Eric: So many questions I don't know where to start. Why don't we try where were you?
Matt: I was at a friend's.
Eric: What friend?
Matt: Just a friend, you don't know her.
Eric: Oh it's a her? That's interesting. Have you completely lost your mind? You stupid idiot

Eric: So you took up plumbing when we were pregnant with Simon?
Annie: No, Electrical and Plumbing was Mary, Simon was Ethnic Cooking

Eric: Your hair looks nice, Luce.
Lucy: Nice or sexy?
Eric: Uh....nice. Definitely nice. If my 13-year-old daughter had sexy hair, I'd shave her head
Season 2

Jenny: (in Annie's dream) I love you Annie but I have to go now
Annie: Mom? (goes into hallway)
Charles: I'm sorry Annie, she's passed on. She's gone. (Annie sobs into Charles's chest, Eric holds her)

Julie: I don't think I can do this.
Matt: That's what you need: A warm relationship with your father.

Lucy (to Joanne): We're really sorry.
Joanne: You should be! If you had bothered to get to know me, I'm a pretty nice person. And I try to treat others the way I want to be treated.
Lucy: And yet, if you made the same mistake we did, you'd want them to forgive you, right?
Joanne: I wouldn't make the same mistake you did.

Lucy: I told you something bad was going to happen. When she's in the middle of her crab legs, it'll suddenly occur to her that Chandler is not the guy for her and she'll find us and...Oh my God. She said he was going to ask her to marry him. Ugh. I hate her. I hate him too. They don't even know each other. Kevin and I know each other. We're in love with each other. We should be getting engaged tonight. Not them. I may look like the crazy person, but they're the crazy people. Crazy people who are going to get married before I do. When I see Kevin, he is so going to get a piece of my heart. He probably knows Chandler is going to propose to her and that's why he is being nice and going through all this trouble.
Kevin Kinkirk: Lucy Camden, will you marry me?
Lucy: [to God] Thank you. [to Kevin] Yes, Kevin Kinkirk, I will marry you.

Lucy: It's not fair. Grandma should be here. It's like there's a party and she wasn't invited.
Eric: Luce, I know it's weird having all these people here, and all this food, but...it's not really a party. It's just people who cared about your grandma and your mom, who are trying to--
Lucy: I don't mean today, Daddy. I mean life. It's going on without her. It just isn't fair.

Lucy: You remember my dad?
Jimmy: Oh yeah, the God guy.
Eric: Yeah, I see how you charmed my daughter.

Mary (to Eric): Yes, I'm starting a new job today.
Eric: You've had a new job every week this summer.
Mary: That's not true. I was a day camp counselor for almost three weeks.
Eric: (sarcastically) Oh, how could I forget three whole weeks?
Mary: You know, just because you're mad at Mom doesn't mean you have to take it out on me.
Eric: I'm not angry-the word is angry-at your mom, and I'm not taking it out on anyone.

Mary (to Joanne): We're really sorry if we hurt your feelings.
Joanne: If? If you hurt my feelings? You think I have fake teeth, a boob job, and that I can't microwave my own food. That's right, I have perfect hearing too. I heard every word you said.

Mary (to Lucy): We trashed the school gym.
Lucy: What?! Who?!
Mary: Some of the girls from the team and me.
Lucy: Why?!
Mary: I don't know. We were just eating and talking about the team lockout and it just happened.
Lucy: And you got busted?
Mary: Yeah, We must've set off an alarm or something'cause the cops showed up.
Lucy: What's gonna happen?
Mary: I don't know. Sgt. Michaels saids I need a lawyer.
Lucy: This is unreal.
Mary: I wish.

Mary: (referring to kissing) The point is, I don't know where my hands go or his hands or my face or his face or his lips or my lips, and I don't want it to be awkward, couldn't you just show me so I have some experience.
Matt: Don't kiss me.
Mary: Would you stop, I'm not gonna kiss you. Ok, so do I touch his face with my hands. (Mary moves her hand toward his face)
Matt: No, look if anybody touches face, he touches your face or maybe he doesn't, I don't know.
Mary: (starts moving toward a kiss) So I close my eyes and... (Eric sees Mary trying to kiss Matt)
Matt: Oh Dad, this isn't what it looks like.
Eric: That's a relief.

Mary: Goodnight Keesha, goodnight Lucy.
Lucy: Good night Mary, goodnight Keesha
Keesha: (laughing) This is just like being at the Waltons!
Lucy: Yeah except the Waltons weren't--
Mary & Keesha: Black? Yeah we know.

Mary: Hello? Is anyone listening to me? I need a car!
Annie: Hello! Earn money and buy one.
Mary: You guys bought Matt a car. Why can't you buy me a car?
Annie: Matt was going to college. You, on the other hand, are not going to college. You are working, so you can buy your own car. How much money have you saved this summer?
Mary: Saved? On what I make? Please. You guys are forcing me to buy on credit, and you can stop talking about college, because I'm not going to college until I figure out what I'm going to college for.
Eric: Well, maybe so you can earn a living and someday even have your own house, and your own car.
Mary: Well, maybe I don't want to have my own house. You don't own this home; this is the Church's home.
Eric: Yes, but this house is a benefit of my job, which I earned after five years of college and we do have a car. Two cars. Well, three if you count the one we bought for Matt, who's in college.