Tracy: I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait... what was the question?

Tracy: I need to protect my reputation. You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady.
Liz: Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.

Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college.

Tracy: So GE will produce the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?
Jack: Oh no, no. GE could never make something so... unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. [Jack rolls down a complex organizational chart] You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of Pyongyang, North Korea, and they will make the Meat Machine.

Tracy: So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

Tracy: So, how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable.
Toofer: I'm doing good.
Tracy: Nah-uh. Superman does good; you're doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
[Tracy leaves the room.]
Frank: [to Toofer] Wow, that was embarrassing for you.

Tracy: This is untoward! This is not toward!

Tracy: Yeah yeah yeah, I like risky. See, me and you, we play the game. We know how to be acceptable. Hello great meeting, I drink coffee please. This show is our chance to break the shackles cause the white dudes want to see us fail.
Liz: What white dudes?
Tracy: All of 'em. Jack Donaghy. General Electric. George Bush. Karl Robe.
Liz: Karl Robe, you say?
Tracy: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor.
Liz: Sure.

Tracy Jordan in drag talking with Frank Rossitano
Frank: Yeah it's pretty good but I think the boobs should swing more.
Tracy: Yeah then I could go "Rodney, don't make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom booms."

[attempting to explain the word used to insult her]
Liz: It rhymes with your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
Frank: It rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?

[Jack in an internal GE training video being shown to the writers.]
Jack: All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show is incorporate positive mentions, or "POS-MENS" of GE products into your program. For example you could write an episode where one of your character purchases, and is satisfied with one of GE's direct current drilling motors for off-shore or land-based projects.

[Jack, who has traded jobs with Kenneth, has bought Josh the wrong salad]
Josh: Oh, no! Dude, is this spinach?
Jack: Yes. You asked for [pulls out a sheet of paper] one spinach salad.
Josh: Actually, I wanted the stuff that comes on the spinach salad, but I wanted it with romaine.
Jack: Should I take it back?
Josh: I'm supposed to treat you like Kenneth, right?
Jack: That is correct.
Josh: [angrily] Well then yeah, genius, get me a new salad. Or, get me a time machine so I can go back and smack your mom for smoking crack while she was pregnant! [to Kenneth, who is standing in the doorway] Too much?
Kenneth: No, that's usually how it goes.

[Jenna and Liz are discussing actor Tracy Jordan.]
Liz: How you doin'?
Jenna: There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?
Liz: Yeah.
Jenna: And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson's roof?
Liz: Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues.
Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
Liz: When you hear his version, she was kinda askin' for it.

[Liz enters a room and stands behind Jack]
Jack: You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.

[Man walks up to Liz at the bar]
Gentleman:Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Liz: [sighs] Really, dude? I got to move my coat? There are like four empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
[Man leaves]
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?