ALF quotes
23 total quotesPaul: Give me some nuts.
ALF: But I don't want any nuts.
Paul: I do! [ALF gives him some nuts; he crushes them with his head]
ALF: But I don't want any nuts.
Paul: I do! [ALF gives him some nuts; he crushes them with his head]
Policeman: Are you Mr. & Mrs. Tanner?
Willie: Yes, Officer. What can I do for you?
Policeman presents captured burglar
Policeman: This man actually chased us down two blocks and begged us to arrest him!
Burglar: What I did was wrong, and I must be punished.
Policeman: We will get to that, for right now just relax. Do you own these?
Policeman presents stolen items
Kate: That is my brooch and my jewelry box!
Willie: My cufflinks!
Policeman: If you come to the station and complete a report for us, you can have them back...if you want them back.
Burglar: Come on, you promised, you promised!
Policeman: OK, OK! Mr. and Mrs. Tanner, this man claims he was motivated to surrender himself to us on account of seeing an odd creature with a big nose wearing a blue dress.
Mrs. Ochmonek: Well, I will go home now.
Mrs. Ochmonek is wearing a frumpy blue dress
Policeman: Well, at least you will not be able to plead insanity.
Season 2
Willie: Yes, Officer. What can I do for you?
Policeman presents captured burglar
Policeman: This man actually chased us down two blocks and begged us to arrest him!
Burglar: What I did was wrong, and I must be punished.
Policeman: We will get to that, for right now just relax. Do you own these?
Policeman presents stolen items
Kate: That is my brooch and my jewelry box!
Willie: My cufflinks!
Policeman: If you come to the station and complete a report for us, you can have them back...if you want them back.
Burglar: Come on, you promised, you promised!
Policeman: OK, OK! Mr. and Mrs. Tanner, this man claims he was motivated to surrender himself to us on account of seeing an odd creature with a big nose wearing a blue dress.
Mrs. Ochmonek: Well, I will go home now.
Mrs. Ochmonek is wearing a frumpy blue dress
Policeman: Well, at least you will not be able to plead insanity.
Season 2
Willie Tanner{as narrator}: This is the way it began, that extraordinary night. The night he came.
Willie signed off on his ham radio when it starts oscillating wildly. Kate rushes in garage
Kate Tanner: Willie, the house is shaking!
Lynn and Brian rush in garage
Lynn Tanner: Daddy, the power went out in the house!
Brian Tanner: Dad, I'm scared!
Loud crash is heard; Tanner family sees a UFO crashed into their roof
Lynn: What just happened?
Willie: We have a visitor.
Tanners see an unconscious ALF in the canopy
Willie signed off on his ham radio when it starts oscillating wildly. Kate rushes in garage
Kate Tanner: Willie, the house is shaking!
Lynn and Brian rush in garage
Lynn Tanner: Daddy, the power went out in the house!
Brian Tanner: Dad, I'm scared!
Loud crash is heard; Tanner family sees a UFO crashed into their roof
Lynn: What just happened?
Willie: We have a visitor.
Tanners see an unconscious ALF in the canopy
Willie: ALF, I am sorry that you cannot watch Psycho, but if you can promise me you will stay in the bedroom and not make noise, then I will consider next time that you may babysit Brian when Kate and I are out. I got you a jigsaw puzzle.
ALF: It's broken!
Willie: The idea is you are supposed to put it back together.
ALF: I did not break it!
Willie: I also got the newest issue of your favorite comic book, Shanna, Mistress of the Universe.
ALF: I don't want Shanna. I want Mrs. Bates.
ALF: It's broken!
Willie: The idea is you are supposed to put it back together.
ALF: I did not break it!
Willie: I also got the newest issue of your favorite comic book, Shanna, Mistress of the Universe.
ALF: I don't want Shanna. I want Mrs. Bates.
Willie: ALF, please stay away from the window. We have a nosy neighbor, Mrs. Ochmonek.
ALF: Ochmonek! Ha! Sounds like a typo.
Ochmonek residence. Mrs. Ochmonek looks in window and sees ALF
Mrs. Ochmonek: Trevor, get over here! There is a wierd creature!
Mr. Ochmonek sees an empty window
Mr. Ochmonek: It is just a window, Raquel! Have you been sipping the sherry again?
Mrs. Ochmonek: I could swear it was there.
Mrs. Ochmonek takes a second look then see ALF waving at her
Mrs. Ochmonek: AUGH!
ALF: Ochmonek! Ha! Sounds like a typo.
Ochmonek residence. Mrs. Ochmonek looks in window and sees ALF
Mrs. Ochmonek: Trevor, get over here! There is a wierd creature!
Mr. Ochmonek sees an empty window
Mr. Ochmonek: It is just a window, Raquel! Have you been sipping the sherry again?
Mrs. Ochmonek: I could swear it was there.
Mrs. Ochmonek takes a second look then see ALF waving at her
Mrs. Ochmonek: AUGH!
ALF is sitting on Willie's bed, and a burglar comes through the window
ALF{as narrator}: Then it happened. He came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me: Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff, but I realized I had to do something; I realized I was the man of the house.
ALF: Excuse me? Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah!? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box!?
[Burglar screams in shock and jumps out the window]
ALF{as narrator}: Then it happened. He came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me: Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff, but I realized I had to do something; I realized I was the man of the house.
ALF: Excuse me? Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
Burglar: [examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
ALF: Oh, yeah!? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box!?
[Burglar screams in shock and jumps out the window]
Doorbell rings. ALF hides behind Willie while Kate answers door
Army officer: Mrs. Tanner?
Kate: Yes, who are you?
Army officer: I am Captain Blackstone of the Alien Task Force, an adjunct of Edwards Air Force Base. Have you seen an alien with orange fur, three feet tall, with a big nose?
ALF looks at his nose, but it is clear he is the one being described
Kate: What would be done to the creature?
Army officer: Our usual tests. Intense heat, freezing cold, injections with different toxins, and finally, dissection.
Kate: Why don't you just rip its toenails off while you are at it?
Army officer: Oh yes, that too. Well, I am going to assume you do not know what I am talking about. Good day, Mrs. Tanner.
Kate: Sir, who told you that we saw space aliens?
Army officer: I am sorry M'aam but that is classifed information. As such, the informant must remain ochmononek-I mean anonymous.
Army officer: Mrs. Tanner?
Kate: Yes, who are you?
Army officer: I am Captain Blackstone of the Alien Task Force, an adjunct of Edwards Air Force Base. Have you seen an alien with orange fur, three feet tall, with a big nose?
ALF looks at his nose, but it is clear he is the one being described
Kate: What would be done to the creature?
Army officer: Our usual tests. Intense heat, freezing cold, injections with different toxins, and finally, dissection.
Kate: Why don't you just rip its toenails off while you are at it?
Army officer: Oh yes, that too. Well, I am going to assume you do not know what I am talking about. Good day, Mrs. Tanner.
Kate: Sir, who told you that we saw space aliens?
Army officer: I am sorry M'aam but that is classifed information. As such, the informant must remain ochmononek-I mean anonymous.
Willie is working on his car but bumps his head on the hood when ALF honks the horn
ALF: Horn works!
Willie{sarcastic}: Thank you.
ALF: Why don't we just kill this thing for the insurance money? We'll make it look like an accident!
ALF: Horn works!
Willie{sarcastic}: Thank you.
ALF: Why don't we just kill this thing for the insurance money? We'll make it look like an accident!