American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesStan: All right, everyone stay calm. We may be in Saudi Arabia, but it doesn't mean we have to panic or blame your mother.
Stan: An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out of the ground and spitting all over our lawns? Well not in my neighborhood!
Stan: Come on, Francine! Small planes are the safest of all. If Richie Valens' plane had been just a little bit smaller, he'd still be alive.
Stan: Come on, Steve, why don't you pick an interesting black person, like Dr. Daniel Williams, who performed the first successful open heart surgery, or Tim Meadows, the luckiest man in show business.
Stan: Forget about your report on Carver. Just do it on Will Smith. Oh wait, you need a black guy.
Stan: Francine, my mother is not manipulating me. Our relationship is completely normal. And if you keep upsetting me, then I'll have to retreat to my safe place between her breasts.
Stan: Francine, touch me.
Francine: What?
Stan: Touch me. It'll provide us with all the warmth we need. I saw it on Man vs. Wild. That feels amazing.
Francine: I'm not touching you.
Roger: I am.
Stan: That feels amazing.
Francine: What?
Stan: Touch me. It'll provide us with all the warmth we need. I saw it on Man vs. Wild. That feels amazing.
Francine: I'm not touching you.
Roger: I am.
Stan: That feels amazing.
Stan: Francine, when I look at your hair I doubt I could eat the amount I wanna vomit.
Stan: Go Biscuit! [the dog hits the wall] Okay, go Cheesers! [mouse runs away] Coward!
Stan: Good news, I found a camp that still has an opening.
Steve: Dad, I don't want to go to camp. It's hot and there's always something crawling in your sleeping bag, like a spider or a counselor. Just let me tend to my posies. (leaves)
Francine: Stan, he doesn't want to go to camp.
Stan: But I spent my summers at camp, and I had the time of my life. I want him to have that same experience. And besides, gardening's gay.
Francine: I'll have you know, James Coburn had a garden.
Stan: I'm sick of your lies about Coburn!
Steve: Dad, I don't want to go to camp. It's hot and there's always something crawling in your sleeping bag, like a spider or a counselor. Just let me tend to my posies. (leaves)
Francine: Stan, he doesn't want to go to camp.
Stan: But I spent my summers at camp, and I had the time of my life. I want him to have that same experience. And besides, gardening's gay.
Francine: I'll have you know, James Coburn had a garden.
Stan: I'm sick of your lies about Coburn!
Stan: Hey, lady. Is that your hot air balloon? I need a ride back to the States.
Carolyn: I'm sorry, but that balloon is for offical Guinness business only.
Stan: What if I told you we'd set the record for "Most Spontaneous Cross Atlantic Hot Air Balloon Trip"?
Carolyn: I'm sorry, sir. I can't.
Stan: [pulls out his gun] What if I told you I'm about to set the record for shooting a woman in the face the most times in a row?
Carolyn: Alejandro, fire up the balloon!
Carolyn: I'm sorry, but that balloon is for offical Guinness business only.
Stan: What if I told you we'd set the record for "Most Spontaneous Cross Atlantic Hot Air Balloon Trip"?
Carolyn: I'm sorry, sir. I can't.
Stan: [pulls out his gun] What if I told you I'm about to set the record for shooting a woman in the face the most times in a row?
Carolyn: Alejandro, fire up the balloon!
Stan: How could you let Hayley do this?!
Jeff: Do what?
Stan: Don't play dumb! You know she's stripping. Showing people her Ho Hos, her Ding Dongs, her Suzie Q's, her...her...uh...aw, God, what...what are those called...? Those little, uh... pink with coconut...? They're really good....
Jeff: Her Sno-Balls?
Stan: You bastard!
Jeff: Do what?
Stan: Don't play dumb! You know she's stripping. Showing people her Ho Hos, her Ding Dongs, her Suzie Q's, her...her...uh...aw, God, what...what are those called...? Those little, uh... pink with coconut...? They're really good....
Jeff: Her Sno-Balls?
Stan: You bastard!