30 Rock quotes
268 total quotesPriest: Don't you have faith?
Jack: I have faith... in things I can see and buy and deregulate. Capitalism is my religion. Now, you want to have an intellectual argument? Fine, but I should warn you, I went to Princeton.
Priest: I went to Harvard Divinity School.
Jack: [scoffs] You crimson guys never miss a chance, do you? You want a confession? Let's get this done so I can go eat. I'm divorced. I take the Lord's name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident. [jump cut] ...I almost let him choke to death right there on the football field. I looked the other way when my wig-based parent company turned a bunch of children orange. I once claimed "I am God" during a deposition. [jump cut] and... I may have sodomized our former Vice President while under the influence of some weapons-grade narcotics. [sighs] It feels good to say that out loud actually. That one was weighing on me.
Priest: Wow! I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Jack: I don't want you to say anything. I thought I'd made that perfectly clear.
Priest: Then... what brought you here tonight?
Jack: What brought me here tonight? What brings anyone anywhere? Why do men build bridges, why are there jets? I was hoping to have sex tonight. [glances at the priest] Have you ever made love to a woman, Father?
Priest: [weakly] Come on, man...
Jack: I have faith... in things I can see and buy and deregulate. Capitalism is my religion. Now, you want to have an intellectual argument? Fine, but I should warn you, I went to Princeton.
Priest: I went to Harvard Divinity School.
Jack: [scoffs] You crimson guys never miss a chance, do you? You want a confession? Let's get this done so I can go eat. I'm divorced. I take the Lord's name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident. [jump cut] ...I almost let him choke to death right there on the football field. I looked the other way when my wig-based parent company turned a bunch of children orange. I once claimed "I am God" during a deposition. [jump cut] and... I may have sodomized our former Vice President while under the influence of some weapons-grade narcotics. [sighs] It feels good to say that out loud actually. That one was weighing on me.
Priest: Wow! I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Jack: I don't want you to say anything. I thought I'd made that perfectly clear.
Priest: Then... what brought you here tonight?
Jack: What brought me here tonight? What brings anyone anywhere? Why do men build bridges, why are there jets? I was hoping to have sex tonight. [glances at the priest] Have you ever made love to a woman, Father?
Priest: [weakly] Come on, man...
Tracy: Friendship and trust in the entourage is the most important thing. Like that HBO show, John Adams.
Tracy: In the spirit of Christmas and Kwanzo--
Liz: Kwanzaa.
Tracy: And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.
Liz: Kwanzaa.
Tracy: And shalamzazam to you too, my sister.
Tracy: Jenna, we're the most important people here, right?
Jenna: Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?
Jenna: Well, of course, Tracy. We're actors. If we didn't exist how would people know who to vote for?
Tracy: They do that a lot in movies: An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.
Tracy: What everyone needs to do is calm down, take a deep breath, and prepare their bodies for the Thunderdome. That is the new law.
Tracy: What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!
Liz: That is solid.
Liz: That is solid.