Steve: (smells plant) Ahh, basil and snail poison; the sweet smell of summer.
Klaus: Hey, you should plant some of those, uh... I don't know what you call them here... Hitler melons.

Steve: (to Barry) Hey, that's my dad's Tara Reid collector's plate. You can't touch that. You know how much that'll be worth in a few months when she's dead?

Steve: (whispering about the young child on the swing set) There he is!
Roger: That little feelings-hurter is about to eat crow! I'm going to rub his nose in my nose!
Young Child: Mommy, look! It's the monster! (Roger gasps) The monster from the hit movie, Hollow Man!
Young Child's Mother: Oh my god! It IS Kevin Bacon! Normally I'd chastise you for watching an R-rated movie, but Kevin Bacon is an American treasure! Even when he's playing an invisible rapist!

Steve: Au revoir, les enfants! That means, "**** you!"

Steve: Damn your experimental steroids!
Stan: It's okay, son, you're experiencing a perfectly natural side effect called 'roid rage.
Steve: Oh, I'm experiencing a side effect, all right! [pulls front of bathrobe] I have boobs!
Stan: Oh, my God!
Klaus: I know. Talk about a butterface.

Steve: [after holding hands with Betsy] I touched her hand... her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I got some boob! Algebra's awesome!

Steve: [angry] Son of a bitch!!!!
(after Hayley kills off Steve's character in the video game)

Steve: [explaining how he got tickets to Battlestar Galactica On Ice] How does anybody anything?
(After Stan tells the story of how he married Joanna at the beach)

Steve: [referencing to Stan] What a boob.
Stan: What was that, Steve?
Steve: Um, I... asked Hayley if I could squeeze her boob.
Stan: I love it when you kids get along.

Steve: All right, just give birth the ferret baby and put it in the bucket-- it's worth 50 points

Steve: Chlorine. Bromine. Crap! Astatine! How could I forget? It has the words teen and ass in it.

Steve: Dad, I'm meeting the fellas at the movies. Can I have a few bucks for popcorn?
Stan: [wearing a money suit] Do I look like I'm made of money?

Steve: Dad, they just kidnapped Makeva!
Stan: All right, I understand "kidnapped." But what is "Makeva"? Ugh, I bet that little girl they stole could have told me.

Steve: Dad, you have to help me get Makeva back.
Stan: But I don't know what to do.
Steve: (slaps Stan; mockingly) "I don't know what to do." You can act like a man!
Stan: There's no hitting at Camp Refoogee.
Steve: Look, the Bawango rebels ruined our camp and took one of your campers. Are you going to let them get away with that?
(The refugees gather around Stan)
Stan: Don't move, Steve. Just give them your credit card and we'll cancel it when we get home.
Steve: Dad, these are your campers. They're rallying around you.
Stan: Oh, yes, right, right. Thanks, fellas.

Steve: Dollywood?
Roger: Dolly Parton's theme park! The rides give you the same experience as looking at her - fun from far way, but really scary up close. Anyway, it's on sale for $50 million.
Steve: You moron! You can't get $50 million for a kidney!
Roger: Would it hurt to say "Good idea, Roger" once in a while? [He pulls out a bottle of vodka from the tub.] This was to celebrate!