American Dad! quotes

527 total quotes



All Seasons
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Roger: [after knocking out two girls with a frying pan] Did you see where they went?
Steve: Who?
Roger: The black guys who did this.

Roger: [after spraying Mace in the face of an ugly girl screaming and falling down on the floor] I know, I know, bad for the ozone

Roger: [high-pitched voice after breathing in a helium balloon] When I was a little girl, Grover Cleveland was president.
Season 8

Roger: [laughs] Oh, my God! Stan has no friends! And he didn't even realize! He's like America, the guy.

Roger: [Roger begins his second attempt at his sexual harrasment suit by keeping a box of doughnuts between his legs just as a male coworker comes into the break room] Looking for something glazed and bad for you?

Roger: [sarcastically as he goes on a delivery with Mitch] Oh, this is gonna be life changing.
[cut to Roger and Mitch exiting the house; this time]
Roger: [wide-eyed] That was totally life changing!

Roger: [talking to his cookie] Shush...don't speak. I'll go get some milk for your bath

Roger: [to Hayley] Oh, excuse me. Are you an ethicist? Are you? Is there an ethicist in the house?
Black-haired woman: I'm a ethicist.
Roger: Well, screw you! I'm Kevin Bacon!

Roger: [wipes glasses and pauses] Tell them how you killed our baby, Amanda.

Roger: Ah, you dumb son of a bitch! No, that's not Roland Chang. You're doing great!

Roger: All I have to do is get married by next week and I can get my blender in time for Grey's Anatomy!

Roger: Alright someone call Mel Gibson and apologize and then call Tim Robbins and tell him I banged Susan Sarandon, he'll know what it means.

Roger: And what Steve doesn't realize is I have a plan of my own. While everyone's focused on Snot, I'll be heading to the bathroom to share a doobie with the busboy in exchange for an angry handy-J.

Roger: Aw, Steve, your first gropefest. You won't truly appreciate the awkwardness of this moment until you're fondly reminiscing as a 35-year-old homosexual.

Roger: Damn, I look good. Tilda Swinton good.