American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesStan: When I turned 14, I took fiduciary responsibility for my mothers 401K. We discussed over Italian food. I had my first espresso, it kept me up all night. I fell asleep at dawn for five minutes and had a stress dream about the house burning down. Pretty good birthday.
(Stan comes home from his extended stay in prison)
(Stan comes home from his extended stay in prison)
Stan: Who are you?
Bug (weakly): Roger's conscience.
Stan: Oh, my God. You're dying of neglect.
Bug: Kill me.
(Stan hears moaning from behind him. He turns around and finds Tom Skerritt wrapped up like a fly in a spiderweb)
Stan: Tom Skerritt?
Tom Skerritt (weakly): Get me work.
Bug (weakly): Roger's conscience.
Stan: Oh, my God. You're dying of neglect.
Bug: Kill me.
(Stan hears moaning from behind him. He turns around and finds Tom Skerritt wrapped up like a fly in a spiderweb)
Stan: Tom Skerritt?
Tom Skerritt (weakly): Get me work.
Stan: Who's the boob? It that what you call me behind my back?
Francine: It's just a nickname, honey. It doesn't mean anything. It's like fatty or baby penis.
Francine: It's just a nickname, honey. It doesn't mean anything. It's like fatty or baby penis.
Stan: Why can't Jeff live with his family?!
Hayley: He hasn't spoken to his dad in years, and his mom ran away before he was born.
Stan: How... how could she do that?
Hayley: He hasn't spoken to his dad in years, and his mom ran away before he was born.
Stan: How... how could she do that?
Stan: Why did you cut Francine out of the will and leave everything to Gwen?
Mr. Ling: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She fail math in school! Imagine a Chinese girl can't do math?
Stan : It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
Mr. Ling: Francine is our smart daughter. We never have to worry about her...and she married OK.
Mr. Ling: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She fail math in school! Imagine a Chinese girl can't do math?
Stan : It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
Mr. Ling: Francine is our smart daughter. We never have to worry about her...and she married OK.
Stan: You get back here, Hayley! No? Well, I didn't want to had to use this, but-- Rhubarb!
Francine: "Rhubarb"?
Stan: Hmm, that's her trigger word; I had her brainwashed at five. She's supposed to kill Walter Mondale, but I guess it didn't take. [a zoned-out Steve walks by in the background with a sniper rifle]
Francine: "Rhubarb"?
Stan: Hmm, that's her trigger word; I had her brainwashed at five. She's supposed to kill Walter Mondale, but I guess it didn't take. [a zoned-out Steve walks by in the background with a sniper rifle]
Stan: You lying, thieving cheater! You're gonna get what you deserve! Where do they keep the British tourist girls?
Stan: Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he invented capitalism.
Stan: [to Roger] Here's the parent company. Here's the subsidiary. Here's the branch of Food Co that presides over Hotdog Hauss. Here's Hotdog Hauss. Here's East Central Division. Here's this warehouse and this tiny little spot here is you.
Steve Smith: All periods will now be called Steves.
[shift to a classroom scene]
Boy #1: [to another boy] Hey, I'm thinking of cutting third Steve, you in?
Boy #2: Yeah, as long as I'm back by fourth Steve.
Teacher: [to class] So, if it's a statement, it should always be followed by a Steve.
Girl: Mr. Phillips, may I be excused? I'm having my Steve.
[shift to a classroom scene]
Boy #1: [to another boy] Hey, I'm thinking of cutting third Steve, you in?
Boy #2: Yeah, as long as I'm back by fourth Steve.
Teacher: [to class] So, if it's a statement, it should always be followed by a Steve.
Girl: Mr. Phillips, may I be excused? I'm having my Steve.
Steve Smith: Dad! When were you gonna tell me that you're part of the Illuminati?
Stan Smith: Steve! That's crazy! I was never gonna tell you!
Stan Smith: Steve! That's crazy! I was never gonna tell you!
Steve: Can I see your boobs?
Angelina Jolie/God: I must warn you. Those who've stared into the bosom of eternal wisdom have been driven hopelessly insane.
Steve: Wow. Now I have to see them!
Angelina Jolie/God: I must warn you. Those who've stared into the bosom of eternal wisdom have been driven hopelessly insane.
Steve: Wow. Now I have to see them!
Steve [to Roger]: You sound just like Daphne Zuniga from that Lifetime movie, and you remember what happened to her.
Roger: Oh, my God! She ended up on ABC Family! Well, I'm not going to let that happen to me.
Roger: Oh, my God! She ended up on ABC Family! Well, I'm not going to let that happen to me.
Steve: (about Roger staying with Henry) Why does he stay, Hayley?! Why does he stay?
Hayley: Clearly, he's getting something from this kid he wasn't getting from you. When you have that kind of co-dependency, it can be hard to break free from an abusive relationship.
Jeff [appears from the pantry]: Can I come out of the pantry now, babe?
Hayley: I said I'll get you when I'm ready! (throws her coffee mug at him)
Hayley: Clearly, he's getting something from this kid he wasn't getting from you. When you have that kind of co-dependency, it can be hard to break free from an abusive relationship.
Jeff [appears from the pantry]: Can I come out of the pantry now, babe?
Hayley: I said I'll get you when I'm ready! (throws her coffee mug at him)