters.
Steve: Hey, maybe until Dad get better, I can clean the gutters.
Francine: That's creepy, honey.
Steve: No, no, Debbie. This break-up has nothing to do with my dad at all. It's just... you know, this is a really bad time for me. The Ghostbusters box set just came out. What, with that and the new Doom being released, I don't know I can give you the time you need. Forget me, big beautiful creature! [cries]
(Stan is at an anorexia support group, consisting entirely of anorexic teenage girls)
(Stan is at an anorexia support group, consisting entirely of anorexic teenage girls)